Stuck In Mud ( on a people’s plight)

Stuck In Mud ( on a people’s plight)

The wind of disorder is blowing,

Slowing us down!

The dark clouds have eclipsed the sun,

Rendering the future bleak!

There is no light, no hope,

And even the birds gaze mutely!

 

I looked and saw the disgruntled people

Wailing and cursing. They were stuck in mud!

Helpless and distressed in the mud of corruption,

Their fleshes grew weary as faces murmur in smiling agony!

Stuck in the mud, their voice trekked to oblivion

While the sincere liars ‘glow with pride’!

 

The cabals in high places see them,

Sinking deeper and deeper into the mire,

But their hands are too busy to help,
Counting gold and pouring wine!
“Who will deliver us?” I mutter,
But the question ascends like a balloon,
Steadily, into the sullen sky…
(c) by Kingsley Ayi Ukpanyang (@ayistar) and Showumi Olawale Michael (@shomyk)
Edited by: Kukogho Iruesiri Samson (@xikay)


18 thoughts on “Stuck In Mud ( on a people’s plight)” by ayistar (@ayistar)

  1. ayi of life, great poem bro, dnt stop!

    1. @clemency..thanks for reading. It’s a great one indeed.

    2. Thanks @clemency, this was done with the help of my pen friends @shomyk and @xikay.
      Without them this poem would be execrable.

  2. yeah. It was well written.

    Well done.

    1. @babyada,, glad you liked it. Thanks

  3. I love this line!
    /Stuck in the mud, their voice trekked to oblivion/. Beautiful!

    and these:
    /But the question ascends like a balloon,
    Steadily, into the sullen sky…/ Lovely.

    and the first stanza too.

    For the poem as a whole, good effort…but I think there is room for improvement.

    My issues:
    1. I think that a word like corruption is too popular and generic to feature as a word in a poem (especially a Naija one). I suggest you break it down into a powerful image that communicates the idea of corruption to us.
    2. Try to avoid adverbs in a poem. Again, break down the adverb.
    /And even the birds gaze mutely!/ How mutely? if you say something like: /And even the birds are shocked to silence!/, I think it is more expressive.

    My opinion.

    Well done. Keep improving your art bro. There is no end to learning.

  4. @chemokopi, thanks a great deal. Your point are well noted and we shall keep improving. Thanks very much for those high points.

  5. I trust any poem with @xikay‘s handle.

  6. Well done guys…

    But I am still wondering how someone would say adverbs should not be used in poetry?…Oga @Chemokopi, that one no stand.

    1. @xikay: I said “TRY to avoid adverbs in a poem”. In most cases, using an adverb is a lazy way to communicate an idea or image whether in poetry or prose. Especially when you use inelegant or uncommon adverbs like ‘woodenly’, ‘cumbersomely’ and in this case ‘mutely’. It is understandable if adverbs like ‘quickly’, or ‘steadily’ feature in one or two lines (maybe it is because they are more suggestive of action). But then again, as I stated, it is just my opinion and an attempt to help the poets attain perfection in their art; something we all strive for.

      1. Thanks to the three wise men: @kaycee, @xikay and @chemokopi
        Gracias to you all!

  7. @chemokopi: what do you make of these-

    ¤Stuck in the mud of jobbery and moral decadence
    ¤Stuck in the mud of hopeless deprivation

    Thank you for the insghts!

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