I had never thought much about online dating until 2 weeks ago here o! When I went to London to see a couple of friends. I had closed from work and decided “ah! Lemme get away from this town jare and seek fun elsewhere. Having gotten a job in Norwich about a month ago, and even though I had settled in quite well, it was all work jare! And the fun wasn’t really there; or maybe I hadn’t found it yet. So anyways, I come go London go spend the weekend with my guys as I hadn’t seen them in a long while. And that’s where this wahala started o! In fact right now I don’t know if i should regret going there or not.
We went out for some drinks that night and when we got back, we decided to challenge ourselves to a FIFA 10 video game while catching up on each other’s work progress and how life was treating us generally. When it was my turn I started on how Norwich was a lovely town and all, but that I was quite lonely there and hadn’t actually found the time to socialize as my job was very engaging. I said to them that I was looking for a ‘babe’ in Norwich for company. “Try online dating na!” Chuks said, cutting me short. I said “You say wetin”? Hoping I hadn’t heard him right. He repeated “I say try online dating. Anthony don catch many babes for there”. I looked across the room to where Anthony was seating to find him with a very funny smile on his face with guilt written all over it. Well, after hearing about their ‘successes’ with “catching” girls on online dating websites, I became interested o! Trust me na; “Oya make una show me the way”. Anthony gave me the websites he used and I signed up to one sharply.
Some of the things I saw on these websites were disturbing as they were interesting. Come and see girls eeee! ‘So na here all these girls come hide abi”? I said to myself. From fine to ugly, orobo to lekpa, blacky to whitey, girls/women of all races where there. One particular website was such that you could actually search for females living in any state/county you wanted, and so I decided to search for girls in Norwich, my very own county. Everyone had profiles where they put up about 3 to 7 pics of themselves, some of them in clothes that left little for the imagination, with a brief ‘About me’ statement, a description of the sort of men they were looking for, their hobbies etcetera. And I couldn’t help but realise that none of these ladies used their actual names. All I saw was: sexyfunlovin, bigboobchic23, sweetebony and need I continue? I started flipping through countless profiles of women like I was changing channels on a satellite TV. I went something like this: No, no, yes, ok this one try small but her belle too big, no this one too fat jare, hmmm sweet looking chic, no jare you look like a toddler, yes, yes, and never! Lol. For some three odd hours I was on this website o! where I dey find woman.
While some of them seemed quite genuine/reasonable, and particular about the kind of men that they were looking to meet, others were simply there to take the piss out of whomever. And it was the ‘About me’ statements in particular that kept me amused the whole time. I noticed that there were about three or four statements that were particularly resonant in nearly 90% of the profiles i read. They were: “This online dating thing is entirely new to me, and I’m looking to meet the right man”, “I work hard and I play hard”, and “I love socializing and meeting new people”, and I was quick to group these ones in the ‘Ashawo’ category. “So all of una dey entirely new to this online dating thingy abi”? I said to myself. “If all of una dey new who come dey old to online dating na?” hopeless people. Mcheeww! Chai! but some of dem worwor sha no be lie. Kai! I could then understand why most of these women resorted to online dating. It was simply because a lot of them stood no chance of landing a man “offline” or in the real world if you like, so to speak. Let’s face it; some people are photogenic as they are worwor in the real life. Others may be too shy, too busy to socialize and meet people just like (Ashawo) me, or they just keep on meeting one ‘Pharaoh’ or the other in the real life. I saw this one girls profile right? 32 years of age, nice pics, veeeery pretty (maximum emphasis on pretty), had a saloon business of her own, you know; had all the “independent woman” thing going on, but something just wasn’t working for her and it bothered her so much that she had to go online to find a man. I was filled with pity and compassion for this girl. She’s the kind of girl that would simply walk down a street and turn heads; seriously. And in my mind I said “why these kind girls no dey see me sef”? Anyway me I come mail the babe sharp sharp! Please God, let her reply. Hehehe, her life will never remain the same again.
I ended up messaging a good number of them, even those that didn’t live in Norwich sef. As long as them fine no wahala. They were so pretty those ones. Two girls have since replied me after my 1 week of signing up. One white orobo and one ‘Ok’ girl, so things aren’t as bad. Fingers crossed.