Online Dating Sef!

Online Dating Sef!

I had never thought much about online dating until 2 weeks ago here o! When I went to London to see a couple of friends. I had closed from work and decided “ah! Lemme get away from this town jare and seek fun elsewhere. Having gotten a job in Norwich about a month ago, and even though I had settled in quite well, it was all work jare! And the fun wasn’t really there; or maybe I hadn’t found it yet. So anyways, I come go London go spend the weekend with my guys as I hadn’t seen them in a long while. And that’s where this wahala started o! In fact right now I don’t know if i should regret going there or not.

We went out for some drinks that night and when we got back, we decided to challenge ourselves to a FIFA 10 video game while catching up on each other’s work progress and how life was treating us generally. When it was my turn I started on how Norwich was a lovely town and all, but that I was quite lonely there and hadn’t actually found the time to socialize as my job was very engaging. I said to them that I was looking for a ‘babe’ in Norwich for company. “Try online dating na!” Chuks said, cutting me short. I said “You say wetin”? Hoping I hadn’t heard him right. He repeated “I say try online dating. Anthony don catch many babes for there”. I looked across the room to where Anthony was seating to find him with a very funny smile on his face with guilt written all over it. Well, after hearing about their ‘successes’ with “catching” girls on online dating websites, I became interested o! Trust me na; “Oya make una show me the way”. Anthony gave me the websites he used and I signed up to one sharply.

Some of the things I saw on these websites were disturbing as they were interesting. Come and see girls eeee! ‘So na here all these girls come hide abi”? I said to myself. From fine to ugly, orobo to lekpa, blacky to whitey, girls/women of all races where there. One particular website was such that you could actually search for females living in any state/county you wanted, and so I decided to search for girls in Norwich, my very own county. Everyone had profiles where they put up about 3 to 7 pics of themselves, some of them in clothes that left little for the imagination, with a brief ‘About me’ statement, a description of the sort of men they were looking for, their hobbies etcetera. And I couldn’t help but realise that none of these ladies used their actual names. All I saw was: sexyfunlovin, bigboobchic23, sweetebony and need I continue? I started flipping through countless profiles of women like I was changing channels on a satellite TV. I went something like this: No, no, yes, ok this one try small but her belle too big, no this one too fat jare, hmmm sweet looking chic, no jare you look like a toddler, yes, yes, and never! Lol. For some three odd hours I was on this website o! where I dey find woman.

While some of them seemed quite genuine/reasonable, and particular about the kind of men that they were looking to meet, others were simply there to take the piss out of whomever. And it was the ‘About me’ statements in particular that kept me amused the whole time. I noticed that there were about three or four statements that were particularly resonant in nearly 90% of the profiles i read. They were: “This online dating thing is entirely new to me, and I’m looking to meet the right man”, “I work hard and I play hard”, and “I love socializing and meeting new people”, and I was quick to group these ones in the ‘Ashawo’ category. “So all of una dey entirely new to this online dating thingy abi”? I said to myself. “If all of una dey new who come dey old to online dating na?” hopeless people. Mcheeww! Chai! but some of dem worwor sha no be lie. Kai! I could then understand why most of these women resorted to online dating. It was simply because a lot of them stood no chance of landing a man “offline” or in the real world if you like, so to speak. Let’s face it; some people are photogenic as they are worwor in the real life. Others may be too shy, too busy to socialize and meet people just like (Ashawo) me, or they just keep on meeting one ‘Pharaoh’ or the other in the real life. I saw this one girls profile right? 32 years of age, nice pics, veeeery pretty (maximum emphasis on pretty), had a saloon business of her own, you know; had all the “independent woman” thing going on, but something just wasn’t working for her and it bothered her so much that she had to go online to find a man. I was filled with pity and compassion for this girl. She’s the kind of girl that would simply walk down a street and turn heads; seriously. And in my mind I said “why these kind girls no dey see me sef”? Anyway me I come mail the babe sharp sharp! Please God, let her reply. Hehehe, her life will never remain the same again.

I ended up messaging a good number of them, even those that didn’t live in Norwich sef. As long as them fine no wahala. They were so pretty those ones. Two girls have since replied me after my 1 week of signing up. One white orobo and one ‘Ok’ girl, so things aren’t as bad. Fingers crossed.



61 thoughts on “Online Dating Sef!” by Jimi (@Jimi)

  1. Well… Really enjoyed the piece and the little bit of sweet ‘bashing’ tone you used. Think online dating’s just like any other kinda of dating. In Nigeria, there’s this ‘phone dating’ thing where girls keep flashing anonymous numbers hoping a number turns out to be a suitable guy. Sometimes works, most times doesn’t. Very good story you got here. Just keep them anonymous and keep us updated.

  2. You have an interesting voice which will only be appealling to a reader that’s familiar with naija slangs… I think your story is an unfinished one… Hope there’s a second part..? This is an interesting story…

    1. I totally agree about this story not being finished….Jimi..get back to work if you haven’t started..

  3. @Jaywriter: Thanks for reading. I’m a bit confused as to what you mean by keeping it anonymous though.

  4. @Idoko: Thanks for reading

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Naija Stories and Naija Stories, Naija Stories. Naija Stories said: You have an interesting voice which will only be appealling to a reader… http://goo.gl/fb/uHtjp #amreading #writing […]

  6. FINGERS CROSSED?… —>>>abi? Nice piece this is. however, i think you should try to seperate narration from actual dialogue: see this EXCERPT
    When it was my turn I started on how Norwich was a lovely town and all, but that I was quite lonely there and hadn’t actually found the time to socialize as my job was very engaging. I said to them that I was looking for a ‘babe’ in Norwich for company. “Try online dating na!” Chuks said, cutting me short. I said “You say wetin”? Hoping I hadn’t heard him right. He repeated “I say try online dating. Anthony don catch many babes for there”. I looked across the room to where Anthony was seating to find him with a very funny smile on his face with guilt written all over it. Well, after hearing about their ‘successes’ with “catching” girls on online dating websites, I became interested o! Trust me na; “Oya make una show me the way”. Anthony gave me the websites he used and I signed up to one sharply.

    IT HELPS THE READER TO ENJOY THE PIECE MORE. kudos!!!!!

  7. @Xikay: Bros I was seriously hoping you would make the corrections for me o! lol. Instead you just copied the excerpt and pasted. hoevever, i don’t think i could’ve linked dialogue and narration any better here. Thanks for reading anyway

  8. I have a good feeling about this series and I’m eager to read more of the (mis)adventures of this guy. I think Jay meant that you shouldn’t mention the real names of the girls. Maybe he didn’t notice this was tagged ‘short stories’. It is fiction, isn’t it, Jimi? You also tagged it ‘musing’, and I find that a bit contradictory.

    @Jay: am I right about what you meant?

    1. @uche – you’re right.

  9. @jimi, sorry. i did that because some people tend to grumble when you just correct without noting it…U DID A GREAT JOB.
    @jaywriter, i feel you on that but i also understand what jimi’s piece centered on. he did a good job we must agree. t’would be a shame if it ends here

  10. @Uche: Forgive my confusing tags. I must have been high when i did that, i had no idea what i was tagging. lol. let me point out here that even as my stories are real life stories, i have never used the actual names of the characters involved. so those names were made up for the sake of anonymity. Thanks sha for reading

  11. @jimi. you aint alone about the tagging. ‘times, i just tag since you MUST tag to get published.

  12. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this! You incorporated enough naija slangs for em to feel at home;it was like reading something my brother would write.
    Online dating can be great when you’re set out to have a bit of fun but i don’t think its one of those places you look at in all seriousness if you’re looking for the real deal.The internet allows a degree of anonymity that almost boarders on mischief which is what most of these online people are usually up to …personally,I’ve never taken online dating seriously.The men never finish for my eye here so…lol!

  13. I totally liked this.It rocks.Jimi yhu too much.

  14. nice and funny story you got there jimi,with the nigerian slangs and pidgin english, really love it.
    like estrella said,think its only for fun for most people not for any serious thing.But i think there are some few cases where it actually worked,i mean i heard stories about people who met online and later got serious and got married. (methinks it’s not advicable anyways)
    so jimi, is that the end or we should still wait for more..?

  15. @Gretel: Thanks o!
    @Estrella: The men never finish for your eye there abi? lol. Nice. thanks for the comment

  16. @Posh: Thanks. I’ve heard stories too where people met through online and got married. depends on what u’re looking for anyway. There is a very interesting continuation o! just haven’t found the time to write it out, so stay tuned.

  17. okay..thats good,we will wait for it then.

  18. @jimi, my uncle is getting married to a gal he met on FACEBOOK in a months time

  19. @ xikay….wow!
    that one worked then,they dated for how long?

  20. @xikay: That’s a good one. very interesting. but facebook is not a dating site o! lol

  21. @posh no more than 1 yr @jimi, you need to see how many hook-ups facebook is making here. me, my friends… hundreds lol.

    1. @posh, @jimi, @xikay …i know a couple who got married a couple of months ago and they met on facebook…fairy tale’s got nothing on them..think they were together over a year just like xikay’s people… I wonder how de do it…

      For me,online dating is just a game….the mystery of it is so exciting..I’ve met a couple of cool guys online and have remained friends just like some of us here on NS are getting to be friends..all jhoin for online dating…hehehehe

  22. Nice one, the style of narration kept me going till the end. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with incorporating the dialogue in the narrative especially with this first person POV story telling.

    So why are you going for many babes and not one at a time. I see say you also tag yourself Ashawo, so no surprises abi? LOL…

  23. @Myne: Thanks lot jare. Nope surprises at all on the ashawo matter. loool. Thanks for reading

  24. Quite a funny story U got here bro…Nice one.

  25. Lol…Funny as usual. I heard online dating sometimes work… maybe i should sign up too.

  26. By the way, some NS members are on their honeymoon now. Hope they give us the full details when they’re back on NS after the honeymoon. Guess posts and comments say a lot about a person, lol.

  27. @wealth: Please join o. lol. make i see u 4 dating site 2. lol. thanks

  28. @Jaywriter: Are u serious? so NS na dating site too. lol. Make me sef come throw net see whether i go catch fish ni! loool. Good to hear though.

    ANNOUNCEMENT: Abeg are there any female NS members in London? we need to hook up o and help one another! pls o the cold is too much. looool. oya fingers crossed. lol

    1. People are on their honeymoon and you’re asking if NS’s a dating site. Well, NS is not a dating site. But here’s a simple statistic everyone knows. More married couples met outside dating sites, in fact more than 98 percent meet outside dating sites. Are you following? Casey said something like ‘you better do the maths’. So?

      1. Seriously, online dating is not about dating sites. I’m not surprised some NS peeps are on honeymoon. OK, maybe I am. Already? LOL…

  29. LKMD! Bros you are too much ooo! You had me laughing when I read your funny piece.I found your story amusing & entertaining. Me I don’t believe in online dating sha as it never really worked for me. The last girl I met had terrible smoke-ridden teeth that would scare an hyena away lol!

  30. captivating story – I’d like to read the rest… meanwhile guy, you miss d koko of the matter o… wetin be the name of that site na?

  31. @Afroprince: I know what u mean bros. i’ve been there. lol. Thanks 4 reading
    @colotrends: Thanks o! U want to join in my ‘Ashalalelism’ abi? lol

  32. lol@ afro – i have been there as well…
    @jimi- anyhow… inbox me!

  33. @jimi hook up with only the the MALE NS members in london

  34. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Reader Writer, Naija Stories. Naija Stories said: lol@ afro – i have been there as well… @jimi- anyhow… inbox me! ? http://goo.gl/fb/KDWxb #amreading #writing […]

  35. @ colotrends: it’s a UK dating site. wherebouts are you?
    @xikay: what would i do with the male NS members?. lol. abeg o.

  36. and what will you do with our female members, sir!

  37. @Diva: thanks u too much.

    1. u r welcome…if only i was in london??!! ;-)

  38. Awww Diva. But u can come o. u can trek it. it’s not far? lool. cheers

    1. well, if you come pick me, we go trek am together as e no far… how you check am na??

  39. @Diva: Oya wear ur bata. gimme 2 days. i’m coming. i shall come through the sahara desert. short cut. lol

    1. awesome…i de wait

      1. O’boy I still de wait you ooooo. e don almost reach one year now :(

  40. @ Jimi: Abeg wot’s the name of the site? I sure need to join, there are no good guys in London.

  41. @Wealth: U no dey try at all. instead of u to say Jimi come and let us date u r asking me 4 d name of d site. loool. I dey here. I promise i’m good. lol

  42. hmmm… I dey look I no talk. Una no go kill me for NS o, lie lie…

  43. @wealth, you can export one good 9ja guy, maybe @SCOPEMAN60… ha ha ha

  44. @ Jimi: Yu are funny. Oya nw let’s start, only if u re good oh lol.
    @ Xikay: I wish.

  45. @wealth: oya inbox me your credentials sharply. lol. facebook, skype, yahoo msn, all of them. lets show these ppl dt online dating can indeed lead to marriage. lol

  46. Ermmm…Jimi did I tell you that Wealth is my ‘sister’ as her mother’s sister cousin is my father’s brother’s nephew! So you need to Settle me first lol.

  47. @Jimi& afro-prince: Yu guys are hilarious.

  48. Interesting. This definitely mainstream and more of a column write up thingy. Funny insights and expose on dating sites. Would be a nice blog entry.

  49. I’m smiling so much both from the article and the comments…good one!

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