The longing in my loins


Today, like other days
When I get a tad older
I feel really sober
Doused in thoughts
Of how guilty I am
Of how I lost my innocence
The tiny little bundle
That slid into the room
That odd day in September
Amid pregnant expectations—

Expectations I dashed
With my stoic
Emotionless arrival.


I think it scared someone…
It really must have scared everyone
That I missed not my former abode
Where I threw harmless kung fu kicks
Taking it out on my gung ho pals
Mister womb
Who put me up, regardless
And mister chord
The really nice dude
Who brought me food.

That I also didn’t mind
That I’d swapped my innocence
For this world of guilt
I was way too young, they thought
To take it all like a man.


With fear etched on their faces
The guilty ones all but waited
They longed; they prayed
To receive me
To hug me
To infect me with all the love
They had stored up

My Mum,
The Doc…
Whose name I still don’t know
‘Cos we never exchanged pleasantries
Though I’m sure he tried,
Making friends his age
Just wasn’t my sport.


So I cradled
And crawled
I stumbled
And stood
I pattered
And walked
And ran
Till I got here-
To guilty old manhood.

Now I’m here
A grown guilty man…
With guilty ol’ loins
A grown guilty man
With a thing for honies
I’ve known enough backsides
To last an entire lifetime
Please, don’t just ask me how.


I only hope
To someday soon
Find that special mate
Who’ll carry me in her
And bring back to life
The little innocent bundle
I once was.

Only this time around
I’ll be on the side of guilt
And waiting
To cuddle in my arms
The tiny bundle who, like me
Will inherit all the love—

And then I hope
Little me’s kind enough
To bring with him
And faultlessness
So I could learn
To live with myself.
Once again.

11 thoughts on “The longing in my loins” by tosyn (@tosinosha)

  1. I have just one word for this…smashing! The way U built up the lines right up till the last verse…truly a masterpiece

    1. Lol @ ‘smashing’… @edydeyemi: I’ve been told I love to break bones and smash heads even without lifting a finger.


  2. LOL. All this for the PHALLUS! Quite innovative, beautifully crafted to reflect your experiences. /I’ve known enough backsides
    To last an entire lifetime
    Please, don’t just ask me how./

    Who cares to ask you.WE KNOW!!! Imageries every where, and this did it for me.Thank you for sharing

    1. @sambrightomo: You know how these things are now. Phallus gathers momentum, wrecks damage and moves on? Doesn’t always have to be like that.

      What did I just say? I honestly didn’t say that, did I???



  3. So, you were saying?…

    1. @kaycee: Tell me it was long. That you yawned. And then you fell asleep only to wake up to find the last line, ‘Once Again’, staring at you.

      Tell me. I can take it.


  4. It took a while to connect. You started too far back. With such an audacious Title, the poem shoulda started somewhere in your teens and spoken about your daily manly struggles.

    Well done.

    1. @daireenonline: I was playing on guilt-innocence thingy, so I didn’t see myself not starting from where it all began.

      Thanks though.

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