It all feels so unreal. Somto is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I met him just two years ago, and it’s been heaven since then. Tall, fair and handsome, with a body the men on the covers of romance books would kill for, and a smile that could turn Medusa to butter, he is the stuff of fantasies. Have I mentioned his eyes? Those toffee-brown pools that turn me to jelly and weaken my resolve… mmmm. I’m going on and on, right? Well, don’t blame me. I’m just a girl in love, and I consider myself very lucky to have him.
I’m not ‘very’ anything, you see. I’m not very pretty or very curvaceous or very bold, but Somto makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world. We’ve been dating for 18 months, and I fall deeper in love with him every day. He shows me off to all his friends and even random strangers, and is the most romantic guy ever. I especially love it when he sends those little cards with cute messages to me when I’m at work, and how he winks and mouths ‘I love you’ from across the room. His friends ask me what ‘Calabar jazz’ I give him to eat that has made him practically blind to other women, and that question makes me laugh every time.
What we share transcends desire, lust, or even love. Do you know what it feels like to be so in tune with someone that you complete each other’s sentences and know what the person is thinking at that point in time? And this, without being a twin or using jazz? Of course, we have our little quarrels like any normal couple, but getting to make up makes up for everything (pun intended). Yeah, we have great sex and great conversation. Somto became my best friend, my lover, and my confidant. My mum and sisters adore him, all my friends like him, and even my granny has proclaimed that she is not going to the other side until we get married and give her a baby to name. He is perfect. So perfect I should have known before now, that something was wrong.
Yeah. My darling Somto, my nwokeoma, is cheating on me. Apparently, it’s been going on for almost 6 months. I know, because I read the Facebook messages between him and Rahila (beautiful name, isn’t it?). I am now a strong believer of the saying: “curiosity killed the cat”. I had never suspected Somto of infidelity, not even when I went through his Facebook, and not until I started reading those messages. I found out about Rahila when I went over to his place to see him 3 weeks ago. He gave me his laptop to surf the net with, but went out to drop his clothes off at the drycleaner’s, and when I tried to open Facebook, it was his profile that showed up. I guess he didn’t bother signing out since he’s usually the only one to use it. Anyway, I read his friends’ posts, and even laughed at the funny ones. Unfortunately, my finger clicked on the ‘messages’ link after a brief internal war. Curiosity!
From what I read (I started from the top after seeing the thumbnail of her sexy profile picture), they met on a flight from Lagos to Benin, and had a conversation so good that they decided to exchange contact information. Of course, the ‘friendship’ developed into something else, and God knows, after seeing her photos for myself, I do not blame him. If I were a guy, or even a lesbian, I’d hit that. It hurts, though. I read messages he sent to her on our anniversary, telling her how ‘last night was amazing’, and ‘you are a naughty, naughty girl, and I’m going to punish you tomorrow’, and when Rahila asked about ‘miss goody two-shoes’, and ‘can you put her to bed and come over?’, his reply was about how he would have loved to be with her, but had to ‘stay with Her, so she won’t feel bad’. You said you liked that I am homely and not so bold. Do you want a naughty girl, Somto? I can be a naughty girl for you.
That was three weeks ago, and since then, my life has been miserable. I know I should confront him about it, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to. What if I do it and he agrees he cheated, but is not remorseful? What if he decides to break up with me? Maybe I did something wrong and it is his way of punishing me. Maybe if I dress more provocatively, or change my hairstyle, or….. Somto, whatever I did to deserve this, please forgive me. Love me again, Somto. Love ME.
I honestly don’t know what to do. My best friend says he doesn’t deserve me and I should break up with him, but she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand what Somto and I share. Maybe she just doesn’t know that what we feel for each other is true love. He’d never hurt me. Not without a good reason. Somto is my life. He’s my world. I can’t imagine myself without him. Somto makes me feel. Besides, if I break up with him, who’s to say that the next guy won’t be even worse? Hell! Who can be like Somto? He’s a good guy, and I’m sure he has his reasons for wanting to be with Rahila.
I’m hurt now, and when he touches me or kisses me, I can’t help imagining his hands and mouth on Rahila’s perfect body. And I wonder, does she respond to his every touch like I do? Does she scream his name? Does he have a pet name for her? Does she love him like I do? There are so many questions. Last night, he kissed me after we made love, and when he whispered ‘I love you. Only you’, I cried. I had to tell him they were tears of happiness when he asked why. Somto, if you love me and only me, why am I not enough for you? Why are you with Rahila?
I have to find a way to make him happy. If I can do that, I’m sure he’ll leave her and stay with me. I can’t lose him. I don’t care, and I won’t mind if he beats me and is a bit mean, as far as I have him, and he loves me. I’ll do whatever it takes to not lose him. I’m going to try my best to win him back, but if I have to share him to have him, then so be it. Nobody will ever be able to make me feel the way he makes me feel I only hope he’s been using protection. I’m sure She is a slut, and I don’t want my baby to catch any nasty infection. I know now that I will never be able to confront him about Her, but maybe, just maybe one day I’ll realize she’s just been a very vivid bad dream. Somto, you and I were made for each other. Don’t let this other woman come between us. I need you to love ME.Only me.