Jul 282012
Wrong swathe gaze locked
And time froze
Everything lost meaning
The fuel, eyes, monstrous, beguiling
Consumed in the now
Lips, luscious, lethal
Heart, conceited, deceitful
Mouth, wild, wide
I don’t care
Champagne carried in wine glass
Stem stroked in euphoria that never was
Rocking arms, strong, shielding
Breath, warm, sizzling
Shoulders, broad, squared
Self wreaked ache, bubbling coal
Cold burns, burning still
Steel, warm, magic
Legs, weak, yielding
Pleasure, giving, receiving
Stroke melting senses away
Comfort, sorrow, tears
Tears, blood and more blood.
Interesting but unclear in many places, keep polishing your art
Good work, but could have been better if written clearer.
KC…I’ll wk on it.
….and what was your mood and the hood that inspired Toxic?
Yeah, good work, check on polishing/clarity.
Opposites. Something that seems good for one might ACtually be toxic. Many ways I could take this, so well written in that way. However, check on some of the words used. They may be wrong in context – like swathe in the first line.
swathe-wrapped isn’t out of place for me…cuz it’s true to have once gaze locked on a wrong thing.
I liked this