Diary of a Frustrated Naija Student: Big Fat Liar

So I had a really bad day. After burning my inferior but expensive brazillian hair with the flame from a candle in the name of study, the exam was nothing to write home about. I left the exam hall with gross unsatisfaction. I had two problems (i)hunger (ii) anger directed to the examiners.

Some lecturers are really wicked. My lecturer is. This man imported questions from Toronto. He forgot that back here in Nigeria we read textbooks written by Mr. Amadi who studied in one of our quack universities while Toronto pupils read texts by Theraja Theraja who studied in the great university of India. I would love to smack him behind his head but not as much as i would like to destroy Angel’s hands. The Angel in question dared to touch me while i was busy writing my exam. This man considered the exam hall, where victors are named and failures are christened the best place to chyke his student. Thank God for his gift of grace. I would have emmm, not slapped him sha but at least reprimanded him in a way. I can not shout on my lecturer. I do not want to extend this five years of torture to six or even more.

I managed to find my way to my hostel after the exam. Hungry and angry and without a means to solve both or either of the problems. I laid down on the six spring bunk i call bed. To my detriment Blessing, my beloved roomate came back full to the brim with gist and eager to off load. The hammer fell in my head once again. That was a headache. I stared at her with pleading eyes, she refused to keep quiet. She began wrangling her mouth and demonstrating with her muscles.

With zero interest i listened as she feed me with the latest gist. I would have preferred food to gist.

“Imagine, Mr Amadi asked me to sleep with him”.

Mr Amadi? That was my lecturers name. When did Engineering dudes start lecturing Masscom pupils?

“My lecturer.” She specified.

“Oh! I for say o. So when are you guys doing it or have you slept with him already?”

She ignored my question as she completed her undressing operation. I expected her to christen me ewu. She did.

“Ewu. He said he likes me and has had his eyes on me for a while now. I shouldn’t be stressing myself with reading his course as he is ready to give me an ‘A’ after he beds me”

It was the popular story of every female student in the university. My lecturer had said so to me too, the likes of Angel. I turned on my bed. I needed something to distract my mind from hunger. I hoped on Sleep but it evaded me. I stood up, opened my locker and brought out the bag of ijebu garri mama had given to me when i was returning to school. It was the only provision i had remaining. I inhaled in appreciation as i poured out some sweet smelling garri into a bowl.

“Blessing please do you have sugar?” She frowned. I had not yet reacted to her little tale. Nevertheless she turned to her locker and brought out a pack of St Louis.

“How many cubes do u want?”

“Four”. I walked down to her corner and recieved the cubes.

“So, what are you gonna do about Mr Amadi?”

“I told him he was too old for me. He is even older than my father. Besides i cannot stoop so low to sleep with my lecturer for high grades. I will feel very bad about it and be ashamed of the grade beccause i didn’t earn it.

“Story. I was familiar with that line too. I returned to my already soaked garri. It was swollen.

FACT: Blessing is a runs girl i.e someone who sleeps with old and ugly Alahajis for money and connection.

19 thoughts on “Diary of a Frustrated Naija Student: Big Fat Liar” by sylvia (@sylvia)

  1. Good story. But the prose is very disjointed and hurried. Watch out for typos. Keep wielding your pen!

  2. Ehn? Just like that? Nah. Let me believe you were just playing.

    Anyway, the prose could do with more elegance. Stretching some communication by adding needless words killed this in some areas e.g. ‘wrangling her mouth and demonstrating with her muscles’, ‘undressing operation’, inhaling ijebu ‘sweet smelling ijebu garri’ before you eat it, telling us who gave you the garri, etc. These impaired the narrative. I spotted some clichés e.g. ‘nothing to write home about.’ Lines like ‘left the exam hall with gross unsatisfaction’ were indirect.
    Then that ending was lamentable, sorry.

    Again, I believe you were just playing. Promising story. :)

  3. @Sylvia. I came away from the story wondering what it was about. Was it about showcasing how lecturers proposition their students? Was it about the bad day that the MC was having? Was it about the sweetness of ijebu gari?

    I know it’s supposed to be a diary entry, but even diary entries have a dominating theme that stands out after reading.

    But the story was well-written, with the right voice for a frustrated student.

  4. I’m liking this already. Most female students will identify. Hope there’s more, Blessing sounds interesting.

  5. All this critics O°˚˚˚!
    Everybody is an expert. Go and read my poems here on NS.( NS writers to critics)

    I got my eye on this kelechi fellow.

    @sylvia, even though your story didn’t leave the floor, it was still an above average read.
    Well done.

  6. @sylvia , I hope there is more. I feel you wrote this to vent your disgust , writing is a perfect way to express emotions. Essays or stories like this do not need a head or a tail , or do not need to follow conventional structure , it is a topic everyone can relate to.

    On the other hand, always capitalize your personal pronoun , it should be ” I ” not ” i ” . :)

    Good Write-Up

  7. Okay, you had a bad day and your room mate compounded it abi? Females and hormones sha…I believe you can do better though…kudos

  8. adams (@coshincozor)

    i have a lot to say about this story but I am sorry I am using my phone now. First of all you have a good story here! . I spotted many tense confusions ‘Lecturers are really wicked. My lecturer is. This man imported questions from Toronto.” I guess this is meant to be in the past? This one too ” six spring bunk i call bed.” “with zero interest i listened as she feed me with the latest gist. I would have preferred food to gist.”just do some touching. Yes you did more of telling here than showing us the story. Take for example, I would have like to know what apleading eye does. I would have liked to see the effect of the hunger. Something some where should have felt the anger. It was in NS here that I learned to show instead of tell. I believe you will do better. I love this expression “my beloved roomate came back full to the brim with gist and eager to off load,” maybe because it creates an imagery. At the end I couldn’t place what made Blessing a runs girl. Ok let me assume this is an introduction.

    1. adams (@coshincozor)

      Writing with phone can cause a lot of errors like it is doing to me now. Don’t do like me @Sylvia. Did you use your phone?

  9. Interesting. I like the stories because it also has interesting comments
    from interesting people.

  10. Nice try. Keep writing @sylvia

  11. In as much as the story has its flaws. It’s a story that is easily understood….Well, that’s what I think.
    Frustruation of exam hunger= Angry student. Wonder how you ended up not quarelling with that girl. It’s been said that a hungry man is an angry man.

    I do see how the title ties in with the story.
    Most likely to happen: Blessing would ‘bed’ Mr Amadi, and when her grades are high, she will say; ‘It’s a Miracle!, thank God I didn’t refuse to sleep with him.’…Hehehe.

    Keep improving dear, you ll get there…Well done…$ß.

  12. well…I think there’s some real good in this but it’s thoroughly mixed with mediocrity so it’s not as easy to appreciate. I suspect that if you’d spent just a little more time to edit this, it could have been a lot better. okay effort.

  13. i really do appreciate your observations and comments @ everybody. Truth is i rushed this story. I ll work on it.

    Thks @ everybody

  14. Good write. But left me hanging. Something is missing…

  15. ‘@everybody’ Nice one! :) The story is pacy and very hungry… :)
    Would make for some good read. Of course I know you would work on it so no wahala.
    Do let us see the next piece soon. Well done.

  16. Emmm….just finish up the tale, NS dudes are always eager to edit

  17. I enjoyed this story. I like that you can take us so easily to the scenes. And yes, keep improving your art. There is no end to learning.

Leave a Reply