Stagefright

Stagefright

One night, I dey chill for house around eight
When I hear person dey knock for my gate;
I com shout, “Who be that wey dey knock that gate?
“If you spoil am you go weld am this night, straight.”

The person reply, “Don’t insult me, I’m a graduate!
“I just came to drop a letter for a person called Ate.”
I on the outside lights, the place come illuminate
I go outside, take the letter, tell am I appreciate.

I open the letter look am, the first thing I see na date
I come dey wonder why the letter arrive so late.
I waka enter house as my head begin inflate.
The letter talk say I go perform for stage!

On D-day, as I enter motor, one of the tires deflate.
I come waka small, enter okada reach the venue gate.
The seats side dey dark, but light cover the stage,
I dey feel the people eyes, though I no fit see any face.

As I climb stage, my leg dey shake, I no fit concentrate.
I carry microphone, as I wan talk, the thing begin dey gyrate.
I see another mic wey I come manage captivate.
But my mouth don dry like harmattan climate.

I just dey fumble, I no fit communicate.
I do like say I ready, come indicate.
But as I wan swallow, I no fit salivate.
I just dey sweat like say the place no ventilate.

E be like them come dey laugh me for backstage.
Shame catch me, I think say I dey hallucinate.
All the rehearsal wey I do, all don evaporate!
Sweat spread down my trouser like say I dey urinate,

Worst of all, na only me the stage light dey illuminate.
My heart beat dey echo, my body dey vibrate.
I open mouth talk wetin I no fit translate.
After all my ginger, say I be expatriate.

Then if you hear the silence enh, you go faint.
I stumble, I come form like say e dey deliberate.
Na that time my eye come clear! I no dey exaggerate.
I look up, look down, choi! It was very passionate.

So all the sweating and shaking was inappropriate.
The place was as empty as the thanksgiving of an ingrate!



53 thoughts on “Stagefright” by Zazu (@literati)

  1. Lolzzz… @Zazu, dis story weh u write sweet my bele.

  2. wow! nice one, men. Pidgin make sense!

    1. thank u @obiaguomba. Pidgin na my second language, I still dey learn

  3. Hehehe…reminds me of that stand up joke about Kate…urs end in d same sounds like that one…What stagefright can do…Well done..

    Good to have you back Zuaz,…

    1. @sibbylwhyte na u and who don com back? I jus dey waka pass…
      Thankssss;-)

  4. Unique, and well-written. Good job.

    1. Thanks. Hw u dey today?

  5. Hahahahahaha. Nice one man

  6. Hahaha…hahaha….Ah! I love this!

  7. I found this hilarious, @literati.

    I loved the way you used all those long -ate words, and how the poem still worked.

    I loved how you used pidgin, and yet the poem still flowed.

    Please accept 30 points.

    1. awww…@TolaO
      Hw I wan take talk am pass?
      I appreciate!
      One day I go reciprocate.

    2. @Literati,

      You sabi how to motivate!
      Now my own tori, I wan go create
      So you fit see am and appreciate.

  8. literati u’re a great art.
    Nice one man
    See as u rhyme big time in da local….

    1. thanks @charles. I local na, wetin man pikin go do?

  9. hehehehehhehhehheheheh…i love ds and am sure @sambright will too,pidgin tins,d rhymes make sense.

    1. @obionyinye make Ate catch u dey laff am… Who be @sambrightomo?

      1. @zazu@sambrightomo is a brother on NS dat also writes in pidgin…very hilarious stories

    1. I dodge am!
      Thank u @louis

  10. hehehehe bros this was tight! My day is made…Well Done!

    1. ah madam @teewah my week is made!
      Thanks

  11. Hail!
    No one sets eyes on this and looks back.
    Man you great.

    1. comin from a star…means a lot! Thanks @ostar

  12. Choi! This poem make sense die! I wan die for laughter here! Guess it’s about time I signed on here!

    Emeka Amakeze
    @EmekaAmakeze

    1. Emeka beta join sharperly, and tell @admin say na me carry u come o!

  13. Something fresh. Great work. Enjoyed it.

  14. I like the last two lines.

    1. the punchlines. Why u nor go lyk dem…
      Thanks @kaycee

  15. That last line…

    CLASSIC.

  16. Funny and fresh.
    well done

  17. Zazu, Oba rhymes – I bow…lolz

    1. @petunia007 I present cephalic ;-)

  18. You sabi rhyme… A round of applause for you.

  19. I commend you on the effort of writing poetry in pidgin
    Especially when it comes to rhyming it and maintaining the consistency of the pattern.

    It always presents the danger of forcing the rhymes.

    However I wondering about this part:

    The person reply, “Don’t insult me, I’m a graduate!
    “I just came to drop a letter for a person called Ate.”

    A person called ‘Ate’? This sounds forced. I think you could have used a better word.
    Still…you try no be small!

    1. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

      I agree with everyone, you did something bold and new, however like afronuts i think some lines were forced Ate a greek name? lol, i thought the poem was more of a local thing. if you would , i could provide a more thorough set of suggestions. Nice story , Good work.

  20. @Afronuts thank u no be small. Na ur kind comment I dey appreciate.
    As for d name Ate, na [Greek] person name be dat o! I check am for dictionary…abi Wikipedia, and d name fit d person wella. Me sef I surprise wen I see am.
    But thank u sha…I dey gbadun ur critique.

  21. Apt use of words.This is what poetry is all about.@literati keep firing.And as for the pidgin,bros your head dey dier!!!
    I know my pepo.Very creative,very creative.

  22. Its Zazu again. Love your rhymes bro.

  23. ok @nicolebassey u asked for it. Ate used to be d nickname of a very very local guy I know, till he found out it was/is the name of the Greek god of mischief. Besides, haven’t u heard the stage names of our local music artistes? Thirdly, every poet has the right to create new words for his poetry. Ask Shakespeare & Dr Seuss. When u see new words don’t call them forced, call them new.;-)

  24. @Zazu, nothing more, na to begin carry you celebrate
    So over try sef, no mind pple wey no dey appreciate
    Their mouths no trafficate, instead make dem follow jolificate

    1. @whizpoet abeg arrange the crates
      Make somebody load the plates
      Me I don go fix date
      For the party wey u illustrate;-)
      I appreciate!

  25. Jo (@josephoguche)

    Great Concept … Catch you on the top … !

  26. Beautiful and funny…you try no be small….well done!

    1. The quin of pidgin herself! @enoquin of pidgin…na me hail pass!

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