Oluwakemi

Oluwakemi

The first time I saw you
Was the day you gave a full smile
That caught the attention of the crescent sun
… … It was the day I came out of darkness
Because you chose to become my light
My own crescent sun
It was a day my dreams ended
Because you chose to become a reality
That day was glorious bright
The lustrous green leaves gave a charming smile
To the appearance of the golden sun
The birds were freely flew upon the sky’s table
The rivers poured stylishly into the bounty of the
Flowing sea’s pool
Everything was good and in order
I knew from your eyes
That I had no more secrets
You are my hidden secrets exposed

From your hair down to your feet
I knew God painstakingly spent extra days
To create a mortal like you for me
When God was creating a million

You stood as one in a million
And when God completed the whole creation
Out of the billion, you outshine their union
You are true because you are rarer
You are not an Angel, Angels are meant to serve men
You are the essence of beauty, impeccable daughter of Eve
My true story, my superstition, my reality
I was overwhelmed with ecstasy
The night I first saw you, because
There was change to life;
Nature sang a new song to us
I watched us above
I watched Abraham’s seeds up in the blue clouds
And truly my book of love
Out of the union of stars above
We stood apart to outshine their union
Diamonds are expensive and scarce
You are priceless and one
And because God loves and cared so much for me
He gave you to me, and I said OLUWAKEMI

 



15 thoughts on “Oluwakemi” by lawore olufemi (@laworemike)

  1. I love it when a poem is prosaic and yet retaining the flow of poetry in its every line. That is what you did with these line- your message is well passed, and your theme is well developed like an essay: it has an intro, a body and a conclusion. (I hope to reach your height someday, I must admit you are good). However, I think you need to work on these lines.

    “The birds were freely flew upon the sky’s table…” I think it would be better as ” The birds flew freely in the sky”

    …and the lines: “And because God loves and cared so much for me
    He gave you to me, and I said OLUWAKEMI…”
    I’ld love it as “…and you became my Eve, whom I named OLUWAKEMI.”

    It’s only a suggestion. You are free to trash it.

    1. thank you brother … i will right the wrong and work more on myself

  2. “The birds were freely flew…”
    Check that.

  3. ‘You are the essence of beauty, impeccable daughter of Eve
    My true story, my superstition, my reality’ – these lines I loved.

    some tense wahala i fink…and would rily have loved to read it in yoruba, sounds like it would have been more dramatic.

    Well Done!

    1. that is why i will keep writing and reading till I am satisfied with my works…thanks teewah

  4. There goes another romantic rendition.Your words are apt to create imageries.But check the expressions as outline by kaycee.Well done.

    1. i noticed the mistake when i was previewing…

  5. Sweet, I love this.

  6. Awww so sweet..am in love,lollllll….YOU ARE TRUE BECAUSE YOU ARE RARER….check ds line

  7. you are true because you are rare.. thanks

  8. Love love love. Watch ur tenses.
    Nice poetry.

  9. thank you… love is life, so where there is love there is life. .mistakes are noted

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