Devil’s Script

The ground was covered with thick black smoke. Large tongues of red flame balls jumped up and down enthusiastically as I ascended slowly. I found myself out of my body as soon as I heard that loud GBAM! Sound and everything went dark. As I defied the force of gravity at a dizzying speed, I caught faint glimpses of the rubbles of once magnifying structures. Could this be the end I wondered as I ascended the skies rapidly?
• * *
I had been married for a little less than eighteen months. When news got to me that a bundle of joy has just been added to my young family. I must wrap up my engagements today to unite with my family. But I have to hold a crucial meeting with my clients before I depart. I looked at my wristwatch.
“I can finish my meeting and take the evening flight” I muttered. I picked up my phone and dialed. The familiar sweet voice that often drives me to ecstasy came alive
“Wale I hope you have not changed your mind?”
“I do not think I will be able to make it d-a-a-r-l-i-n-g”! I told Deremi teasingly…
“You can’t be serious she said laughing”…
Deremi, my wife had a way of discerning whenever I tried to tease her.
“The baby can’t wait to see you” her sonorous voice brought me back from my reverie
“Guess what… I have a surprise for my son”…
“What surprise she crooned”
“It’s a surprise my dear”….
She persisted but I cut her off by telling her I will soon be home.
• * *
I got to the airport at about 5minutes late and I saw my scheduled flight departing the airport.
“You don’t understand, I have to fly today” I tried to explain to the boarding manager who was checking passengers into the next flight. As we argued, one of the passengers came down looking distressed and clutching his phone to his ears, obviously he was not keen on travelling any longer. I quickly purchased his ticket and rushed to pick my seat in the aircraft. I relaxed on my seat at the business class section as the plane taxied off the runway and ascended in height. I looked at the couple beside me with their three kids and I felt proud and happy that I had also become a father. I saw two pretty young girls seated in front of me and my mind wondered at what I would have done when I was still single and sowing wild oats. A mischievous smile crept through my face. Some lousy young business executives were arguing on top of their voices behind me. I gave them a cold stare which sent messages to them. I looked at my wrist watch and knew that in an hour or thereabout I should be in the warm embrace of my wife.
All of a sudden, at about 40minutes into the flight, the plane began to jerk at first gently and slowly then very rapidly. People began to panic as crew members made unconvincing attempts to pacify them, but I was calm. The plane began to nose dive rapidly as it became apparent that a crash was inevitable. My whole life from childhood, my parents, my siblings, my education, my work, my lovely wife and my unseen child flashed through my mind all in a minute as the plane plunged into buildings and down. All was silent at first, but cries and shouts for help started coming from all parts of the plane as bedlam prevailed. I was motionless as I lay down beneath one of the upturned seats. A thumping pain seized my neck. Then heat and smoke began to envelope the whole cabin. I felt my flesh melting and all of a sudden a loud explosion, and total darkness.

24 thoughts on “Devil’s Script” by babsiwalewa (@babsiwalewa)

  1. Everyone on that plane definitely had a story…

    Well Done, but I think you had your tenses mixed up at the beginning.

  2. To honour the dead, people should at least make sure their posts are well written.

    1. @kaycee

      You don kolo! So only ‘well written posts’ honor the dead?!


      1. @seun-odukoya
        I won’t want to have typos on my epitaph or something na

        1. @Kaycee, you sure have a ‘gothic’ sense of humour but you are right.

        2. man wey don waka no know wetin dem write for him epitaph-lol

        3. LMAO!

          I can imagine how post-humously embarrassing that can be!

    2. Teeehehehe…

  3. Apart from tense mixups, punctutation errors also show up.

    Look at this sentence:

    “I had been married for a little less than eighteen months. When news got to me that a bundle of joy has just been added to my young family. ”

    There should be a comma; not a full stop after the months.

    And then the story…I think it can be better. More suspense. More emotion

  4. Not bad. Nice try

  5. Why Devil’s script, did you go to hell?
    Your write-up looked hurried sha. Maybe you should look through it again.

  6. This is one of the non poetry submissions and the story was quite touching. However you may need to work on it in case it is selected for the anthology.

  7. Clear message

    need proper edit.

  8. Yet let it heal, as I hear their voices in this voice.
    You spoke it.

  9. A simple and straightforward, if sad story, @babsiwalewa.

    I like how you showed the diverse kinds of people who flew on the ill-fated flight.

    The tense/punctuation issues have already been mentioned.

    Well done.

  10. I liked the story sha…tenses and all. Edit, no need to rush the story. Well done

  11. Nice try…some of the stuff have been mentioned e.g. runway and ascended in height.
    You *ascend * that’s height why put it again There?

  12. this is sad for those who died in that ill fated flight- well bros you will surely improve as you progress cheers

  13. Needs to be edited.

  14. Enjoyed it, felt it. Nice one. Just needs brushing up.

  15. nice….keep writing

  16. Okay….another narration of a late victim on the plane

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