Correspondence

 

Woman, open your gates

Let me ride across your bridge

Let me cross the river Jordan

Let me have access to that fertile farmland

The season is still young

Let me plant crops

Now is the time to plant

For soon the rains will cease

And this soil will lose its loam

Its fertility lasts only forties

Let me be the farmer

Who crossed your hills.

And rode across your vales.

 

Husband, I want you to know

That to plant in my little garden

Is not the problem

But will you water your crops?

Will you tend the shoots?

Will you?

Why not be the farmer

Who will care for the fields

The grains and the yield?

Husband, keep your tools.

Why not be the caterpillar

Who will transport the crops?

Or the farmer

Who will harvest the crops?

 

 

 

 IF YOU NEVER LOVED ME

 

  (a poem for  mother)

 

If you never loved me

If you never lived by me

If you never fought by me

I would’ve been a mirage

 

Your love for me lived and loved

And shone forth bright as the sun

And with your every heartbeat

Your love kept my heart fly

 

Now, never wonder why, mother

 

Your love, mother, is an eagle

It hovers over me in my trouble

Your love covers over my heart

Like waters cover over the very sea

 

And now I sprout and smile

And now I groom and bloom

And now I live in glee

Because your love made me.

 

Have I wronged you mother?

 

Let this simmer and strain

If I have wronged you, I smile

Not for joys, not in despair

It’s what it means to be your son

 

You’re still my sun, mother

You’re still my sun in my gloom

You’re still my moon in my despair

You’re still my care in my trouble.

 

Oh Mother, oh Queen

Oh Queen Mother

I’ll love you forever.



22 thoughts on “Correspondence” by Famous Isaacs (@doremi)

  1. I love the first, indeed would he tend the crops he planted?..
    The second…good one for the mothers too…Well done…$ß.

    1. thanks pal. yu know…after all the comments i got from yu and @Eletrika on my previous poems, i really saw good reasons to work on my approach to poetry. i appreciate people who criticise well, saying well done when they see a good work, and telling it boldly when the work is not as good, and pointing out what they like or dislike about the work. well done sister.

  2. The first is beautiful
    The second tried

    1. i appreciate tour comment @Kaycee. more ink to your pen

      1. They still use pen and ink?

  3. I liked the first one more too. I don’t know if putting up these two poems worked. I understand it is the word count thing sha.

    1. yh u are sure right. i know that grouping them together does nt work thematically, but th work count thing…i just could not work it out any other way.

      1. The word count has been reverted so I believe you can publish one poem going forward. I alos like the first poem more but both are good. Well done.

        1. i think that’s a great move you made stopping the word count thing. thanks.

  4. I love the first one. Really interesting and I love the second one as well. There’s no poem about Mothers that I don’t love.

    Welldone @doremi.

    Keep working you art till you get better.

    1. thanks @lancaster. i really had a tough time growing up, and my mother was always there for me. it’s why i love so much to always write smthing for her even if it might not really be my best work.

  5. Prefer the first. Both are good though.

  6. Love both poems. Keep it up!

  7. That first poem shines. It flows good. And it has a message.

    1. thanks to y’all NS family and friends. i really appreciate your comments.

  8. I like both, decent.

  9. Definitely love the first one…a very luvli, interesting, funny, and deep piece!

    I like the second only because its a “mother poem”. The words were nice, but I believe it could have been woven in a better way.

    Well done!

    1. i’ll do the best i can to try re-weaving it in a better way. thanks for the suggestion.

  10. I liked the first more. I believe that the more you write, the better you’ll become.

    1. the best way to improve in an art is to engage in it practically, more often.

  11. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

    I guess telling you the one i like more is not exactly helpful critique.
    I cant see the title for the first one so i ll call it Husbandman’s Request
    i like it but the woman’s response isnt as lyrical or as succint as the man’s.
    I think she needed to tell us why she rebuffed him.
    Are there crops he has left to grow wild and unattended?
    Did he abscond in the last planting season and leave her to face harvest and preservation and weeding alone?
    There is an incompletenes about that response, look at it again and tell me what you think.

    1. I really appreciate your comment on the poem. I titled it “Correspondence”; it is meant to be a feminist poem. The images in it are agricultural. when the characters talk of planting crops, it is with reference to the process of child-making, and when the woman asks who will do the harvesting it is in response to the traditional believe that women raise the children and men own them. the process of doing the weeding is the process of caring for the needs of the children from their childhood to adulthood. in the countrysides of africa from which i come, this “duty” has become the woman’s, a clear example being what operates in my family. it is in response to this circumstance that i wrote “Correspondence”, more like the woman saying to the husband: “there will be No child bearing, if you will not care appropriately for the children we’ll give birth to.”
      you asked: “I think she needed to tell us why she rebuffed him.
      Are there crops he has left to grow wild and unattended?” well from the scenario it is quite made that the woman hasnt given birth to any children yet, but she is in fear of what might happen after she does, owing to what she has seen other women go through.

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