‘I killed her’.
12 months have passed and I still haven’t been able to forgive myself. The boy I was would definitely be ashamed of the man I had become.
‘Patience’, her name keeps echoing inmy head.
There was a time when her name was the most pleasant noun I knew. I remember teasing her that some names were paradoxical;
‘Do you know Tuface Idibia? His first name is Innocent but he is known to father children from various women outside marriage and so he is best described as Guilty’. I informed her
‘And the comedian, Basketmouth, his first name is Bright but he looks so dull’. I explained further
‘And most people that are called patience are most often impatient.’ I concluded.
She laughed at my jokes but didn’t think it was neccesary to tell me whether she was indeed a patient person or not.
I had gone to visit Femi in Agege but he wasn’t home and I had to wait. I needed to use the convenience so I walked into Mama Cass with the confidence of a customer and eased myself before making an order for bottled water.
If I could rewind time, I would stay at home and played Pro Evolution Soccer (PES) with my brother. I wouldn’t have gone to Agege. I wouldn’t have entered Mama Cass. I would have kept to myself and not said hello to the damsel who sat on her own. I wouldn’t have told her I was an undergraduate in the University of Lagos. I wouldn’t have taken her phone number and most significantly, I wouldn’t have followed-up on her. But I did.
Don’t get me wrong, patience was a lovely girl, young, naïve and on a scale of one to ten, I would score her nine for decency. I had seen and been with so many girls so this girl seemed like a rare find. I wanted to take her to bed and the strategy was always the same;
‘Never tell the truth, most ladies prefer to believe a lie’
Patience had just finished secondary school and was preparing for JAMB Examination. I, on the other hand, was extremely experienced about campus life. I wanted to sweep her off her feet and I had a carefully prepared plan. I never imagined that she would not only be swept off her feet but that she would come crashing to the ground.
‘That’s my aunty’ she announced, pointing at a lady outside the eatery.
She had earlier informed me that she was waiting for her aunty but I just imagined that she was lying and was waiting for a guy.
‘I better go and pick her before she goes the wrong way’ Patience announced
She smiled and just before she walked away I pulled out my ‘BB’ and took a picture of two of us standing side by side.
‘Why did you do that?’ She asked.
‘It’s not everytime God sends an Angel to us, so if I don’t see you again, I would never forget your beautiful face’ I replied in the most deductive manner.
She just giggled and then walked away.
My mission was simple; ‘Enter the place’, ‘chop and clean mouth’. Fortunately, the girl was ‘feeling the boy’.
Femi came busting into the Eatery sweating all over.
‘Baba abeg no vex’, He apologised
‘The hold-up for abartoir na die!’ He explained
I wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying; I had a few more pressing issues on my mind.
‘Guy you know this babe’ I asked showing him patience’s picture on my phone.
‘Na patience be dat nah!’ He replied with a quering look on his face.
‘So what’s her story’ I enquired further
‘Guy, the babe na small girl’ Femi said in a failed attempt to discourage me
‘Ehn ehn, U wan make I dey follow old woman abi ? ‘ I asked, making sure that Femi understood that I had decided to ‘do the thing’ with the girl, small girl or not.
We walked out of mama cass, I didn’t even notice whether the traffic light was working or not.
‘So Famoo, what’s the girl’s story’, I quizzed Femi further
‘I no go lie you, she is a very decent girl. Many guys don try the girl but she no dey look anybody face. As you take get her picture, you try o!’,
Femi stopped talking hoping that I had gotten all the information I need.
‘So how I go score for her post’ I asked
‘Guy, na you sabi as you go take do that one o, but you for free the girl o !’ Femi advised.
I had learnt that no matter how expensive a girl was, there was always a guy that slept with her for free. In this case I was going to be that guy.
The french have a saying that I have discovered to be very true,
‘La femme comme le silhouette, guand tu la pursuit elle te fais mais guand tu le fais elle te pursuit’
It means, ‘a woman is like a shadow when you pursue she runs but when you run she pursues’
My plan was simply to let her fall in love with me, then make her chase me, at that stage taking her to bed would be the least of my ‘wahala’. I met a shocker when I came close to her. I had a week to do my thing and disappear but I forget the number one rule of a player ; Never fall in love.
Her smile was genuine, her eyes so beautiful. She was so naïve and there was something sweet about her innocence. We talked about almost everything, she never doubted me even though I told a lie about almost everything. I wasn’t even a student of University of Lagos; I did a diploma and never got admitted. I didn’t pass my WAEC in one sitting as I had claimed. But I could tell that she was always telling me the truth, I didn’t plan to fall in love with her but I fell and unfortunately she loved my too.
I could tell she loved me by the way she stored my number phone, ‘Mr. Awesome’. The way she giggled when she picked my call and the way she stared at me. My plan was failing, 3 weeks had gone by like 3 days and all I had done was kiss and touch first base.
‘Was it too late to restart the relationship? Turn a new leaf and just start afresh?’, I asked myself
I had told too many lies, to come out clean I would have to do a change of name and wait till the end of the semester so I would tell her that I had been sent out of school.
The day I met her parents, I was surprised at the ease with which they took me as a son. They asked me what I was doing and I lied like a pro, they didn’t seem convinced but they gave me the benefit of the doubt.
Patience and I got intimate one day; she had decided not to go for JAMB lessons and I came over to her house. We started by laughing at each other’s jokes, then we stared at each other; there was a moment of silence and, she kissed me.
It was as though all the blood in my body ran south; Big brother responded immediately. I kissed her back, passionately and without restrain. The number of items on our body gradually reduced until we were both on the floor; without clothes.
I found myself learning a new course. She was wet and I knew it but I was so in Love with her and couldn’t do ‘the thing’, she deserved someone better than me.
That day I learnt something new; restrain.
I could see in her eyes that she felt let down, she really wanted it but I knew better; she would regret it. But then, I made a mistake, I looked into her eyes then whispered,
‘Rubie, you are are virgin, I can’t do it’
I saw a tear roll down her cheeks as though I had sentenced her to a miserable life.
‘So what are you saying?’ She asked
‘I mean, I love you …’ I responded, But she interupted,
‘Then give it to me now’ she requested
I should have quickly talked about the fact that I didn’t have a condom; although I always carried one (or two) in my wallet (I never had sex without protection). I should have told her about contraceptives. I should have told her about the importance of waiting (abstinence) but I gave her the worst advice.
‘I can’t disvirgin you’, I made a simple statement but she saw a need to break the hymen on my behalf.
I had to use my head not my heart.
‘What would Jesus do (WWJD)’ I asked myself.
Sometimes I didn’t qualify to call upon Jesus but at times like this, I run to Him for help. I had to disappear, I had to do it for patience, and I had to do it because I loved her. She tried calling me a couple of times but I didn’t pick her calls. Although she knew Femi, she was too shy to go talk to him.
She sent a couple of text messages but most times I deleted them before I even read them. Once in a while, I took out time to read one or two of her messages before deleting,
‘Awesome, this is not fair O!’
‘Is it painful, when someone loses her virginity?’
‘Please pick up your phone; I will do anything for you’
‘I love you please’
I had messed up too many girls; I was sincerely hoping she wouldn’t be one of the statistics of girls I had conquered.
One of her messages shook me,
‘Awesome, I will do it if that is what you want’
‘Is she going to do what I think she is going to do?’ I thought to myself.
I had learnt that when a lady eats the forbidden fruit, it’s difficult to turn back. I hoped that she wouldn’t find it difficult to turn back.
I didn’t respond to her message and I had barred her number, but I got a text message that scared me.
‘I hate you ! Why didn’t you tell me that it was going to very painful’
My first emotion was disgust, then betrayal, then pity. I began to ask myself,
‘Who is more stupid, me for just disappearing or her for thinking she had to disvirgin herself to get me back?’
I was tempted to call and ask how she was doing, find out if the guy used condoms or if she used any contraceptive. But, I wasn’t ready to come out of my self-imposed exile yet.
The messages stopped coming and I felt a bitter-sweet sense of relief. Then, 3 weeks later, I received a message from Patience.
‘I am pregnant’
Now I was convinced that she had been stupid and I had been more stupid, both of us were two stupid people who fell love.
Pity, regret, disappointment; these were the emotions running through my head. I had to go and see her. I was tempted to ask myself,
‘Na me do am ?’
But love prevailed, I prepared to manage the situation but first, I had to have a solid explanation for my disappearance.
I showed up at her door the following day, I made a delibrate effort to look stressed out.
‘How could you just abandon me like that’ I began
Patience looked at me with a querying stare.
I continued, ‘Thank God I am alive’
I was trying to make myself the subject matter and it was working.
‘What happened to you?’ She asked
‘Didn’t Femi tell you that I had been kidnapped?’
I knew that Femi had returned to school and that Patience was too shy to go talk to him. Before she could answer, I continued.
‘I saw them kill people for rituals; if not for God I would have been dead’
She took my hand and led me into the house. I was a professional liar and my plan was working.
Tears rolled down her eyes profusely, now I was confused.
‘Is she crying because of the story, because of what she had done or because she is pregnant?’, I asked myself.
Before long, I realised that she was crying because of the three reasons. I couldn’t allow her to cry alone so I conjure some crocodile tears mixed with genuine tears and we cried together.
I dried my tears and helped her to dry hers.
‘Patience, there is always a way around everything’ I began
Her face brightened up and her ears stood. I made a delibrate effort to ensure that I wasn’t going to tell another half truth.
‘Sincerely, I am not sure you are ready to have a baby’ she interrupted almost before I could complete my statement.
‘My parents will kill me for bringing such shame to them, a pastor and a deaconess, No Oh ! I can’t do that to them. ‘
‘Relax, everything would be alright’, I assured her
‘You could do an abortion but then you need to let the guy know and hear what he has to say’ I tried to help her feel relaxed.
I went further to tell her that in the earlier stages many ladies swallow this and that and the pregnancy is flushed out.
I wasn’t trying to make suggestions in her head, I just wanted to sound like I knew what I was doing but once again I was stupid but this time she was more stupid.
She promised me that she would talk to the guy and I promised that I would come see her at home the following day. That was the last time I saw her.
The following day when I got to her house there was so much pandemonium. I learnt that she was dead,
‘How did it happen?’ But nobody gave a direct answer; I however overheard someone say she was poisoned.
That was when it dawned on me, my impatient patience, had done it again probably swallowed the wrong drugs and died.
If I could rewrite the story, I wouldn’t tell her a single lie. I would let her know that abstinence is cool. I would educate her about contraceptive choices and the importance of ALWAYS having safe sex with a single partner. But I had just been a part of a drama for which there was no return. I realise that we were stupid in love.
NAME – Peter Okolie
COUNTRY – Nigeria
BIO – I am an IT consultant, a part time graphics designer, a part time web developer and a full time writer. I am a people person and a passionate social entrepreneur.