Osas and I arrive at what seems to be the venue of his brothers’ show and we are ushered in through the performer’s entrance.
“Are you crazy Osas, I’m a married woman”.
“Keep your helmet on I have to take care of a small obligation, and then we’re out of here”.
He whispers back to me as we make our way in. At the base of the stage, he hands me to a bouncer; one of those types, swollen up from steroids. I don’t look out of place, the array of outfits backstage just have me looking like another performer. Thanks to years of keeping fit, in this outfit my age is indeterminable.
What on earth? Oh my God Osas is on stage, the helmet has been replaced with sunglasses and girls are screaming….Osas is Loo.
I stand in utter awe as I watch him perform (through the helmet).
This is not what I planned. I’m not much into music but how could I not have known that Osas is Loo. He looks a tad smaller in real life, I never saw him wearing his trade mark sunglasses…..and this boy just could not be the notorious Loo. He is, and he is on stage and the crowd is wild. The effect he has on this huge crowd turns me on. What does this boy want from me? He is huge, in more ways than one, a superstar, and a good twelve years younger than I am…..what do I want from this boy? Maybe I should just leave here and now. No, just tonight, I will let myself go. I will feel sexy and desirable, I will wallow in it. Tomorrow, I shall repent, I promise.
Hmmmm, I don’t want to wake up. My one night is over and ooh what a night. It was everything I fantasized about and more. In my fantasy, he wasn’t Loo, and he didn’t take me right in the limo on our way to the hotel, and two more times in the hotel and twice this morning. No the reality beat the fantasy hands down.
I shoot right up and look at my wristwatch. It is twelve thirty pm. I have a women’s ministry meeting in church by two….Gosh, this boy is gorgeous. He is sitting at the coffee table by the balcony drinking coffee; a naked Adonis. Why does he look so sad? As if aware of my stare, he turns around and smiles at me.
“Hey sexy, coffee?”
Julius has been too busy to notice my affair. He hasn’t noticed the changes in me nor minds that I seem to travel a lot these days. His cousin is staying with us so I know my kids are in good hands. I nag less and for that I’m sure Julius is grateful. I feel like a different woman from the Adaobi of just weeks ago. It isn’t possible any more, not with the validation that Osas showers on me. I will not leave Julius but I refuse to feel like a worthless woman. He is doing his thing and I am doing mine. We are getting along better. We are even having sex again.
It’s been seven months and Osas says he is in love with me. I feel protective of Osas. I know how he held on to his dream despite his family. I know how he feels he is not more than everybody’s cash cow. His melancholic nature and substance abuse make him intense and exciting. I’ve been to Dubai twice and to the States once with him. Julius thinks I’m so busy because I am expanding. He doesn’t ask for details and I don’t offer any. A few people really close to Osas now know that we are having an affair and I dread the press circus, if we are exposed, but I am having such a good time. I have become a really bad girl at thirty four; mile high club and all.
He showers me with gifts and I dare not admire anything while he is anywhere around me. Sadly I have to leave most of them behind at “our” home on Banana Island. On my thirty fifth birthday, he bought me a Bentley and ended up crying because I couldn’t come over, not even for a few minutes. I can only drive the car around when I spend time with him.
I always know when he is not working, I know because he wants to constantly be on the phone with me, talking or pinging. I am uncomfortable. Osas is too intense. Osas is “bad market”. He says he wants to marry me. He once locked us both in his bedroom and missed a show where he was headlining along with R Kelly, because I told him I suspected that I was pregnant. He was mad because we always use protection so obviously it isn’t his. I gently try to remind him that I have a family, children whom I must put ahead of everything else even myself. It is for them that everyone told me to stick it out; so that another woman will not maltreat my children.
I am worried. This is not what I bargained for. Osas is just too possessive. He is suffocating me. It’s been a year and I want out. The wings he gave me need to spread out.
I catch his eyes over the counter at the bespoke shirt place. Apparently he is the owner, gorgeous, just my type. I catch his eyes again and smile. While Osas is getting fitted, we exchange numbers and bb pins. His name is Chudi.
I break it off with Osas, claiming that Julius and I have decided to work at our marriage. It is dramatic. He smokes so much weed and drinks so much I am afraid to leave him alone. I leave him fast asleep and spent in the morning disgusted with myself. I will not be trapped in an obligatory situation any longer. No way, thanks to Osas, I have gotten my groove back; I have hatched and don’t want to be shelled again.
I smile as I straddle Chudi on his office table. I have been looking forward to this all week. Chudi is slim and built and just like Osas, he is a poster boy for my lower lip fetish. He is twenty nine and damn fine. Being with Osas opened me up tremendously to my sexuality and sensuality. I am eager to move on. Chuks is obviously having a good time; time to let go and ride out the moment with him.
Osas is haunting me. He is staring at me from the TV overhead as Chuks grinds my body to his in that final moment of orgasm. Too late, I close my eyes as I ride the waves with Chuks. As I orgasm, the words on the screen sear themselves in my brain, BREAKING NEWS: R&B SENSATION LOO DIES IN SUSPECTED SUICIDE.
It’s been a week since Osas died……committed suicide. I’ve been steadily having nightmares; the same one every night. In my dream, I am having sex with Chudi and Osas bleeding away, is staring at us but I can’t stop, I keep going.
I am stretched to the limit with apprehension. There is mention of a suicide note but the family are keeping the contents to themselves. I never got close to his brother/manager Henry. I have called him twice this week but he has neither taken my calls nor acknowledged them. I can’t bear it anymore I need to see Chudi. I need to let off some of this tension.
Chudi is at the perfect age of pleasing a woman. His skills must have now been fine tuned as against the sheer force and frenzy of Osa’s twenty two adrenalin pumping years. I miss Osas and I am worried that my name is going to pop up somewhere soon. I had been supremely cautious with cleaning up my tracks, I just didn’t figure in emotional tracks or psychological tracks and cracks.
I quickly find the flower pot with Chudi’s spare keys. He didn’t hesitate a bit when I suggested we meet. Instead he took over the reins of the planning. I like men eager. When Julius and I first met, I thought he was a gentleman. I realised later that shifting the responsibility of any joint endeavours between he and I to me was just Julius being Julius, noncommittal. Yup, an individual could be married and non committal. When you live with someone like that, over time, he rewires your emotions. You become a complete mess with suspicions and negative self image as constant companions. He is with me but apart from word of mouth, he doesn’t try very much to validate me or my existence in his life. Sometimes I wish he is deliberately cruel, but he isn’t. Julius just doesn’t care beyond what he desires out of life per time. See my predicament?
Chudi’s studio apartment is very contemporary and clean. I am admiring the paintings when I hear the key turn in the lock. I don’t turn. The painting I’m looking up at is conveniently facing the entrance. I am wearing a black lacy merry widow and six inch red glitter court shoes and nothing else. My butt gets more compliments than any other part of me so I am most eager to stick it out and await his entry. I spread my legs and sip my wine as I wait. The door opens. I hear his breath catch. He clears his throat.
Osas would have known just what to do right away.
I turn around to encounter two pairs of eyes. If it wasn’t so awkward it would be funny; the look on their faces. The colleague’s eyes are ripping my flesh off my skin. Are you kidding? He is dreamier than Chudi could ever hope to be and the way he is looking at me….
“Pick your jaw up from the ground guys”, said I delightedly.
Chudi is suddenly he-man proprietary with me. Right, whatever starts his engine as long as he starts mine, we’re cool. Colleague who lives two floors up leaves and Chudi and I are all alone. I will not think about that perfect specimen that just walked out…or why not? It works for me with Julius.
Chudi is a waste of manhood. All he wants to do is talk about Osas. As he goes to get another bottle of wine, I feign a call. I have to go; I have no time for the evening that Chudi proposes. I thought we would just get down to it and I could be home before my children’s 8pm weekend bedtime. Kiss, kiss at the elevator. I get down and take the next elevator to the fifth floor where “steaming hot colleague” lives. I try a random door and get pointed out to his apartment. He opens the door and I just know I’m in for a treat.
Sadly my babies are fast asleep when I get home but my smile remains as I shower. I found out his name thirty minutes later. It is Rufus. Rufus, I just slept with a guy called Rufus. Ah well. I’m loving being liberated.
Unbelievable. My sins sure catch up on me pretty quick. At this rate by the time the world ends, I’d have paid penance for all my misdeeds. I have just swallowed scalding black coffee as I face a picture of Osas and I on the front page of a tabloid. I remember that trip to the US. We were in Idaho to see a childhood friend of mine for Petes sake. Letting down my guard a little, we walked out of the hotel hand in hand, smiling at each other. Neither of us was aware…..well I wasn’t aware of a picture being taken. Apparently, the “mystery lady” has been fingered in Osas’ suicide note. Bullshit, whoever released this photo knows exactly who I am. I look up as Julius walks in with the same tabloid and a cold angry look on his face.
“You’ll regret this.”
It’s been six months, the divorce was messy. Julius performed like a wounded lion, and oh what a performance. People sympathized with him and pointed fingers at me and called me all kinds of unprintable names. Julius’s family fought me, Osa’s family fought me. The press and public fought me. More pictures came out. Henry gave an exclusive interview about Osas and I. Julius won custody of my babies. After my shenanigans with Osa’s was made public, the judge declared me an unfit mother. The nightmares have stopped as suddenly as they started. I guess Osas achieved his aim.
People say I should have waited, he’d have changed. Some said I should have just divorced him rather than cheat. Stupid me, I thought that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I thought I was making the best of a bad situation.
I have been judged and found guilty by you all, especially my fellow women. I have been slandered on blogs and used as an example of a bad woman. Nobody cares that I was just trying to get by with life. Feel free to judge me. Some of you will do what I have done or are doing so right now.
Do I regret it? Apart from losing custody of my kids, not at all. By the way I didn’t just hatch to sex. We must all walk our individual paths of survival if we are to make it through life.
Young guys like me…..a lot.
I look at myself and wonder how I ever thought I am unattractive?
Last year Forbes called him the richest under thirty in all of Africa. I call him baby. He is the majority share holder at Hastag, Julius’ employer’s.