The moment Fechi opened her eyes to the harsh sunlight streaming into her room through the open window, the throbbing in her temples returned, bringing back to her mind the significant incidence of that morning. At once, she felt her spirit descend into a profound hollowness inside her, and she broke into a fresh round of sob. Did Nonso really do this to her? She kept on asking herself, tears flowing from her eyes and soaking the edge of her bed on which her head rested. Not for a moment in her life had she ever thought that someone she whole-heartedly gave her trust and affection to, would repay her with so much grief and disregard. And even if it should eventually happen, it shouldn’t have been the only guy she had ever known who should do that to her. Certainly, not Nonso!
“Oh, Nonso!” she wailed loudly, clutching her pillow with both hands and burying her head inside it as the hurting memory of that morning’s incidence rode through her mind. She had gone to visit Nonso at his place, only to have met a lady there tucked peacefully underneath his blanket. The very blanket she had bought for him on the last valentine. The one inside which he had made love to her until the rubber sheath had broken and then…
Suddenly she stopped crying, and a wry smile crept up the edge of her lips as she shook her head in despair. She knew the reason for the sudden change in his attitude towards her couldn’t be for any other reason than that she had lost her worth in his eyes. And that had begun right after the termination of her pregnancy. At this thought, she grunted. Termination indeed! But that was when all his change in attitude towards her had begun; his refusal to pick her calls at night, his reluctance to see her during the day, the loads of unnecessary excuses. Perhaps, he saw no more need for her. After all she had committed the height of all crimes by terminating a pregnancy, which had proven her rotten.
Her smile grew more cynical at the thought that the pregnancy case had actually been just a plan which she had intentionally put up as a test to prove his love for her. And he had failed woefully at it. Which meant that all his earlier shows of affection towards her had been deceitful.
Stiffening the feeling of disappointment still coursing through her, Fechi wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and got up from the bed. She went to her table and picked up a paper and pen. Since there was no way they could be together anymore after this incident, it was necessary she bared her mind to him. To let him know how much she had loved him, and how he had proven to her that he never really loved for her.
She sat back on the bed, placed the paper on her thighs and with tears dripping from her eyes, began to write.
Presently as I’m putting this down, I’m bleeding inside. Bleeding from the hurt that you, my very heart, have inflicted on me.
It’s true that it hurts when affection isn’t returned by the one it’s being shown. But it’s even more distressing, so much up to the point of death, when that affection is ridiculed in your face.
Of late, your attitude towards me has been really heart-wrenching. But despite that, I’ve remained stuck to you like I no longer have a will of my own, like you are my life. It wasn’t until this morning that I discovered that I was the most foolish lady the world has ever had.
You complain that you no longer have even a moment to spare me, yet yesterday, you had the whole night to spare another lady.
Nonso, you know too well that there’s nothing I’m never willing to do for you, even if it’s leaving you just to let you have your peace, not minding how much it’ll hurt me. Why then did you have to treat me this way? If you wanted me out of your way, you should just have said it.
Knowing you has taught me a lot of things, some of which I would gladly take along with me as I leave. It hurts to finally be leaving since there’s no way we can remain together after this morning’s incident coupled with your recent uncaring attitude towards me. But before we part, I’ll like to let you in on a secret which I know has something to do with your recent callous attitude.
You remember the news I brought to you on that cold Saturday morning, the news that I was pregnant? Well, nothing like that ever happened. It was true that the rubber sheath had broken and I’d complained that I wasn’t safe, but I’d taken contraceptive pills before coming to your place that day. I always do.
Earlier, before we went to see the doctor, I’d let him know that I wasn’t carrying any pregnancy. So, our claim of having removed a pregnancy had all been a planned lie.
I know my worth before you diminished to nothing after the pregnancy termination which never took place. But there’s just one thing I want to point out to you from this; that only a love that encompasses everything, both disgraceful and honorable, is true love.
And I hope you find that in the hands of your new lady.
It’s me, Fechi.
Without taking another look at the letter she had written, Fechi folded it up. She then called the security man in the compound and sent him off to Nonso’s place with the letter.
Several minutes after Nnenna had left his room, Nonso sat at his table looking absently outside his window at a group of boys in his compound playing football. A strange feeling that things weren’t just right crept up inside him as Fechi’s thought dropped into his mind again for the umpteenth time that day, and he got up and walked to the bed, his blood running hot in his vein. That feeling had begun since he walked into the room from the bathroom that morning and perceived Fechi’s scent there. He had asked Nnenna if anyone had been there, and she had responded that she hadn’t seen anyone. He saw his phone which was lying on the bed and remembered that they hadn’t spoken that day. It was unusual of Fechi not to have called him since morning, and not to pick his own calls. The last time her phone rang, it had suddenly been switched off.
Her thought coursed through his mind again, and this time took his seat on his bed and leaned his head backwards to give it more time to linger. Undoubtedly, he knew the reason for his strange feelings that morning. He was getting more emotionally unsettled due to the strain on their relationship. Hard as it may seem, it was true. Fechi was like the air he breathed, and any inconvenience she was going through had its outright effect on him, like poisoned air. Whatever might be his reason for keeping her away from the recent happenings in his life, he wasn’t being fair to her. At least that was obvious to him now with the way he was feeling.
Nonso let out a deep sigh as he dropped his head into his hands and rubbed it fiercely. His intention had never been to upset their smooth relationship. In fact, it was far from it. He was only trying hard to be capable enough to take care of them when the time came…yes, them. Her and his baby. At this thought, he felt excitement well up in him, and his eyes gleamed with it. There was so much he needed to tell her, so much.
Instantly, he picked up his phone and began to punch the buttons. Then at a point he stopped when he reasoned that a text message would never contain what he had to tell her. He would rather write her a long note. Or better still, a letter. The thought of a romantic one crossed his mind and his lips widened into a smile. Good. He would write her a romantic letter, his first ever to her.
He got up and walked back to the table. He picked up a piece of paper and a pen, and with a wide smile still plastered on his face, sat down and began to write.
The source of the throbbing in my chest, the flow in my veins, the twinkle in my eyes. Recently, I just find my mind overly occupied with raucous thoughts of you. Any day you wake to find out that I’ve gone crazy, just know your thoughts caused it to me. Lol!
It’s quite unusual that I haven’t heard from you today. What’s happening? I hope you’re fine?
I know you’ll be surprised to be seeing this. Well, I just had this overwhelming feeling to bare my mind to you in writing since I have a lot to tell you, most especially with regards to our relationship.
Fechi, I can’t pretend not to be aware of the strain in our relationship, and how much you feel hurt about it. I admit it’s my fault, and you have the choice to rave at me over it.
But there’s much more to it than you think. The truth is that I’ve been hiding something very crucial from you which have got a lot to do with this present situation. I’ve been reluctant to tell you about it because I’m not certain how you’ll take it. But finally, I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t hide it forever. I know I will never be able to tell it to you to your face which is why I’m putting it down in writing. But please, however devastating this news might be, I want you to pardon me for my misbehaviour.
You see, after we got to the hospital that day to terminate your pregnancy, I still couldn’t get myself to let you go ahead with the procedure. It was due to your excessive fear and panic when you broke the new to me that I rashly accepted your decision to remove it. But inside me, I knew I wanted the child. So, behind you I pleaded with the doctor not to touch the pregnancy. I told him I wanted it the way I want you. And surprisingly, he accepted.
So right now, our baby still lives. It still grows inside you.
Recently I’ve been working at a night club, which is why I hardly get the chance to see you at night. I want to be able to provide for you and my child when the time comes. You know I spend most of the day at lectures. So any little time I get then, I try to get some rest. I know you understand the fact that this is my final year, and I wouldn’t want to fail.
Fechi, I want you to know that my affection for you still remains. Please, have no doubt about that.
Nnenna my sister was here yesterday. She couldn’t wait to see you before hurrying off this morning to Awka for an interview. She dropped her greeting.
I hope you’ll be happy reading this letter. Hope it won’t take so much of your precious time due to its length.
I hope to see you before the end of today. I miss you so much.
After he dropped his pen, he took another look at what he had written before finally folding it up. He then called two of the young boys in the compound and sent them off to ‘Aunty’ Fechi’s place with the letter.
Nonso had just returned from lectures that afternoon when he saw a white envelope sticking out of the mail box on his door. He drew it out from the box, and felt his heart make silly flutters the moment he found out it was from Fechi. Without taking his eyes off the envelope, he unlocked his door and went in. Perhaps the letter was a response to the one he sent her earlier, he thought as he settled down at his table and with exaggerated carefulness, tore the envelope open. He unfolded the paper inside it and began to read.
As he read, slowly his once bright face became dulled. Then a frown appeared on his fore-head. By the time he was through with reading it, his countenance was a muddle of shock and confusion. Several moments later, he still had his eyes fixed on the paper spread out on the table before him. Caught between conflicting emotions, he placed his head in his hands and plunged into a deep thought.
He didn’t know for how long he had been that way when he got a soft knock on the door. Without asking who it was, he got up and opened it. Standing right before him was Fechi, her brown eyes sunken with remorse.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sent you that letter,” she said apologetically, her full lips moving in that curvy manner that always caused his heart-beat to lose its rhythm. Nonso stepped aside for her to go in, his eyes unintentionally resting on her enormous backside clad in hugging plain black skirt as she strode past him. That heavy backside he had feared would crush his balls the first time she had sat on his thighs. He ignored the thug on his groin and shut the door behind him.
“So, do you think I would actually treat you that bad?” he asked, wearing a frown to hide the wild delight he now felt at seeing her. He wanted to draw her to himself and rub his face against her supple, peanut brown skin well bared by the low-cut neck top she wore. That skin he always told her belonged exclusively to beauty queens. Anyway, to him she was one. At least, his. Slowly, Fechi walked up to him and took his hands. Instantly, the tugging in his groins returned.
“I still wonder how I think I could have left you,” she said, raising her hand and placing it lightly on his chins. Nonso felt a ringing in his ear as blood drained from his head. He didn’t know when he went all cheery. He placed his hand around her small waist and pulled her closer to himself. Fechi felt her bones turn to liquid the moment her breasts brushed against his chest.
“Are you safe this time?” he asked in a mocking whisper, his rapid breath washing over her neck.
“I don’t care anymore.” Fechi replied amidst heavy breathing, laughing.
The next time they were speaking, they were screaming each other’s name in ecstasy.
Eletrika is a rising author and poet. She spends most of her time reading and learning more about the art. She presently lives in Nigeria with her family.