I don talk am! – A sequel to How I wan take talk am?

As I turn face madam, na plenty tings jus enter my head, wetin I wan tell madam? Which kain lie I go take lie wey my punishment go reduce? As I don dey used to this place, e no go too sweet to return go back to the place wey my papa and mama dey stay. I no talk say I no like my papa and mama o, before una turn to dey curse me but I don big pass the place wey dem dey stay and no be mouth. A girl suppose aim for the skies na, abi no be so? As madam wan open mouth shout again na im I jus fall for ground dey roll.

“Mary! What’s this? What’s happening?” The kain fear wey enter my madam voice be wan make me laff but dem no born me well to try am.

 “Jesus tank you, father tank you.” I stop to dey roll come begin dey shake. Na dat moment oga comot from baffroom. All this time e bin dey listen to music for inside the baffroom, so the man no kukuma hear all the wahala wey bin dey go on.

“Holy crap! What’s this?!”

“Well, I came in and saw her naked. She was actually bent waist down in front of…”

“Stop! Stop!! Is this…like a set-up or what?” The fear wey dey my oga voice no be small one.

“Baby, are you even listening to what I am saying. Are you saying that you did not know Mary was in the room? Is it a coincidence that you were in the bathroom and she was ready to leave the room?”

“What in heaven’s name are you talking about? And why have you left her uncovered? Gosh, baby, sometimes you need to take things one step at a time.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you should have ensured that she was covered especially as you saw that I was getting out of the shower and not leave all of her shaking like that.”

“Really all of her, why pretend you haven’t seen it all?”

“Thanks to you, now I have.”

As I see say the ting fit bring kata kata between dem two, na im I sit up. As dem see me, both of dem keep quiet, oga wey no tie towel before quick quick grab one tie, madam jus pull dia bed sheet take cover my body.

“What were you doing here, Mary?” Madam use jeje voice ask me.

 “Oga, madam no vex. Na help I bin dey help una.”

“Help who? By sleeping with my husband? Baby, I thought you said…”

 “Na one prophet ma!” If I no interrupt madam, e fit turn to something else. “The prophet talk say if I no dance naked for every room of the house wey I bin dey stay say the person wey dey hold your belle make you no born pickin go succeed.”

“Why would you believe such crap? Oh Mary, you are so silly! Has it ever occurred to you or your prophet that we might be into family planning?”

Yes, e better make I dey silly. “But madam, the man dream dey come to pass. E bin dream one time say my papa work go finish and the ting happen.”

“Well, hasn’t he had any good dreams like you being crowned Miss Nigeria or winning the ‘who wants to be a millionaire’ show?” My oga fit use style style yab pesin.

 “I no know sir, I no be God.”

“Didn’t you know oga was in the room or didn’t you even hear him come into the house?”

Whenever I dey spirit I no dey hear anyting around me and …”

“Well, needless to say Mary, you nearly caused a catastrophe between my wife and I. Next time…”

“Next time? Baby, seriously I don’t think there will be a next time. I will not be comfortable having her around here anymore.”

“Come on! Where’s the carefree, forgiving woman I married? I think Mary’s problem stems from illiteracy; she should be a challenge to you. Perhaps she needs to start school. A literate mind wouldn’t easily be conned by a fraudulent prophet and let’s not forget that she thought she was doing us a favor.”

Kai, my rep don suffer; shey na me be illiterate? I fit vex now talk de whole truth, if dem like make dem chase me comot but as I think am more, e be like say e go better make I go school sef, at least make I sabi speak engrish small.

“Let’s talk about this later, after she is out of our room and besides I don’t like your defending her. Mary go to your room.” As she see say I bin wan comot the bedsheet…”No, don’t remove that. Just go! Make sure you take it to the laundry later.”

 “Oga tank you, madam tank you. God go bless una, for my life I no go believe dat prophet again. God tank…” Kai, e be like say na next time wen dem don comot na im I go come carry my wrapper wey dey inside wardrobe be dat.

“Mary, just go!”

As I bin dey comot, na im I hear oga ask madam, “So, how did you say she was bent… I mean how did you find her again?” E be like say my oga take style style get small craze, how im go ask madam dat kain question?

Omo men e no concern me sha but na so I bin take escape and na so I bin take start school. Who talk say Warri girl dey carry last?




43 thoughts on “I don talk am! – A sequel to How I wan take talk am?” by enoquin (@enoquin)

  1. Lmao…………. Very funny write-up. Good one

  2. Enoquin o o o o!

    Chop knuckles!

    Well done. But I no go surprise if that oga start to dey eye Mary sha..

    1. @babyada, eye ke?! He has done worse already!

      1. Okay I read the first one, the guy is yet clean…

  3. na wetin make me join NS be dis am glad the long wait for the sequel is out.

    tiri gbosa for you!!!

    1. @Shammy: Really? My head dey swell oh….make I take the gbosa for myself….gbosa! Gbosa!! Gbosa!!!
      @admin: you guys heard why he joined NS? Shouldn’t I get like one million points?

  4. Hilarious….

    Very nice!!!

    1. @teewah: thank you jare….teewah….my head dey swell

    2. @Kaycee: obviously, the laugh no kill you die….who be the NS girls wey dey form? Talk am now if your liver dey your belle….

  5. LWKMD
    So all these NS girls can be this….. After dem go dey form class.

  6. @enoquin,
    This is funny but when put side-by-side with the sequel, it really doesn’t seem that funny anymore. Maybe I expected more, some excitement a la the first part, but really, I find something missing in this. And the story cant possibly pan out this way. No! The Madam no go get time to dey ask stupid stupid questions o. Infact, i am sure, the home would break that night!
    I dont know jare. But I no too feel am. Maybe what you should have done was to write an entirely different plot, using the same characters and environment, if you really wanted to bring the Warri gal back.
    Succumbing to the usual NS ‘pls continue’ thingy really robbed off on this story. It felt kinda.
    My opinion sha.
    Nice job.

    1. BANKOLE MOORE…You took those words right out of my throat.

      Exactly how I felt.

      It’s really good…but compared to the first…no dice. None at all!


      1. @Seun: Oga, thanks for reading….the other one was different…in this one I was trying to extricate Mary from a serious problem…..

    2. @Da Writing Engineer: Hehehehe…..you didn’t feel it? Well, what if I said, I liked this one better? Anyway, thanks for reading….I really appreciate your view

  7. You don talk am na shuo??? @ enoquin well done Jare.U sabi.The code switching wasnt bad.Not bad @ all.U try.

    1. @sambright: thank you sammy….glad you liked it

  8. This pigin goes deep like gin at noon!
    Hard and good.
    Mary that’s bad for real.

    1. @Ostar: shepe at noon, as the weather hot so? My bros, dat one pass me oh…but thank you as you my tori….much appreciation

  9. I liked this, jare. You could take it anywhere from where it ended in the first one (you know, more heat in the room as suggested by @Da Writing Engineer), but this was a logical conclusion. My sister, he be like say you get PHD in Pidgeonology!

    Well done!

    1. @howyoudey: PHD ke? Me wey still dey nursery 1. Anyways bros, I appreciate oh!

  10. Laugh wan kill me….well don jare

    1. @Obi: obviously….the laugh no kill you sha…thank you

  11. I enjoyed your sense of humor and love the way you crafted this…It came out nice…VERY NICE!

    1. @chetachi: Thank you very much jare

  12. Enoquin, the writing medicine…. This is not as funny as the first but it is very good. Looks like what it is, a conclusion.

    Well done jare.

    1. @gooseberry: Hmm…conclusion, really? I can do whatever from now on to the story….but thanks for reading

  13. This is a nice piece. Well written and crafted.

  14. @Enoquin, this was good. No, it didn’t have as much drama and humour as the first part, but it was a tidy resolution to the wahala thrown up in that part with a sweet ending for the MC. And there’s no reason why this can’t be the foundation of a series (like I said before). The pidgin sef flow well well; in fact, I go dash you 10 points.

    1. @Tola: I think sir…I am beginning to see two more stories from this Mary….but come oh…ten points? Haba! Thank you be be

  15. Had to read the 1st part to get d full gist..The story is really funny and this part is a good conclusion..Welldone jare..

    1. @Bubbllinna: thank you ma….but conclusion? I am just getting started!

  16. @tolu: did you really laugh your ass off? Thanks jare

  17. @Eletrika: Thank you ma….But na wa o….you wan make kata kata dat house because of Mary?

  18. Enoquin, I had to let you know how much I now enjoy listening to Omawumi’s songs because of the first write-up :) I did enjoy reading the concluding part and I think you have what it takes to develop this into a series. Well done.

  19. I don laf so te my jaw don dey break…especially as I read the prequel just before I read this.
    That was one good lie Mary told and it paid off well too.
    I love the pidgin and the way the story flowed.
    I hope subsequent parts of this story do better than this or better still, than the first.

  20. wow…i really enjoyed this though by now you should be tired of all the raves you’ve been getting. Good job!

  21. ….this is crazy, warri don suffer, no waffy house helps for me then. Excellent pidgin jare!

    1. @excellency: Ta! wetin do warfi househelps? Mind yaself oh

      1. lol @enoquin, no vex, I bin count two before one, Mary hand clean, but her Oga hand clean pass, she sharp sha…

  22. Wow…wow…i luv ds!

  23. … a good use of pidgin…

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