Sex on the first date: Are we still judged by it?

Sex on the first date: Are we still judged by it?

I’m sure all the ‘Holier than thou peeps’ are about to get their panties in a bunch just from the title alone,

But, nonetheless I’m here to talk about having sex.

And doing it on the first date – I mean doing it hard on the first date.

I’m a 21st century woman, and a lover of sex.

I don’t consider myself an “ashawo” or anything like that but I do believe in sexual freedom, meaning if I want to have sex, I simply do gorgeously.

I don’t need permission or clearance to do so.

I’m sure some people have already called me names from my statement, but whatever.

I was having a discussion with a few friends over drinks (that’s when everyone was honest) and the issue of sex on the first date came up.


Before I go into all that we discussed, let me give a mini story.

A while ago;

One or two years ago, maybe.

I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend via facebook.

A very good looking guy.

After a few messages and chats on fb.

We connected on BB, and chatted up a bit.

Over the next few days.

We talked and got to know each other better, and all that good stuff.

Eventually I agreed to go out on a date with him.

The date was as good as any date I had been on.

He was just as handsome as I expected via his pictures.

His look and body configurations captivated and ensnared my heart.

We talked about a range of topics, and he pretty much impressed me with his intellects, and vast knowledge on a lot of things.

This guy was very well rounded.

After dinner,

we headed to a bar,

had a few drinks,

Then we’re in the club dancing the night away, and I was having a good time of my life.

Slow dancing,

Extra touching,

Eyes fixing,

And, one thing led to another

In a nutshell, we found ourselves at his apartment making out on the couch.


Now at this point, the girl in me is thinking

“Slow Down”

But everything else points to letting things flow.

And let it flow, I did.

We had sex. I mean great sex if I may add.

That was beginning of a 15 months relationship.

We broke up eventually for numerous reasons but we remain friends.

Now, back to the present,

I told my friends of my sex on the first date and how it leads to my last relationship.

To my surprise I was judged by almost everyone.

The guys,

The girls,

And, I’m sure the bottles too.

“How could you?” was their yelling

“That’s ashawo behaviour”

“That’s probably why you guys didn’t last”

“He never respected you.”

You would think I offered to have sex with him for money on the first date.

I personally think that if it feels right, then go ahead with it.

I’ve done the whole “wait for the 3rd date” thing, and guess what?

After that date where we had sex, a few days later he was acting funny.

And a week or 2 later he was history.

I have friends who hold out for months.

Once the guy gets the nookie, he bails.

So really, what’s the big deal with having sex on the first date?

Why place so much emphasis on it?

I’m of the opinion that it’s only an immature and insecure man that’ll hold that against you.

One common statement I get from guys is

“Well if it was that easy for one guy, then maybe it’s easy for everyone.”


Not every guy is able to win me over like that.

One guy might take a few hours, and another might take 6 weeks.

It’s all based on chemistry to me.

Then again I might be wrong…

…I would think we would have gotten over this,

but in 2012 are we (women) still being judged by when we put out?

Guys, what’s your opinion of a girl you have sex with on the first date?

Ladies, would you have sex with a guy on the first date?


67 thoughts on “Sex on the first date: Are we still judged by it?” by greatness4life (@greatness4life)

  1. It depends. You meet some people and in an hour you feel like you”ve known them all your life.
    But as a guy. I don’t like pretense. You know we are going to be doing it eventually, so why put if off. I can always tell who is an easy lay and who is not, first date sex or not.
    What is even this first date? Is it the first day a girl visits you at your home, or the first day she agrees to go out with you?
    But come o, this post was written by a guy abi?
    Mtcheew. And i was even considering sending you my number…
    Stay very far from me, abeg.

    1. You NEVER disappoint.

    2. Oh…such a lovely request…you really want my number…. here you go,,,wait for it..;) I no be a (-).oooooooo…where can we meet? lol.
      Thanks for ur commet..

      1. God forbid!!
        You no dey hear abi? I said stay……. far ……away….

        What is a guy even doing with this kinda post?
        Write about gunshots and rape and violence and cars and hips and football.

        1. Who told I’m a it from the pix…hmmm.. you might be wrong…whatever..

          1. You sound like a guy jare!

            1. Apart from that, I strongly feel that the person responding IS NOT the person who wrote this post.

              Yes, he/she posted it, but he/she did not WRITE it.

              I hope I’m wrong sha.

              1. Wrong.. the writer edited/posted it…

                1. So…what am I saying…and what are you saying?


                  You did not WRITE it. You edited/posted it.

                  What part of that sounds like you wrote it?!?!

                  You sound confused. Or maybe it’s your ‘use of English’ that’s confused…not you. No offense.

                  Bottom line is – you did not write it. Finish.

                  1. Yea.. A girlfriend story..writing, edited and posted by a guy. finish



          2. @Eletrika no just do o…Calm down…lol…We no fit use mouth talk say na laughter do dissection of your body…Well if ur innards comot..pack them put back..

            @greatness..Don’t give kaycee hyper~tension o…He is obviously straighter than a ruler..hehehe..

    3. sex b4 marraige don turn normal thing eh….i jst discovered that my elder sis was conceived outta wedlock……..looking forward to teasing my parents with that.hehehe

    4. @kaycee exactly my point imagine my grave disappointment that it was a guy after all………..hmmmmmmmmmmm

      1. @daprof, don’t be. I have another one coming.. A true life story of a friend who was abused by one notorious guy.. Guys can writes stories about ladies, if ladies are unwilling to talk about such stuffs…you know?! *eye winking*

  2. First of all, let me applaud you on your discourse. I mean, this is ‘controversial’ even if mildly so….and I love controversy.

    Now. Hmm.

    ‘Free thinking’ is interesting…but honestly, in my uneducated, retarded bastard opinion, free thinking as defined by modern man is just an excuse to do that which we know is not right.

    Having said that, let me make it clear that I am not an advocate of sex before marriage. No.
    Have I had sex outside marriage before? Yes. Will I do that again? Most likely.

    But do I think it’s right? N-O.

    That said, I don’t give a damn what you do with yourself. Who cares if you have sex on the first date?! It has absolutely no meaning to me whether you do it on the first date or on the fiftieth one.

    The question I would like to ask whoever; however, is:


    Did you sleep with the guy/girl because you wanted to, or you did because he wanted you to?

    Or did you sleep with him because you didn’t want him to leave like ‘all the other guys’?

    Far as I’m concerned, we do the right things for the wrongest reasons…and vice versa. Why would you/did you do it?! That’s my interest.

    There was this thing that happened to one of my friends back in the university – there was this guy who started asking her out her first week on campus…and she posted him for three years. In her third year she said yes to him, and that same week he shagged the shit out of her and dumped her.

    Now, my question for her was this: why keep him waiting for three years when you were gonna let him have it in three days?! What was the point?!
    I’m sure if she had given it up that first week…he would have bounced and she wouldn’t have been as devastated as she was…when it eventually happened.

    Now if you ask me again, what’s the difference between a girl who gives up on the first date and one who gives it up on the hundredth date, I’ll say ‘MOTIVE’.

    The fact that she didn’t sleep with YOU till marriage does not automatically mean she’s not banging the crap out of other guys on your street; and the fact that she allowed you hit it the first time does not mean…hell, you might actually be her first!

    To each his own. Sorry about my looooooooooooooooooooooooooong response. Hope it’s not boring.

    1. It all depend on Motive? thinking…(*_*).. what of emotional attachment?…I feel it all start from there..before motive can engage the gear of sex… There is this guy I was emotional attached to though i didn’t have motive to have sex with him but whenever I see him; my whole body yarn for him..I can’t really get him out of my system….he has become a cancer in my system yet no motive to have sex with him.. what do you say to that.

      1. What is ‘motive’?


        If you had/have sex with him, what would your reason be?

        If it depends on ’emotional attachment’ as you said, that would be your ‘motive’. Understand now?

        1. Thanks Seun, there is no need to blame emotion… It all board down to her intent motives. Right on spot

    2. @Seun your comment was far from boring..It was ‘seunish’..straight to the point…

      1. @seun, I copy @bubblinna; the response was definitely seunish! hehehehehehe

        1. Una don start be that.

          Which wan be ‘seunish’ again??!?!


  3. Interesting…I was thinking this was a girl’s story…
    Well, first date sex…Nope, thankx. No matter how liberal my head is, it still holds many values…to be true.
    It makes no head to me. I mean, even a psychic wouldn’t know everything necessary about anyone on a meeting that leads to sex. I feel itz thinking with pants and not head.

    on the other hand, would it make me disrespect the one who says itz no biggie? nope. I think in this age, everyone is boss. The thirteen years old having sex claims he/she knows it all and they kinda don’t end any worse than those who start at sixteen…just saying…everyone knows it all!

    Meanwhile, there’s a better and more structured way of writing this discourse. The controversial not withstanding. Imagine it as a post to the media…who would care to read? Restructure and let it be more ‘writerly’

    1. Adorable, if a girl makes it to my house…. sex is inevitable. First date , 20th…same thing.

      1. I trust you……address

        1. Wetin be this na? was i talking to ya?

      2. @kaycee, then you’ll have to rape me.

        1. You make that sound like a bad thing, @babyada

          Been there, done it, read the novel.

          1. CLAP! CLAP!! CLAP!!!

            So, you’re one of those criminals I’ve been looking for? Good. I’ll catch you.

            1. lol.. Thank God you don catch am. Hold am well o!

    2. Would have construct it in a better but felt not necessary as long the message get across without been tainted.
      All the same; thanks for that

  4. @Seun, boring? Abegiiii. I like the response.

    But my dear, why actually asking? It’s obvious you like to do what you feel like doing without giving a crap what anyone thinks. So, if you see a guy on the first day and you wanto go hay-wire, why not? Don’t even discuss it with anyone. It’s your life and you like it that way. I would have given a more valid response if you had told me it was a mistake.

    Hey, go on please as long as you feel that way, huh.

    But @greatness4life, I’m 99.9% sure you didn’t write this. Someone else did. And tell her I said this.

    1. Sure….it was a true story by a friend… just put in some ajasa..

      1. Mtcheeew.

        Get that dame in here. Tell her Kaycee calls.

    2. See what I mean?!?!

      @babyada…no be beans. Me and you are in sync!

      See what I wrote on @kaycee‘s response…BEFORE I read this!

      He definitely did NOT write it!

  5. After going through this, and the reeeaallllyyy loooonnnggg comments!!!~ (lolzz) I must say that I agree with Seun…….. If you’ll give it up eventually, why wait till the 3rd, 4th or 100th date?? Whatever he would have done after the sex, he would still do…. holding out on him is just lame on your part, except you’re a fervent believer in Sex after marriage. Nice one though…. from a…………. GUY!!!!??? O_O

  6. Why that conclusion? Do really want to hear the full gist?….Turn the story to other way wrong may be that can help get an insight to what I posted… But i don’t feel like posting all the details here…

  7. Okay…This post was meant to help a “friend” not to debate who wrote it or not.. Please, Give a convincing comments.
    About the person that wrote it,nobody else than a “GUY” not a “Lady” and its a true life story!!!
    Please, once again, give concrete reason for comments.

    *keyboard stop typing error*

    1. I told you before, she needs help, give her my number.

  8. Hahaha…Talk about saving the best for the last!..I didn’t get my panties in a bunch in fact I laughed it off..

    Everyone has different ideals, see things differently..So if some sista decides to do it on the first e take concern me?..I am not the one getting ‘done’…
    Personally I had rather get to know the person 1st b4 the sex comes in..Sex does have its way of clouding things..I think..

    Hey greatness..U put up a controversial piece…however did admin pass this?…thought things here are supposed to be easy on the minds of 16yr olds?.. Hahaha…Well done..

  9. @greatness4life: Did you say you were given this write-up so you could EDIT it? EDIT? Have you noticed how your sentences are rife with grammatical blunders and wrong spellings…a far cry from the manner of writing in the write-up? Sure you did not steal this? If I was to submit a piece to someone for editing, the person would have to be… Ah forget it. If however you did ‘EDIT’ this, I wonder how good the original piece is.

    1. hnm.. i c..
      Thanks for noticing that.:-)

    2. @dayogbenga: You just spoke for me o. All the while I was trying to reconcile the write-up with its purported writer cum editor. And it did not just follow. I think @admin should take a firm position to prevent this kind of occurence. This is plagiarism na.

      1. @tosyn, This is not copy and paste stuffs!!!!! It was actually a rough work written by my younger brother a while ago but abandoned somewhere….Just did a little digging to get it out..not minding to edit properly, felt it should come out before Val, before some people dig in their “cock” inside the” venomous gates” that may be open wide for their destruction…..

        Don’t conclude yet…..guys can write with the tones of a lady; still in doubt? wait…for the next one written by me..I mean with my own hands but the challenge is “will the admin pass it?”

  10. All said and done!!! My opinions and comments is as follow; I believe sex should come after marriage/in marriage. Whosoever you had/ have sex with directly and indirectly you sharing your life both the good side and ugly (I mean spiritually/mentally). God designed it for marriage pleasure not a cliché. I’m of opinion that a guy you go out with on the first date does not worth sleeping with it. Religiously, its a sinful act to engage in such thing. So, why don’t you wait till marriage? why the rush? Don’t forget, the patient dog eat the fattest bones. There is nothing that cannot wait, even God waited for good 4 thousand years before sending Christ to die for our sins. Please wait, remember aids is real and e no dey show for face.

  11. Sex at first date rarely last long. †ђξ guy looks at †ђξ girl as cheap and worthless and can easily control her and use her anytime he needs her because they already had been spiritually atteached together.

    1. You’re right! A guy can make a girl his sex toy after sex on a first date. But then the discourse goes more complex than that in ranging cases. A guy and a girl can actually get so friendly on the phone in series of months and get so deeply in love, and when they finally meet on that long imagined date they get so drawn to the moment, that when finally left together under closed doors, sealing the long awaited deal with sex, and consummating their love finally comes into play. That is if they get so attracted to each other like they’ve always imagined or far more than they’ve thought.

      It usually begins with a kiss, than goes so intense, a caress and much more… In fact you no say body no be firewood, and sometimes the mind may not be willing, but the body chemistry may be reading different…

      That’s the same reason most guy men always get a condom hidden in their clothing when going for any date at all whether first or not, just in case one thing leads to another which usually happens. Hmm… Abeg no make me think and remember further now that Valentine is close… Happy Valentine everybody!

      1. @Dowell Oba. You are right, you read behind the scenes.
        Like the post said, they’ve been chatting, exchanging emotions on bb, the desire has been nurtured. The first date was the consummation of everything.
        Nonetheless, no matter what, ladies don’t sell yourself so cheap for a worthless fellow neither should you guys give your strength to Delilah. Marriage is worth waiting for. Happy Val.

  12. ”Sex at first date rarely last long”. Lol.. A few minutes and dey’re done with the sex shebi? Rawlingsunday… Meet greatness4life… ‘Edit’ each odaz posts

    1. lol..what do you mean by that?! Who is that person you mentioned?*red eye*

  13. Waitaminit…you’re a dude…and this is a non-fiction?

    ok…thank goodness you eventually admitted that it was not your post but a friend’s.
    Controversial topic…but like I always say…every writer to his own.

    And what @Bubbllinna also said got me thinking too…are below 16 allowed to read this? Is there anyway of shielding sexualy explicit and graphic stories from young readers who may venture on this site?

    (though this one was not graphic…but I’m just wondering)

  14. Personally, sex on day 1is not something I fancy but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it. Anybody can do it no matter how much you argue now that you can never. Its about reaching that situation that prompts you to. In this world, anything can happen. Prostitutes once said ‘God forbid’ to the idea then with time, it became a way of life.

    Now, sex on a first date depends. Not every girl or guy thinks the same. Some guys are open minded enough to know what a girl really is when they talk for some time while others are just myopic and forced to reason that any girl he nails on the first date(or even nails atall) is a whore but then again, she might be or maybe not.

    The truth is just have your principles and stand by them. If you love sex sooo much and you wana screw around, then have fun. If you believe that you need to hold your dignity a lil tighter, good for you but ill never be a judge to someone who doesn’t live like me.

    Afterall, ‘we’ are all guilty of the same sin. FORNICATION. Be it with bf, friend, on 1st date or last date. All join.

    1. Among all those that have commented you are one in a hundred that spoke out the truth….you see all this their blushing it amount to nothing. Some of them has even done it before but in order to cover up their lies(ego), they sneaked in with conscious/tainted comments lest they blow up their covers. Should we get practical??? Nobody will even dare that.
      Thanks jare for such sincere comments.

  15. If the Topic was ehm “sex before marriage:are we still judged by it?” I might have something to say about it. but since its not, whether it be sex on the first date or sex at first sight, its all the same to moi.

    Nice stuff by the way!

    1. @teewah, do you wan me to put another write up on “sex before marriage; are we still judged by it???” cuz I have some that are raw here but it will be too explicit though it’s a true life story..donno if admin will pass it or not.

      With the level of exposures, I can write from the first person’s voice..

      1. lol,if it sails thru admin then there will be lots to comment on.

        1. thinking of a way to convey the next post lest admin flog me by trashing my next post! Can you help?

  16. sex sex sex sex… Too much value is being placed on this sex sef. It’s just a pleasure ridden activity. Sex is just one of the variables in a relationship, it guarantees nothing. It takes more than a sex to keep someone.
    So whether it’s done on the first day or not guarantees nothing for me. If I like you, I like you, if I don’t, I don’t, no matter how good the sex is…
    And this after marriage thing is valid only if the virginity is still intact for both sides, if not, it’s baseless.
    If sex is divine as religion says, it means we should be having sex only when it is needed for the supposed purpose not when we need pleasure, be it before or after marriage…
    Abeg shag anytime and anyhow you want but play it safe.

    1. @ablyguy…Huh? Are you saying there are no pleasure in it? With ur comment above are u implying that once both party are not virgin, they should opt for sex before marriage? Lastly, I think you’ve been there before considering your last statement….right?

  17. Mhen, see comments o…my opinion is that sex on a first date or on a millionth date is simply what it is; sex. Most times, it doesn’t include thinking. Just doing. We think afterwards but most times, not before. I believe if you are old enough to take care of whatever comes outta sex ie babies, std’s and stuff, go ahead. And if not……….PAUSE. Doesn’t mean I’m holier-than-thou though.

  18. We all have different perceptions to things in life. Even if I think Sex on a first date is bad, it shouldn’t stop you from doing otherwise as long as you consider it OK. My humble opinion.

    1. Humble opinion???…is your opinion really humble? or you are the one that’s really humble?!!! *thinking and crossing fingers*…lmaol

  19. Was that the first date if we consider all that had happened? Well that wasn’t the first date for me. And having sex on first date doesn’t mean anything. A relationship that will last would last. And sex on a first doesn’t make a girl cheap. People even have sex virtually before meeting.

    Those who judge her are funny. What they should judge is how often she does it.

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