To A Love That Once Was (for Bukunola)

You were the soft dew

Caressing my body

As I lounge lazily

In the tranquil morning.

 

You were the crisp clear air

That I greedily inhale lungfuls of,

That air that prepares me

For everyday of life’s vicissitudes.

 

You were the fierce energy

Of the midday sun,

You were the drive,

The raw energy that now propels

A once placid person.

 

You were in the rivulets of sweat

Streaming down my sun smitten body

As I get my hustle on

In the hot afternoon.

 

You were in the music of the birds

As they return to roost,

You were the beauty of the evening sun,

A big yellow ball of spent fire

Setting beautifully on the horizon.

 

You were the beauty

Of the gibbous moon,

As it lays its head lovingly

On the knees of night.

 

You were the beauty

Of your brilliant smile,

That smile that beams at me

Through my mind’s eye

As I lie back and reflect

After a long day.

 

So I ponder

When I reach out at nights

And find my side empty,

I wonder why you chose the door

When my side

Is where you ought to be.

 



36 thoughts on “To A Love That Once Was (for Bukunola)” by Lawal Opeyemi Isaac (@easylife2)

  1. “I wonder why you chose the door when my side is where you ought to be” – Great lines. I agree she certainly is missing a lot after all this outstanding metaphors you’ve showered on her. Wonderful poem, Lawal. My first from your artistic hands, and I must confess I’m quite impressed.

    1. Thanks a lot Dowell. From one poet to another, I must confess that your comments really made my lind go ‘mushhhhh’.

      Cheers!!!

  2. When I read the line “I wonder why you chose the door when my side is where you ought to be”, I was like ouch. The subject of unrequited/abandoned love is always interesting. The most beautifully written love poems or stories are usually about that. Well written sir. I love the imagery.

    1. Thanks a loy Ayokunle. It seems that line was the ‘clincher’ for everybody. It baffles the way a piece is understood and appreciated sometimes, because for me, I am still in love with stanza 3.

      Cheers!!!

  3. I thought African romantics have gone the way of dinosaurs. Apparently, I thought wrong! I’d kept an eye for your post cos often times, you express my sentiments with your comments , and you didn’t dissapoint with this. That last line was one grand parting shot. I bet she might just make a U-turn and head straight for the bed where she oughta be…hehehe
    Take note of 2nd line, 2nd stanza, might need some restructuring…“that I greedily inhale lungfuls of”. A bit mouthful to me.
    Also, sun-smitten (hyphenated). And with that I end with that brand signature of yours.

    Well done!!!

    1. Thanks a lot Midas!!! This is really high praise coming from you.And it gives me a kind of high when you say you look out for my posts…..# you don make me feel important well welll#

      Cheers!!!

  4. Beautiful poetry. I love the verse about the moon lying its head on the knees of night. I could’ve done without gibbous, what does that mean? And yeah, Inhale my fill of, would work better than lungfuls.

    Lovely poem all told.

    1. Thanks a lot Myne. It is a great pleasure to have you comment on this post. Una don make my head swell well well.

      Thanks.

  5. Cool. Real good.
    There’s a line that sounded off… “Greedily inhale lungfuls of…”
    Well done.

    1. Thanks a lot Bro. I was beginning to think that you and @ seun did not find this worthy enough to comment on. I’m glad that you find it good. No be small thing o!

      Thanks.

  6. All in all Lawee…

    Well done.

  7. Bro, a million thanks for dropping by.

  8. Mazi Nwonwu (@Fredrick-chiagozie-Nwonwu)

    Lawal, Kudos to you, i really enjoyed this.

    1. Even the great Mazi dropped by to comment on this? I feel so honoured.

      Thanks!!!

  9. “You were the beauty/Of the gibbous moon/As it lays its head lovingly/On the knees of night.” Nice imagery, especially if “gibbous” is deleted. Didn’t know you had poetry in you, nice to know ;-) I would watch my edits; good poetry is carefully edited for tenses, typos, cliches, etc. Always use words in fresh ways, otherwise you are battling the banality of cliches. Always ask yourself: How can I say this in a way someone else will ever remember it? Finally, I love prose-poetry; I don’t much care for traditional poetry because very few can really really master it; and when they do, no one understands them. Keep talking, we are listening ;-)

    – Ikhide [Now back to my regularly scheduled programming #OccupyNigeria]

    1. @Ikhide , are you the same ikhide that contributed to “On Broken Wings”?

  10. Pa Ikhide, I cannot adequately express how happy I am to see your comment on this post.Thanks a bunch for dropping by.And I promise to keep working, sincerely.

    Well done!!!

  11. ayooba (@poeticlicence)

    Great poem!

  12. Thanks for reading Ayooba.

    Cheers!!!

  13. @Midas Haba! Na wa…that is beating us too much. You should go around NS a bit and you would see that the Romantics dey gidigba! Hmm, our love no be only for toasts (wooing) o! We carry am full for verse ma…I dey even nurse one collection of dem poems for side…I just need better – emm emm…to inspire me to refine them publish. Shikena!
    I wonder what my brother, @seun would have to say on this…Sha. Oh, he spoke. Seun, wetin be that? Tok beta jo!
    @Easylife2: I see that you have gotten everybody on NS talking…Well done. They have all showered praises and I wonder what else to say…You gotta be asking though, where are the ladies? Okay, except @Myne…@petunia007 @adaobiokwy come tok o! Alright…Seriously:
    All previous comments refer, greatly.
    My brother, you had to just call… Okay, nice poem here. Really interesting. First thing that got me was the title. You know, like some toast. ‘Here’s a toast to a love that once was’… Cheers or rather, Tears. Just for our NS editing, maybe you might have put the ‘For Bukola’ to come in the body of the work…Maybe…
    In the third line, ‘lounge’ comes in the present continuous form. Maybe you should think of adding a ‘d’ so that it rhymes in tense with the first line where we have ‘were’…Abi?
    Having said that, I think you should watch out for the tense mixtures. They tend to be spoilers. I would suggest you either adopt the past perfect ‘were’ should be the case in a poem referring to something that was. That would mean changing the succeeding lines of each stanza to adapt to this pattern. Thus, ‘That I greedily inhale lungfuls of’ would become ‘inhaled’…But is there really a need for ‘greedily’…? Maybe, ‘You were the crisp clear (maybe you take one and leave the other) air/I inhaled’… Well, many have said stuff on the lungfuls so I guess no more is needed.
    Like I mentioned, if you decide to take my suggestions, you just might have to do much changing… But I really do think the tense thing would work…
    Again, I think that the continuous ‘were’ doesn’t really help the poem. IT gives it a lull. It doesn’t exactly show creativity that much – just my thoughts. IF there it is a way it can be manipulated for effect, that would be great. Do consider.
    Over all, I love the poem and your imagery. Kai, Bukola, why now? Hmm, and she had to take the door… Everybody loves those lines but I think I have a problem with it. I would have allowed that go but we are talking about you here. With the handling of imagery in previous stanzas, simply saying ‘I wonder why you chose the door…’ doesn’t really catch it… In essence, the end needs some reworking particularly the last three lines. Again, consider deleting the first and third line of the last stanza. I think it flows better that way… Okay, permit me to offer a suggestion of something which you can turn and make better: ‘I reach out at nights./To find my side empty/I wonder why you chose the door/When ‘beside me’ (or if we want to be naughty, ‘my bed’ *wink or even ‘here’)/is where you ought to be.’
    Good one Sir!
    @Ikhide said it first but maybe we should change it small: Keep writing, we are reading. Best wishes, S’

    1. Su’eddie, how can i thank you enough for this insightful critique you have give. You do well no be small. I’ll work on it and send you the editied version.You go give me your mail add be that. Thanks a bunch.

      Cheers!!!

      1. The Facebook comment refers…:) Would do so. Tears…Sorry, ‘Cheers’

  14. Never knew U had poetry in U… Nice…nice…

    1. @ Raymond: Thanks a lot Bro.Didn’t even know you came around to comment on this till now.

      Cheers!!!

  15. Whao, whao, whao!!!
    My chairman sir! This is good. But what happened to Bukunola na? If she still dey, abeg give all NSers her email and phone umber make we arrange am joor! hehehehehe
    Nice piece.

  16. @ Banky: You flatter me so my brother.abeg forget Bukunola.She’s now like an unused artefact in the annals of history. In fact I got into a lotta trouble when the present Madam saw this link on Facebook.You sabi women palaver naa….

    Thanks for stopping by to read. a brother appreciates.

    Cheers!!!

  17. Thanks for coming aroung gooseberry.

    Cheers!!!

  18. Na wa o!! Hmm, hard luck on the new Madam…
    I can imagine why the new Madam was angered…She noticed the coded warning:
    ‘If you mess up, na so you ma go end – In another poem’
    :)

  19. @ sueddie: You got me laughing hard with this comment. Didn’t evn look at it from that perspective. But the palaver no be small o Su’. It even went as far as a post on FB saying ‘It’s funny how the people you think love you are so insensitive’. Note the word ‘think’……..lol
    Anyways thanks for dropping by again.

    Cheers!!! .

  20. @Easylife2, you no say I go ever dey your side…
    Hee hee hee…I can only imagine…Remember Shakespeare’s quote on ‘Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned?’
    Dey careful o…;)

  21. She definitely was your everything…if I may summarise it. You saw so much in her that the metaphors are endless.
    Hmm…I hope she’s seen this piece. Its amazing how a woman can affacet a man – either positively or negatively. You captured it nicely in this piece such that it made it easy to summarise it.

    I like it

    1. @ Afronuts: You are so spot on! You know how these things are now. Thank God for the power to move on.

      I’m glad you stopped by to read. How far with that thieving blokos story now?

      Well done!!!

  22. The great Mr. Lawal! This was a lovely poem man, well done! Very nice emotion. And I liked a lot of your phrasing and your imagery, but a little grouse I have with this is you kept mixing up tenses in some places. Like;
    “You were the soft dew/Caressing my body/As I lounge lazily…” shouldn’t that be ‘lounged’ cos u used past tense ‘were’. And you continued it: “You were the crisp clear air/That I greedily inhale lungfuls of…” “You were the drive/The raw energy that now propels…” [inhales/inhaled] [that now propels/that propelled] etc

    Don’t know if it was deliberate tho, maybe u were experimenting or something but me I didn’t like those bits. Still, I love this poem. Very nice work. And the line about choosing the door instead of the bed is a beautiful ending. Great Job!!!

    And btw, just to be contrary but also actually and seriously, I liked that gibbous moon line.

    1. Thanks for stopping by @ Guywriterer.

      Sueddie has already pointer out a lot of those issues and I have put them in mind.

      Cheers!!!

  23. @easylife2
    captivating lines here…………….

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