‘Oh No, I’ve Run Mad Again’ – The Twist.

Even I have once chuckled at the idea of sitting on a couch and talking to a psychologist. We aren’t that kind of people, we are strong and if we fall we get right back up. Psssh, depression? Counselling? It’s for Westerners that have no spine and too much money!
Even I have once chuckled at the idea.

The Twist

She bought the rope on Monday.
After a weekend of loneliness, she went out and bought the rope.
She had never assumed herself to ever be as tired of life as to want to take hers but everyday she spent alive these past months have been worse than death.
Antonia counted the money and handed it to the attendant. She bought the pills on Tuesday.
As a kid she had played with dolls, brushed their pretty little heads and even learnt to make pretty little braids.
As she grew, she read books and learnt everything there was to know about children.
It was as though it was her life’s worth to be a mother.
Of course her friends laughed at her. All through University all she read and talked about were children.
“Wa bimo lemo!” Her granny had prayed on her 24th birthday.
Blessing her with the prayer for twins.
Every morning, Antonia sang the prayer song.
Every morning till her period didn’t come.
Till the monthly blood flow was replaced by cramps.
So she went to the hospital and was told that her womb had an infection.
How could her womb have an infection? She had done nothing with it!
“These things happen.” the doctor said.
“Is there something I can take for it?”
“I’m sorry but at this rate, to save your life, we must take out your womb.”
To save my life?
Antonia died in the doctor’s seat that day.
Did he not realize that the children her womb was to bear was her life?
But he insisted, her mother insisted, even her fiancé .
In order to save her life, she lay on the bed and allowed the doctor, take her life.
Everything from then on became shades of appalling gray.
“Antonia, it’s not the end of the world you know. You could always adopt kids.”
It was an idea, a really good idea.
She decided that she’d bring it up when her fiancé came to visit.
He didn’t.
She was in the hospital for two weeks and not once did he come.
So she went to his house, upset, yet worried that something had happened to him.
And there he was, with another.
“She’s a woman, you’re not.” He was his sole explaination.
“You’re not!” Like ripples on water, like the fanning out of alarms, those words, reached into her already dead self and killed her, again.
She wasn’t ill anymore, not physically at least.
Not in the places that eyes could see and hands massage out. Pain that no pill had yet been created for shot through her.
Antonia went home to find peace, but broken hearted, she was of no use to anyone.
She couldn’t laugh and tickle her siblings as she used to.
She didn’t want to eat, drink or go out.
“Is she still in her room?”She’d over heard someone say.
“Why is she acting like a baby? Is she the only one that something like this would happen to?”
“All that rubbish of just crying and crying. If it was left to me, I’ll give her a good slap!” They’d said.
She was no longer a woman. She no longer had any usefulness.
Her fiancé who she thought would love her through fire and hail, who knew her more than any other, who supposedly loved her, couldn’t anymore because she’s become a figurine.
“She looked like a woman sounded like one, but really wasn’t.”
“Who would want her now?” They all whispered it when they thought she was asleep.
So she took the rope in her hands and twisted it round her neck.
She stood on the chair and began to weep.
Then from the living room she heard a voice say, “Is that silly girl still crying? This is rubbish! If she doesn’t stop, I’ll kick her out and send her to the village. She can go wallow there in self pity!”
Antonia shut her eyes and imagined what her children would have looked like as she gently nudged the chair out of place.

-Not trying to be a downer, I assure you these two are the saddest of the series! Thanks for stopping by!



27 thoughts on “‘Oh No, I’ve Run Mad Again’ – The Twist.” by Mobola (@mobola)

  1. hmmm…..Okay, I like this, I read through it in one rush. However, many of your characters were faceless, even very important ones, hence, the emotions in this piece were not properly conveyed.

    1. Thanks for your comment! :)

  2. @ mobola i felt the depression in your character-anthonia-A very sad end indeed.I like d aloof nature of the xters who spoke when they thought she was asleep.It is a deliberate effort on ur part to tell the reader of the individuality and abandonment’ of d main xter.Short stories are nt meant to be a marathon race,but an 100 metre dash.thanks for writing.well done

    1. Thanks so much Sambright, I appreciate the comment!

  3. …. read it with relish but at the point when I was longing for more, it ended… well-tried…keep on….

    1. Thanks so much! I could continue the story if you’d like me too!

  4. Ouch…I have to do this…right? (Closing my eyes…Okay. Mobola, just for your sake, I wouldn’t take a fee but in the future…:) Do mention the reply if you would @Sueddie)

    In addition to everything already said: I enjoyed the piece. The short and crisp sentences seems to have put you in check and caused the ease with which each line flows. The fluidity was lovely. You communicated your message well. It read like verse in several points. The use of children as a constant image was also great and a tool that aided in giving your tale some connection to glue its various parts…Thus, the ‘Children’ acted as the glue to hold onto the various pieces that hold the shell of your story :)
    However, there were some tense misplacements that I think you should look at once more. Some errors also came up. Not to bore you, I would only bring one up at the moment:
    “She’s a woman, you’re not.” He was his sole explaination.
    Guess you meant ‘Was his sole explanation.’ (i.e. the first ‘He’ should go)
    There also seems to be something wrong with this statement: ‘She had never assumed herself to ever be as tired of life as to want to take hers but everyday she spent alive these past months have been worse than death.’ Thinking that you might want to look at it again in terms of both sentence, tense and structure.
    ‘Antonia went home to find peace, but broken hearted, she was of no use to anyone.’ I would suggest an adjustment to this line too. It sings better to my mind’s ear as ‘Antonia went home to find peace, but found a broken heart. She was of no use to anyone.’
    Then, at the preface (great style, I only just started experimenting with something like that in my poetry and prose), do you think the line ‘Even I have once chuckled…’ is appropriate? Maybe ‘Even I, once chuckled…’ or something like that might have worked. Maybe…
    Let me ask a question: Do you think the last line connects? That is ‘Antonia shut her eyes and imagined what her children would have looked like as she gently nudged the chair out of place.’
    I am wondering ‘What made her close her eyes?’ Was it the prior statement of sending whoever spoke sending her to the village? Can you try making the statement before her shutting her eyes to be something connected to children – either remotely or directly. It would lay the perfect door for your ‘Shutting eyes’ statement to come in and a beautiful end as laid out by you.
    I really think there is no need for the very last line of apology. It’s being there rather than explain anything served to be a downer. I don’t think you ought to apologise to anyone for the sadness or whatever mood your truth conveys. Your job as a writer is fulfilled in the writing. Every reader has the marvellous choice of not reading your work but if they decide to have the privilege of reading your piece, then you owe them no apology for whatever they read!
    That said, is this a series? Do send links to the other ones, if you would.
    Well Mobola, well. Bravo, bravo.

    1. Thanks so much for the comment, loves it and agree with the edits! Thanks for your fine eye, I’ll remember you when I’m looking for an editor for my next novel!

  5. Nice story. Could be better with some careful editing.

  6. I think I’ve said somewhere how touching this series is. I look forward to the rest.

    @sueddie, that’s such an in-depth copy editing work. I’ve learnt from it as well.

    1. I appreciate your comment Myne, it means a lot to get a good comment from you!

  7. Mazi Nwonwu (@Fredrick-chiagozie-Nwonwu)

    Hmmmm

    1. Fred, please what does Hmmm, mean? Thumbs up/down, undecided?!

  8. @Myne, thanks very much. I would have to go search for the other ones. I really loved the piece. Mobola is good.

  9. Seamless narrative. You sucked me in right from the begining and left me panting for more. Good one. Never stop writing!

    1. Thanks Midas! I promise you that I’ll never stop writing!

  10. Now this is how to write a piece with so much emotion. The writing was crisp and you got me immersed in the narrative as I raced to the end.

    Well done!!!

    @ Sueddie: Na wah o.NS suppose dey pay you o for this in depth editing that you do on the site now.

    1. ehem…Lawal, @easylife2 – whisper it to @admin ;) Well, pleasure. @mobola: Hmm, no wahala as long as you read the first line to my first post and memorise it…:) Now, the payment is easier – donate all your NS points! Hee hee hee.
      Kai, I can’t stop laughing and I don’t know why…
      Sha, :( Seriously.

  11. Thank you so much Lawal, I appreciate the comment!

  12. Sad story but with a warning attached to it. It presents the possibile outcome of the rejection childless or barren women face in real life. Rather than being pushed away, they need to be embraced and comforted for all the pain they go through. Sad…but with a lesson for people to think about.

    Its like a story you could put in for a women’s rights competition.

    Touching.

  13. This is astounding. I usually hate tragedies, but this was ok, because you didn’t try to make it ‘true-life’.
    It also read line a long poem.
    You sabi!

  14. Very sad story, @mobola, especially the last third of the story, where she was on the verge on committing suicide, and still she continued to hear unsympathetic statements from those who should have been comforting her.

    We should be careful of what we say; we never know what effect it will have on others.

  15. Nice. Ur style was crisp and short. U used brevity of language to good effect here.

  16. This is beautiful….
    However i must say that the reason for the removal of her womb isnt realistic….it hs to be a very serious infection usu following septic abortion and wld hv her dangerously sick…but dt wasnt wat u portrayed here..

    @sueddie if only u cld do this for every story posted on NS….or on mine(i really need it)

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