Love Jazz

Jay scratched his crotch and sniffed as he held up a pair of old binoculars and peered through them. He was standing at the window of his two-roomed apartment which consisted of a bedroom and sitting room. The bedroom was made up of a single iron bunk with a naked mattress that had been torn in places – courtesy the need to improvise a sponge to wash his plates and cutlery after feeding off Iya sikira’s cheap meals.

The sitting room was just two rickety bamboo chairs and an old table. In one corner sat a double CD/cassette stereo player that had seen better days but was still braving the odds of the harsh times by remaining functional. The only thing that convinced anyone that it wasn’t just a piece of scrap decorating the room was the fact that it could still blare out radio stations from its bass-equipped speakers and play a few CDs before scratching and rendering them useless.

The floor had linoleum carpet which covered only three-quarters of the room. He could only afford that length. The tight-fisted Ibo carpet dealer had refused to add ‘jara’ to the carpet while measuring it. It’s no wonder that he liked buying from the Hausas; they always added the extra that made a lot of sense.

He primed the focus of the binoculars until he had a window from the neighboring building in sharp focus. He smiled as she came into view. She was pulling off her gown in preparation to take a bath. He followed her with the binoculars as she moved about the room, her hands fiddling judiciously with the bra-strap.

Jay licked his lips in anticipation. This ‘bird-watching’ had never been an obsession until he met Abbie. She had just moved in next door and was a beauty that he found extraordinarily hard to resist.

She had been helping her elder brother move things into the house in her hip-tight jeans and silky pink sleeveless blouse when they came across each other. He was on his way out on a job hunt. She had smiled, murmured a greeting and even given him a handshake on realizing that he was a neighbor next door. He had felt that twinkling feeling of euphoria and stupidly jumped to the conclusion that she might like him; that she might be giving the infamous ‘green light’ which the boys often spoke about whenever they gathered to discuss nothing meaningful except girls. It was presumably the unofficial mating call. He was convinced he had just gotten one – all because she had smiled, greeted and shaken his hand.

That was the beginning of this obsession; one that had led to him being possessed by the spirit of voyeurism.

He watched gingerly as Abbie gently eased off the bra and flung it on her bed. He began to pray that she would turn around as she was backing his view, so he would be able to ogle at her trophies. Unfortunately for him, she bent forward, picked a towel from a chair in front of her and wrapped it round her body. She then proceeded to slip out of her panties.

Jay cursed and beat his head in disappointment.

Pervert!

He heard that silent voice in his head accuse him flatly; the voice of his conscience that loved to rear its ugly head whenever he seemed to be getting out of line and in total denial with some truth.

Sharrap! This is what guys normally do! He spoke back to it, every inch of his flesh struggling to be vindicated.

Ha! You call this normal?

Yes! Fred does it, Seun too.

And they are both perverts too. Oh…and don’t birds of the same feather flock together?

Shattap!

Face it. You’re a Pervert!

No I’m not! I’m…in love.

Love? You call having an erection at the sight of a chick you hardly know love?

Jay looked down at his trousers and saw the nasty bulge of his thickened member. Somehow, he hadn’t acknowledged that to himself.

See? The silent voice taunted him.

Will you shut the hell up?

P-e-r-v-e-r-t!

He cursed, flung the binoculars on one of the chairs and grabbed a half drunk bottle of beer still sweating  from refrigeration. He gulped it down hoping to drown the nuisance that haunted and taunted his thoughts.

***************************

Heavy clouds that denied the sun its ultimate shine greeted the following Saturday morning.

Jay locked his door and headed out of the building. He cast a glance at Abbie’s compound and espied her hanging some of her washed clothes in the backyard. He shuddered lustfully when she stretched out one of her panties on the line and clipped it; dirty imagination ran amok through his head.

Face front you pervert. The silent accusation sliced through his consciousness.

He closed his eyes with an angry grunt.

I was just admiring her!

By having a crush on her underwear? Duh!

But…but that was in my line of sight.

Yeah…that’s why you had an adrenaline rush. You’re under a spell!

Jay ignored the mental retort and changed his focus back to Abbie.

He wanted to know her; what made her tick, what made her melt, what could ignite the same kind of desire in her; he wanted to get inside her head and study the calculated tickings of the clockwork of her desires and know the right buttons to touch to make her totally his, but he couldn’t.

Talking to her was a problem.

He always lost composure whenever she surfaced. It was like she carried a spell that always shredded his confidence and struck him with dumbness.

Jay was desperate; he felt like the one the ancient Elizabethan English poets talked endlessly about in their flowery poetics; the one whose love remained unrequited by a fair damsel. And talking of poetry, he spent days of lost opportunity scribbling lovelorn epistles filled with varying subject matters all surrounding Abbie in his hardcover notebook of labored musings and creatively constructed rants.

Today he was going to sort himself out. A friend had given him a diabolic idea and info that would hopefully remedy his passionate predicament. He checked his pockets and fished out the torn out page of a notepad where he had scribbled an address, directions and descriptions. He folded it carefully and placed it in the breast pocket of his denim jacket. This was one piece of information that mattered more than anything to him at the moment.

 

To be continued… 

 



50 thoughts on “Love Jazz” by Afronuts (@Afronuts)

  1. Beautiful piece….waiting to read the other part

  2. Afronuts.Well done!
    Just want to know. Is it supposed to read ”what makes her ‘tick’ or ”what makes her ‘thick”-

    1. Thanks. Actually its ‘what makes her tick’ – remember the referenceto her ‘clockwork’

      1. Alright,I see…

  3. Wow! After the boring christmas stories, this is refreshing.

    Hehehehe, @jaywriter, and @seun, your names were probably coincidental…..but
    Hehehehehehehehe

    1. Imagine that.

      Why me and not you?

      1. lol…and why don’t you see it as a coincidence?

        1. Because it’s not….?

    2. Really? Thanks. I knew it would take you guys to know how good the story is. I wasn’t too sure if it was good enuff.

  4. Afronuts, I like your piece,hope you continue soon so we can know what became of jay’z jazzed love

    1. Yeah I’ll be loading next part soon.

  5. @Kaycee thanks for mentioning me in this post. Had to read it somehow.

    This is the kinda stuff I love to read. Maybe the guy is really in love oh.

    I love how you painted the character. Also love how your description is going.

    I just wish she had turned and showed him the trophy shah. Also wish he had been a big boy as well.

    Waiting for the next part.

    Won’t be surprised if this was inspired by our ‘foroom’, hehehehehehehe.

    1. Thanks Jay…what a coincidence you bear the same name.

      I know you would have wanted to see the trophy…I guess I’m not a generous storyteller in that aspect.

      lol…did you mentioned ‘foroom’?

      Wow…no comment!

  6. @Afronuts where have you been? Hope you came back with @abby as well?

    1. I’ve been busy as heck but I’m a bit settled now. Abby? I should be asking you about her..

      1. @Afronuts, been a looooooooonnnnng while.
        Trust life’s treating you good.
        Lovely tale as well.

  7. Afronuts. This is super keewwwwl. No dull moment @ all. I like,I like,I love.

    1. Thankee! I try sha…no be small ting

  8. I kind of find your character building lacking. Who is Jay? Just a voyeur? No job, no education, and we’re supposed to believe he knows about Elizabethan poets? How did he get a binoculars? Does he even need it? The way houses are built in the slums of Nigeria which I think you’re describing, compounds can be mere arms-length apart. In that case, next door neighbour means Face me I face you.

    Also, does having a talking conscience meant to suggest he is/was a Christian?

    This doesn’t really flow for me I’m afraid.

    1. Okay…I’ll agree I didnt build the Jay character well. I guess I got carried away.As for the Binoculars, why is that an issue? You can get those things in Naija now but I can understand the need to know how it came about…and as for the way slum houses are built, if you’ve been to Ebutte Metta in Lagos, you’ll undertsand the nature of the houses Jay and Abby lived in (maybe I should have put in the location for the understanding – my bad!).

      As for the talking conscience suggesting anything – that is left for the reader’s imagination.

      But I see your point and its clearly understood. Thanks for the observation.

    2. @myne, I really think the story is fantastic. I understand the angle you are coming from but one doesn’t need to be a christian to have a conscience.

      Concerning the binoculars stuff, anybody can have a set of binoculars. Its just like having a hockey stick, or an uncommon painting. It could be a gift, inherited or whatever.

      Concerning the character buildup, I think its going on well. He just succeeded in adding suspence. Let’s just be patient and see how it turns out.

      1. @Gooseberry…Now I’m begining to wonder…you sound like you know and understand the story more than me!

  9. @Afronuts, welcome back. As usual, it’s well written; I liked the idea behind the story, especially with the conflict between the MC and his conscience. I’m interested to know what happens next.

    I do agree with @Myne on the binoculars thing – I don’t know that many Nigerians would be able to get their hands on this. More likely, he would get close to her window and try to peer through when he thinks nobody is looking.

    1. Thanks Tola.

      I agree with you on the Binoculars thing. I guess I got carried away with the fact that I was able to get one recently.

      I’ll be posting the next one soon.

      1. You have a set of binoculars, @Afronuts?

        Should I ask why you bought it? :)

        1. Haa! Tola…Its not what you think oh! lol!…I got it as a gift!

  10. Interesting.

    What happened to/with the blochus blockers?!

    1. lol…you still remembered that one? I still have that. Just felt since I had been away on some hiatus I should start with a fresh story and not continue one people would have forgotten.

      1. ‘Forgotten’ is a relative term. I hope you know that.

  11. You went away for a very long time, then came back to tickle our fancy? Okay o. very well written, as usual, and me i don’t have issues with the binoculars thingy.

    Abeg post the next part sharp sharp o!

    Well done!!!

    1. Na so I see am oh. Thanks bro. I no go waste time with the next post, I promise!

  12. @Seun @Jaywriter : @Kaycee said it is coincidence…hmm, I dey fear o! Thank Aondo that some of our names can’t have that mistake :)…
    @Afronuts, nice story…was really straight ( hee hee hee) without taking your eyes off the focus. To be honest, I didn’t feel it as really being Naijarian. Felt like it was something foreign from say maybe some American neighbourhood or something. @Myne made some vital points there. Yeah, I agree too that the guy (Jay) just would have done the window thing in typical Naija style (your getting the binoculars not withstanding)! Maybe you consider that if you ever decide to retouch this? But again, well, guess Ebute Meta is different…
    Yeah, you’ve been missing and with all the cosy welcomes you are eliciting, are you sure I wouldn’t disappear too? :) Where have you been all this while? Reminds me of my brother @Myles. I just might be joining the absent train with more work and all – oops, that was meant to be private o!
    Well, let me add @Raymond to this so he comes see this post.
    You have done a good job here, really great job. With the promises you have given, I guess it would take only a little while before we see the next part.
    Nno : Barka da zuwa: M sugh u da vaan:

    1. lol…True that! Your name can never be a coincidence if it shows up. As for the issue on the thing being Naija style, I guess you may have to check out the 2nd part to give a final judgement on that. Thanks for the compliment and observations.Points taken.

      1. Okay…then…By the way, lovely picture @afronuts… Guess you look this cute ;)
        Hola!

        1. Cute ke? Bros I handsome…cute na for chicks oh! lol…

  13. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Jay…. Hehehehehehehe….. But @Seun? Chei!

    in other news…

    Chai! This food sweet nor be small! Ya tori sweet well well. U wrote this beautifully. Mhmhm, yes U did.

    1. You’re lucky I didn’t substitute the ‘J’ for ‘R’. That would have sounded like it was you.

      Thanks…you sef you too like good thing. Not to talk of all the heavy stuff you don drop past!

  14. Afronuts, I’m officially a fan. Dang, you write well. Your prose is tight and reeks with humor. I really don’t have much issue with this piece. The actions of the protagonist tells me all I need to know about him – he’s a typical teenager, or man. They think about sex – ALL THE TIME.

    Let me go check out part two…

    1. Thanks @howyoudey. I guess you’re right about the guy that I didn’t let you get to know him well. My bad…

  15. Hahahaha! I once had a pair of binoculars and I used it just like you did in my estate.

    Nice and beautiful story. Well written and has a nice build-up.

    Now lemme move over to the part 2. :)

    1. Are you sure you’re not the inspiration for the story sef?

  16. I like the story for the plot. But then, I think you should look at these:

    “The only thing that convinced anyone that it wasn’t just a piece of scrap decorating the room was the fact that it could still blare out radio stations from its bass-equipped speakers and play a few CDs before scratching and rendering them useless.” Too long.

    “He wanted to know her; what made her tick, what made her melt, what could ignite the same kind of desire in her; he wanted to get inside her head and study the calculated tickings of the clockwork of her desires and know the right buttons to touch to make her totally his, but he couldn’t.” Ah! This sentence should have at least two full stops.

    “And talking of poetry, he spent days of lost opportunity scribbling lovelorn epistles filled with varying subject matters all surrounding Abbie in his hardcover notebook of labored musings and creatively constructed rants.” This sentence could be better crafted.

    Off to the second part!

    1. Hmm! Engineer…keep re-engineering the work o!
      Thanks for the pointers.

  17. Hmm, Oga, Mr @Afronuts, wahala dey oh. The girl’s name is Abb(ie)y, the guy is Jay, he has friends called Seun and Fred….hmm.. very very VERY suspicious… Anyhow, I liked this. Could definitely happen in Naija though it reminded me of the Hollywood Shia LeBoeuf movie Disturbia. But I had no problem with the binoculars issue, those aren’t as hard to get as many ppl here seem to think, lots of ppl I know have binoculars though I don’t have any myself. There is just that very strong association between binoculars and voyeurism… Great story, definitely held my attention throughout. Kudos.

    1. As in…you have no idea how SUSPECT that ish is!!!!

      1. Bros…no put me for tight corner oh…coincidence like dis no possible?

    2. You this guy don put igbo for my pocket oh! This one wey you dey do FBI investigation over the tory sef. Na coincidence nah!

      1. Dude, it can’t fit to be coincidental at all fa.

  18. well-rendered

Leave a Reply