If I never come home

its not a wrong thought
this life is all i ve got
you know me,now am grown
here me out,if i neva come home

in sin i was conceived
Imperfect are the lesson i ve received
growing up is hard
i look at my life and say: i m bad

i was named Bright
much to my parents’ delight
didnt know wat’s in ur plan
now am not a perfect man

my sins are outweighing the scale
cant count how many times you i fail
yes lord i hate this life
yet each day i survive

you protect this worthless me
will i soon be free
my sins are ever in my face
lord save me by ur warm embrace

the gates of hell constantly calling
in my dreams,in it am falling
am i destined for its gates
is my strive for heaven all a waste

my friends love my life
they admire my desire and drive
six feet; i ll be celebrated and missed
My life,only to you,would have pissed

i ll always remember you
and how i almost made it through
in flames and anguish my soul will roam
if i never,never come home

hear me as i lay,rid me of sorrow
live tonight,not guaranteed tomorrow
watch over me,and all i ve known
remember me,if i never come home



24 thoughts on “If I never come home” by Bright Benson (@brytandre)

  1. Is the character contemplating suicide?
    And why would he not go home?

    The poem is beautiful. Would have been even more so if the punctuation had been better.
    Its always better to start poetic lines with a capital character, except if it’s a style.
    Lol
    And put a space after every punctuation.
    Also avoid writing in sms mode.

    Make sure you go home.

    1. uhmmm…I will laff. Hahaha.
      U re on point….plus I wondered if this issue with the punctuation was because the bro wrote this using a phone, over to you bright.
      And…I will sure remember u if u do not come home. Say, where do u live???

    2. My thoughts exactly.l

      1. hahahahahah:
        @kaycee is always ‘crazy’

  2. @kaycee….oops! I did it again,maybe i ll visit the cafe often.can i adopt u as my teacher,i love you correction..not sentimental and rigidly true.i ll improve please.thanks

    lol

    i ll go home..but what if am not destined to?

  3. well i think everybody is destined to go home, sooner or later. nice poem, except some of the errors that kaycee observed.

  4. I like it. I connect with the message most of all…it’s something that left me nodding my head and considering.

    All errors noted…I think you did a good job.

  5. @bright..
    You’ll get home Bright.
    To heaven, it’s ur right.
    Serve Him with all ur might
    someday U’ll b homebound in rapturous flight..

    The poem is simple and conveys the thoughts of someone who hopes to get somewhere but doesn’t know if he is worthy..
    Rewrite with the corrections given and U ‘ll have a wonderful poem.

  6. Stanzas 1 line 4 “here’ me not….”
    Stanzas 4 line 2 “can’t count how many times ‘you’ ‘I’ fail”
    Try and use plural when necessary; lesson(s), desire(s), drive(s),…..

    Insightful.

  7. The poem is really great! The poet’s sober contemplation on making Heaven is rightly felt in every line. But like Kaycee noted, you’ll need to quit writing in sms mode and capitalize your personal pronoun “I” and initial letters preceding each line, because each line in poetry is read as an independent unit except if it’s an adopted style.

  8. I enjoyed this, noting @kaycee and @seun-odukoya‘s thoughts. Truly, we do need to have some adjustments.
    Concerning style, I mentioned somewhere that the small ‘i’ can be used for effect. Several poets have used it when writing verse that relates to their littleness in a big world or in deference to a mightier Aondo (God). Thus, you can adopt the small ‘i’ in such situations as these.
    Of course, you must note the sms style adopted…at some point, I said ‘Ha…na which one be dis.’…Your words ring true and truly make lots of sense. The image of ‘heaven’ as home played on by you is just something that brings the message home. At the end of everyday, every time, we strive hoping we make home.

    @sibbylwhyte nice one…In your spirit, I write this hoping it doesn’t bring jeers:

    And all the while, as the poem played, I felt my tears
    Even as Jim Reeves played in my ears
    I connected deeply with your fears
    Is eternity going to be worth all the years?

  9. @sueddie…nice picture you painted..
    Please say you didn’t actually cry..hehe..

    1. If I was white, I for blush…hee hee hee…I am tempted to write some more rhymes in answer…but…Hmm, cry? That is one treasure I really admire in people…the gift of tears. I know it is a cleanser of the soul but it doesn’t come easy for me. ..
      Sha…

  10. @sueddie..if to say U be girl(did i jst get a God 4bid!)..U woulda applied blush then..
    Most males pretend dey don’t shed tears but we know!..let that girl leave dey would punch holes in the wall and the tears flowing would be in their hearts..
    Cryin is rili therapeutic..Abeg Cry if d ting pain U..

    @bright…honestly wat was ur mood like when u wrote this?

    1. @sibbylwhyte: Haba na, these days when the woman leave na celebration…hee hee hee…Really, I would cry if I could but I think I cried too much in my childhood such that now the wells of my tears are near dry till dug a bit by the stings of loved ones flowing theirs…
      Sha, I know several of my guys who wouldn’t…From the guy who talks like you, freely with the f***s @seun-odukoya, strong faced @kaycee @midas @afronuts .. I would have added @brytandre but with this poem, I am not sure again. We suppose ask am truly wetin im mood be.

      1. ‘Talks freely with the f****’

        WHat is that…italics?!?!?!

  11. thanks guys…all the correction noted.but the problem is i submitted 4 more in this same sms mode *sad*…please i hope i ll not be seen as not taking to correction.

    I really wanna grow and naija stories is the right place.lol

    thanks once again.

    Everytime i lose a friend,relative or see an accident,am reminded that someday i d be gone too…but to where?

  12. Guy, when you die, you will find out where you are going to.
    For now, live well and stop thinking about dying.

    But if you are in a hurry, to die is very easy. I could suggest some ways…

    1. Hee hee hee…sure…I know some places where you wouldn’t even need to ask. Hahahahaa!
      @kaycee, you dey always twist the thing…Kai!

  13. Fuga mundi?
    well to die is to live,
    just struggle hard to live better
    and you could go home, home sweet home!!!

    ,’@!;: ?

  14. Sucide note?

    Good message. Focus on God n stop thinking about dying. Note the corrections. Nice poem.

  15. This is a good poem with a deep message.Enough has been said about the corrections.

    Well done!!!

  16. this is a powerful piece.
    I could forgive all your errors…but i won’t so…edit!

  17. Editing already done, nice job

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