Saturday Brunch (1).

-1-

“I mean it’s just aww-ful! God have mercy on us. You know M’s cousin Wale right? The one who works with the DFID? Yes, him. He actually had an appointment to be at the UN building.”

“Really? Ohmigod!”

“Yes, Chinelo. Just imagine it! Please could you pass the syrup?”

“Oh, no, no, Chinelo, don’t worry, I’ll do it. I mean, it’s… closer to me. Lucy, here you go.”

“Oh. Thank you Lamide. Hope it wasn’t too much trouble.”

“Ah, no. Not at all! Trouble ke? Just passing the…”

“So, Lucy, how did Wale escape the bomb?”

“Kitan, you wouldn’t believe it. It’s such a crazy story. You know that morning, his wife actually went into labour?”

“What? Shut! Up!  Meg has had her baby? How come nobody told me? How come you didn’t call me?”

“She had twins actually. Two boys.”

“Ohmigod! Are you serious? That’s wonderful!”

“Yes. But they’re not really telling anyone yet, except family, cos one of the twins is really sick.”

“Aaawww…”

“How tragic.”

“I know, Chinelo. Imagine it. They said it’s some kind of congenital heart defect, or something like that, I don’t know. It’s so sad. And please, girls, don’t tell anyone cos like I said it’s still sort of a secret.”

“Oh, of course.”

“Please Lucy. Me, Kitan Bashorun, who would I tell? Now that I’ve left Ayoola, you guys are my only friends.”

“And you Lamide?”

“What? I don’t underst… Oh, oh, of course, I won’t tell anyone. I mean, I don’t even know your cousin or his wife or…”

“Thank you Lamide.”

“So, Kitan, really, what’s going on between you and Mr. Wright?”

“Chinelo, I’m not sure I understand that question. Lucy, these pancakes are superb! My God, I haven’t eaten pancakes like this since… since forever! Where’d you get this new cook?”

“Oh, I stole him from a club, the name of which I’m not going to divulge. He was like their top chef or something. It was quite the mini-scandal. M and I actually got a life-ban.”

“Seriously? From Ikoyi Club?”

“It’s not Ikoyi Club, Detective Wright. So don’t be too sharp for your own good. But yes, somewhere like that. You can imagine. Such overreacting. They’ve actually told their staff to be on the lookout for Mr. and Mrs. Olaposi.”

“Jesus! That’s hilarious! It’s like they put out a hit, like a fatwa on you and Mayowa.”

“Just imagine, Kitan. My life, full of drama.”

“Kitan, are you going to answer my question or not?”

“Dr. Chinelo Nwadinobi, I told you I don’t understand that question. And I’m not in the habit of answering questions I don’t understand.”

“Ah, please, Kitan, don’t get b-i-t-c-h-y. You know what Chinelo is asking. When are you going back to our friend the engineer? It’s been what, four, five months since you moved out? You know we miss you. We want you back on the Island.”

“Wow. I can’t believe you guys are saying this. I mean, I can’t believe we’re even talking about this! Whose side are you on? You were there when Ayoola was beating me up daily, those days when I had black eyes all the time! You were there when he almost broke my leg! You were there when I had the miscarriage! I mean, are we really talking about this? Really?”

“Kitan, everybody has marriage troubles.”

“Kitan, you can’t be this naïve. Show me a woman with a wealthy husband and I’ll show you a woman with a mountain of problems. Lamide, please pass the yoghurt. Kitan, a woman doesn’t leave a man like Yollie. She learns how to handle him.”

“Oluseeni Olaposi, please don’t annoy me! Who is Yollie? Yes. Who is he? Don’t talk to me as if I was nobody before I became Mrs. Wright! I am Kitan Bashorun! Ayoola spent five years, five years, running after me, shuttling between Lagos and Manchester and begging me before I agreed to marry him. So please! As far as I’m concerned Ayoola Wright is a non-entity! I can walk away from all that jazz without even batting an eyelid!”

“Ugh, Kitan, you don’t have to take it personal. So it’s now got to the point where we can’t advise each other anymore ehn? Is that where we are now?”

“Lucy relax. Look at it from Kitan’s perspective. Our dear engineer definitely crossed the line. I mean, what would you do if our dear Mayowa beat you?”

“Me? Beat me? He wouldn’t dare! Baba e gan o to bee! Nonsense! Lamide, I asked you to pass the yoghurt!”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you!”

“You see my point Lucy. That’s exactly it. You don’t expect Kitan to forgive him just like that. Not after what happened the last time. But Kitan, you too, you have to be practical. An African woman doesn’t leave her husband. We know what Engineer did is horrible but Kitan, it’s just not done.”

“Well Chinelo, I thank God that by virtue of schooling, I have now become Mancunian. In Manchester, or anywhere else in the civilized world for that matter, women don’t have to put up with crap just because they want to stay married.”

“Lucy… here’s the yoghurt. Em… sorry… Kitan… Kitan, I just have to ask. What about your children? Don’t you think they need their father?”

“God! Lamide, please! You don’t have to ask anybody anything. You’re here as a guest.”

“Oh no, sorry please, I wasn’t trying to… I was just asking.”

“Please don’t.”

“’Luseeni! Haba! Relax! It’s fine. Lamide, I don’t have any children. In twelve years of marriage, I’ve only been pregnant twice. The first time I had a miscarriage. I don’t know why, it just happened. The second time, after eleven years of waiting, eleven years, I had another miscarriage, but this one was caused by my husband’s wonderful kickboxing. It happened five months ago. Since then my husband and I have been separated.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry.”

“So Kitan, as I was saying, you have to be practical. How much longer do you think Popsy is going to let you stay at home?”

“For as long as I like, Chinelo.”

“Be realistic. They might be happy taking care of you now, but after a while… A married woman’s place is in her husband’s house Kitan. Everybody knows that.”

“I suppose I should just let Ayoola kill me once and for all. Right?”

“Kitan, this is your problem, ehn. You always get so dramatic and make things complex. This is a simple thing. You just have to learn to handle Yollie. No man is perfect. Men are like children. All a woman has to learn is how to manipulate them.”

“Uh, Lucy please don’t start.”

“No, but it’s true.”

 

NOTE: This is part 1 of a series. The conversation continues. Please let me know if this works or not, and particularly what you think of the four characters: Lucy, Chinelo, Kitan and Lamide; and also what you think about the issue they’re discussing. Thanks. I LOVE NS!!! Lol!



26 thoughts on “Saturday Brunch (1).” by Gboyega Otolorin (@guywriterer)

  1. Conversations sounded believable, it worked for me. Yoy did well with effecting female talk.

    Lamioe

  2. Lamide’s role as a guest, did you want to portray her as a typical nosy fellow or what?

    1. Miss Turtoe, thanks for commenting.. As for Lamide’s role, just keep reading.. all will become clear..

  3. I enjoyed it immensely.Its witty yet serious.I also love the way you introduced your characters.Only you knows how ur story is going to end so I am not going to put words in your mouth.we would be waiting anxiously for the rest of the story.

    1. Ok o…will try to put up the next bit soon..thanks for liking it.

  4. this is really cool…i mean, i was eavesdropping!!!
    now, you make me feel like an eavesdropper and a gossip because, am going to tell others about this! lol!

    sometimes…it’s like, the dialogue ‘Ran’ and i had to reread…
    lol… i would forgive u anything but, if i ever read that a wife-beater isn’t punished, i”d REMIX this your work and make u an MC that i’d beat!

    part 2 plz…gossipz good!

    1. Thanks Adaobi, keep reading. Love the compliments, especially that eavesdropping bit..thats kind of the effect I was going for. Just a conversation between friends, no narration or descriptions or any other writing intruding on the gist..

  5. Gboyega,

    The conversation is well written, and it’s very believable… but dialogue-only prose doesn’t work for me.

    I think there’s only so much you can show by dialogue; either you decide you are just going to leave those details out, or you get one of the correspondents in the dialogue to mention them, in which case the dialogue becomes contrived.

    1. Yeah. The dialogue-only thing leaves far too much for the mind to assume, and that can be really distracting at times.

    2. @Seun, but that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? That’s what I like about this style. The reader doesn’t have to be told what’s going on, he infers from what the characters are saying… and it’s less stressful to write too.

      @tola, I know the style isn’t for everybody. But why i’m attracted to this style is cos it’s always a challenge to find that balance between keeping the dialogue real and believable and including all those details that help the reader ‘see’ the physical actions going on. i don’t know how effective I was in balancing out the two in this piece but anyway, thanks for commenting… What about the wife-beater issue? And Lamide? i thought Lamide would arouse more interest…

  6. Oga…why you come dey tell us say you like NS?! Is that supposed to make us go gentle with you?!

    Thanks but…no thanks!!!

    Lol…the story was original, the dialogue was interesting. The only issue I had with it is above.

    Well done guy.

    1. Mr Odukoya, I wasn’t trying to ‘bribe’ oh…thanks for liking it.

  7. At the beginning, it was fun trying to decipher who everyone was, but as it continued, the story began to drag. I like the issues they brought up, I like the immediateness of the UN bombing, but the dialogue-only narrative lost me after a while. The dynamics are intriguing though, Lamide must be like a hanger-on?

    1. YES!! Myne noticed! Yes, Myne, Lamide is sort of a hanger on isn’t she? The rest don’t pay her much attention… As the gist goes on, u’ll see why. Working on the second bit now. Trying hard to make it snappy all thru so it doesnt drag.. thanks for reading and commenting..

  8. I got a head ache listening to all those women. Now, really, am I supposed to read a book where women ά̲̣яε gossiping? A whole book filled with women talk? You wan kill me?
    E get as e be o.

    1. well, I guess the piece works only if u can stand women-talk…but who said anything about a whole book? Oga, this is not an excerpt oh..

  9. It was fun reading this at first, then I lost interest in figuring out who was who, I just flowed along with the issue they discussed.
    This style works for shorts and flashes, but like Kaycee noted, if it gets any longer you might lose a good number of your readers.

    1. Like I said, the style is not for everyone… but thanks. At least you liked the discussion itself, if not the figuring out who exactly is talking bit..

  10. Fun at first, but dragged on. All I could really see was ‘pass d yoghurt’ etc… Still, nice work with the female Dialogue. Just…dem don tell U for on top na.

  11. Oga Raymond, thanks man…..

  12. Mr G, you must be tapping into your sensitive side or really pay a whole lotta attention when you are around females cos initially I thought it was a female writer till i saw ur following comments.
    Good job but I am still trying to figure out what Lade is up to but I guess there is more to come. Good job Sir!

    1. U mean what Lamide is up to? Stay tuned. And why are people always surprised when a male writer writes realistically about women?? Get many comments like yours…and really I don’t know how to reply. It comes naturally???

  13. I love this. Very believable and catchy. I could visualize the whole setting, the women, their ‘social status’ etc just from this dialogue. I cannot wait to read more.

  14. I like the idea of writing only in dialogue, for short pieces and for experimental purposes… it would be easy to lose me with anything longer. I felt like I couldn’t always tell who was speaking here, and the only character that sort of stood out, for me, was Lamide, cos she seemed sidelined. But I’m curious about where the story is going, so that’s a good thing.

  15. Thanks Uche. U’re d best. Pls read thru to the end (part 5) and tell me what u think….

Leave a Reply