After The Rainstorm

After The Rainstorm

In the darkness of my room I heard music playing near by, it wasn’t something I was accustomed to, no! the jams was an 80’s old school. It played on and my mind kept going back to the past and returning to the present, and each time bringing a lot of memories back with it. Somebody snored beside me, I didn’t care, I just laid there and had these incomprehensible maneuvers. The two large windows of my room were slid shut for the cold abound which emanated from the previous day’s rain was magnanimous. My neck ached, my waist worse, the whole of my body felt like the body of that ‘Ong bak’ boy. My nose was clogged, I was surprised that I already felt warm, yet I perceived signs of incoming malaise. I had no doubt about this, but only prayed for Gods help, for if you had been caught in the cross fire of the hydro-pelletial war between the skies and the earth of yesterday and you didn’t fall sick, then you ought to count yourself lucky.

I counted myself lucky but not many will even though it wasn’t my prayer for them. For the first time, in this hydro-war I was caught pants down. If you saw me leaving home that morning with a black jacket you will wonder for the sun at high pitch was scorching and indeed it didn’t look like it would rain by eve. But it did and I was glad for my fore sight. And when it came down, it poured with much alacrity, malignity and vexation as if the people of Lagos-earth, had annoyed it.
Other days that had been like this I’ve seen but most times, it was pictures circulating in the Blackberry Messenger world or on the news. But yesterday I saw it all happen and I marveled on the stress and strife people go through in Lagos-life just to make ends meet.

As I and many others on foot swam the thigh deep flood water with the commuter buses and motorcycle riders I watched on as my eye snapped many scenes; a bus stop filled with people without or with half sided umbrellas, a woman strolling along fast with her one year old baby strapped to her back and with no umbrella, a lady carrying loads of bags who almost fell into the water from her Okada, another young lady with three small kids between the ages of five and eleven all trying to get atop one motorcycle (Okada), a pregnant woman shuffling with rest of the populace. All the vehicles remained at a stand still for many moved slowly trying to avoid deep holes or gutters which had been masked by the flood. Some didn’t even know which way to go, while others quenched out rightly. It was a sorry sight. All this while I had an umbrella, I didn’t bother rolling my pants up to the knee. It was useless. You only do that when the puddle you enter is not up to the knee. But this? This was way up, past the knee to the thigh. A little higher and my balls would have boasted a floater.

I swam on trying not to drop dead, trying to make it home, the rain flogged me on, and my umbrella couldn’t stop the cold’s stings. It was that bad. Now I’m awake and reminiscing the past, yesterday, and how I felt in that cold. I pondered, how would it had been for all those kids and people I aforementioned? The inevitable is obvious, many will fall sick, some will get well, and some won’t, who knows? Some may eventually cross over to the other side just like that leaving their loved ones behind. Its just crazy. I can’t help asking if all this is worth it, if this life is what the stress and strife? I ask many other questions that I know are without answers. Do we blame someone or something? Who? What? God? Ourselves? Our rulers? Life? Nature? You tell me. Now I cannot check the extent of yesterday rain’s damage over the web news for my Blackberry and gprs network provided by Airtel mobile has refused to function. It has been so since the rain started yesterday. Even though the EDGE is in capital letters and the network bars are full, its no use trying, for nothing is going besides I’ve been fooled already by it for too long now. Let me leave you to ponder the rest as I ponder mine with my eyes closed praying for my self and for all.



27 thoughts on “After The Rainstorm” by Blaise Aphascea (@aphascea)

  1. “The two large windows of my
    room were slid shut for the cold abound
    which emanated from the previous day’s
    rain was magnanimous.”
    abound? you obviously assumed magnanimous is an adjective of magnitude.nope.

    “the cross fire of the hydro- pelletial war ” I assume it means rain,but the war cant be between both…the earth does nothing during a rain.

    something is semantically wrong with the second paragraph…and the punctuations are slightly off.

    “as my eye snapped many scenes”…this is awkward

    please re-read the entire story.

    This first-person tale would have been newspaper-worthy if it were not fraught with so many errors.

  2. Is this about the July 10 rain??

  3. It seemed as if Ekwe read my mind as he has highlighted all the major faults of this piece. There are more. If you read these comments, I want to ask a question. If you were telling a friend the story of the Lagos flood in English, is this what you’ll say?

    I will advice you to write simply, especially for short pieces like this that relate to everyday occurrences. All the best.

  4. Lol. I read through (because I like to that no matter how tedious the piece) and it is not very good. As all pieces go, it is a start (and I believe the reason you put it here is to get opinions on how to make it better), so please take heed of earlier comments and see if you can touch it up. I will look forward to a re-write, because I can see promise in the story it is just the delivery that is “wonky” (to borrow from one of my critics) lol.

  5. Errors…plenty. Tense issues as well…And Ur body cannot feel like that of the ‘Ong-Bak’ boy-Tony Jaa is his name. U don’t know how it feels.

    Rewrite.

  6. I trust u Ray(without the dark shades).

    Looooool.

  7. Well done, for something as memorable as that particular July rain, the telling has better be good! Waiting to see the touch-up soon.

  8. Yeah.

    “I just laid there and had these incomprehensible maneuvers” I was like ‘WTF’…????

    Pardon my Yoruba.

    Effort. Just try harder.

  9. @Seun. Do you just comment on write-ups just for the points or for the sake of it? This is a piece with many error no doubt, why not point them out instead of cursing the piece? Or are we allowed to use swear words on NS now? Not unless your WTF meant wednesday Thursday friday. Your the highest ranking member here, if you use curse words as comments, I ponder what we down the food chain should do.

    1. Do I comment on write-ups for the points or for the sake of it? That’s an absurd question don’t you think?

      I think my intent and purpose when I comment is pretty clear. If you don’t see clear…wipe your eyes or ignore the post. I could have easily put a ‘nice one’ here. I simply felt that would not be adequate.

      So therefore…don’t insult me.

      And you might want to take the time again to read my comment. I did not curse the piece…it would be dumb of me to do that. The ‘WTF’ i put there could have meant anything I choose to ascribe to it…but I put it there to show my consternation. It was what I said what I read the part of your post that caught my eye…which I copied and pasted so that you would not misconstrue.

      But I guess once you’ve made up your mind to see something in a particular way…it really does not matter what the person who owns it saw.

      Whatever. You ‘down the food chain’ can do whatever strikes your fancy. I am not your boss.

      For the sake of being clear…Blaise…

      Do not insult me.

  10. @Irene, thank you. I admit the errors. I appreciate it your comment. But then, piece was put here specially for this; to be corrected. I shall do justice to it. (Hugs).

  11. Yeh, Tony Jaa, I see….now you are just showing off. Or did you google the name of the “Ong bak” boy before making this comment? Because your mentioning it seemed inconsequential, besides, I wrote this I know how I felt, you can’t take that away, and I do no. 0t see what’s wrong in painting a picture of how I felt with something most people can relate with. NB: if I had used your “Tony”,it won’t make an immidiate connection like “that Onbak boy did”…….chikena…..thanx for your comments nways.

    1. Aha. What now, u knock out the bro’s comment then try to sweeten d blow. Broda, I ain’t feeling you at all on this o! I fink u re missing the point of all of the comments, and that is not a good thing- believe me.

  12. @Ekwe, yes, the earth does nothing when it rains, it just sits back and takes all the punches. Its never a fair fight. It has never being just like David Hayes Vs Vlädmir Klitschko. Thanks man, you said it all. I shalll make corrections asap.

    @Myne; Gracias. I haven’t written in a long time. I’m a bit rusty. But I shall go back to my feather.

    @Shia. Tank you too.

  13. @Seun……na wa o! Take it easy…I fink we should give the guy a break abeg.

    But I fink we are all looking forward to a touch-up, abi? Hopefully, we will see it soon and judge how far the guy has improved.

    1. Shai…why are you always picking on me?

      I commented. He came at me. I responded. And I’m the one you tell “na wa o…take it easy”?!

      C’mon Shai. Come on.

      Be realistic.

      1. Bro. U do know @Seun (probably before I did) so I believe u know how he “does” his thing. Not all of what he says he means (at least that much I fink I av figured out), so that was why I spoke to you so u can see beyond wat u see and realize DD merit of what was said. Nothing personal, and nothing vindictive or biased about my comment.
        Peace.

        1. Ok. @Seun the above comment should read to you (using a mobile right now and it is not easy going at all). But I am sure u can relate to all I said?
          By the way I ain’t picking at u okay. Read my other comments please, I fink it may help u realise a few things.

  14. *peeping* Mr Seun, yeh your comment is seen. The WTF could have been anything, of course its kids that you are talking to here in NS. And of course you had to emphasize the “down the food chain”…………whatever. And well if you did put a nice one, well….what fun will there be in that eh? And well, I’ve just seen your “take it easy comment”…..mmmmh, its the other essay you wrote wasn’t enough either.

    1. Of course I had to emphasize it. YOU put it there, didn’t you?

      Why are you complaining about it now? If it’s a problem…you shouldn’t have brought it up. That’s why the quotation marks are there…I was quoting you.

      And in regards to your last paragraph…it might as well be in Swahili for all the sense I could make of it.

      Come clearer man.

  15. May be I will just copy your comment above, sorry I mean you’re essay above and put a lil touch here and there then send it to Admins as a write up…to be published.

    Ps…homie….don’t take this shizzle serious or personal….aiit? Its me Blaise. No disrespect.

    Oh…dt was @Shai……okies…thought it was seun again up in ma bidness again….lolz

    1. “No disrespect”. Indeedy.

      Kinda too late for that too…don’t you think?

      Choose your words with care…wisely next time. Don’t start what you can’t finish.

  16. Take it as you will…. See it as you like..of course, “we are all entitled to hw we see things”…so if your so quick to jump th gun, no biggies…..and hey, it wasn’t an apology I was rolling out…just talking matter-of-factly.

    1. LOL.

      You don’t know jack.

      Who gives a hoot whether you apologise or not? Grow up jo!

      You just need to understand: nobody’s here to stroke anybody else’s ego, so if you think you can disrespect people just because they did not tell you what you wanted to hear…you have a long way to go, friend. Both as a writer and as a man.

      In other news…

      Moving on. Thanks for your time.

      1. @Seun you know secretly I admire you (though I may not agree most of the time with your methods).
        I remember my first few days here, and how u were always giving me “hell” (although I av come to see u were very mild in my case), but a very perceptive pe(and as writers we all should) see through all d harshness and realise at the first time of asking what is being said. I do not understand why writers would not be bold enough to take a blow to the chin? I remember I wrot, because the verdict on the original was a no-no. I fink I av made that e else. For us to improve and which is what I fink we are all here for, we should be ready to stand up to a challenge, be ready to re-write if that is what. Sessions demand. Also, I like to discuss every point made on my piece (no longer in an adversarial manner, but in a way that would open up new opportunities and meanings I might not av unlocked before putting them up.
        So, that is why people like @xikay, @ada, @Seun, @Irene and a few others are comments I look forward to when I put up a piece. Even though you have steered clear for a while (I miss d incisive observations and the sometimes off-putting remarks).
        Finally, I fink u cut to d chase too much and sometimes on too strong when u review.
        We all dey learn!

  17. Blaise,

    The idea of the story is an interesting and topical one, but the word usage obscured the story and made it not as enjoyable as I would have liked.

    Take this paragraph – my comments in bold:

    I counted myself lucky but not many will even though it wasn’t my prayer for them. For the first time, in this hydro-war (this word doesn’t work for me; it gives the impression that rains are persistently injurious to human activity, but I don’t agree that this is the case.) I was caught pants down.

    Or this:

    A little higher and my balls would have boasted a floater. what does ‘boasted a floater’ mean?

    Try to keep it simple; after all, the main point of a story is to communicate your ideas/experiences.

  18. Shai, tanx, A̶̲̥̅̊Й∂ Tola,point taken. Gracias. We all they learn.

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