My very first time

My very first time

The chemistry brought me to him
I did not understand the feel,
All I wanted was him,
To quench the fire within
He took me
Like a lamb to the slaughter
Wanting to devour
Lyk a roaring lion.
I was to be slaughtered,
On an altar of foam
With a knife
That would pierce through my soul
To appease
The gods of the loins.
We wore our birthsuits
I felt i was about to die..
Cos my heart beat like it never did
He touched me
I became helpless.
His soul went through mine
My mind blew up
I lost control
He brought his sword,
And placed it in my sheath
I felt pleasure and pain
Both in one plane.
And with harmonic motion,
Pleasure overcame pain.
I dont know how i felt
But I know it felt good!
As I looked at my sheath,
I saw “THE RED”.
A sign to show
It was my very first time.

16 thoughts on “My very first time” by candyman (@candyman)

  1. Lovely piece. I like the choice of the descriptive words and it portrays the first time as a noble thing. Do try to avoid informal expressions like ‘lyk’ and also make proper use of punctuations and lines. It’s a poem afterall.

    1. sorry about the informal spellings.i thought i corrected it will look like i don’t take corrections.i gotta be more careful next time.thanks for pointing it out.

  2. ‘I don’t know how I felt…I just know it felt good’

    Wow. Good one.

  3. No comments…

    1. no comments too.

  4. I don’t think I really like the feeling this poem evokes in me, mostly because of ur metaphors; u seem to be telling of a pleasurable experience but then the poem comes off as a bit too raw, too fierce and savage for me. I sort of get a dark and sadistic/masochistic vibe from the poem.

    if that raw savagery was what u originally intended, then u’ve done quite a good job except for a few places where u could have been a bit more descriptive perhaps.

    but then again I must add that this poem didn’t feel deep enough for me ( i couldn’t quite connect with it and somehow I don’t think u wrote it as u felt it – u were kinda distant from it). when reading it, pictures keep flashing in my mind first “the chemistry” next “fire burning” then a lamb on a sacrificial altar no wait a minute a lion is about to pounce on it …….. now it’s on the altar again being stabbed and so on. U see what I mean?

    All in all I think it’s a good poem, the fact that I personally don’t like it notwithstanding (it didn’t make me feel all “happy and sweet”) It made me feel something at least, which is more than i can say for most poems I’ve read lately. Keep it up………i’m not a fan of urs tho.

    1. raw you say?i don’t think so.admin would have reverted it to draft and called it obscene.
      you couldn’t connect to it?every virgin about to be slaughtered on an altar sees the penis(now you made me say it) as a knife.i chose to portray virginity as a ram to be slaughtered with “the knife” .well,you couldn’t connect to for the depth of what you intended to feel,i can tell you what to feel.felling differ.warmth,cold…it differs..well you said i did well at least.that’s a sign from God.

  5. Well done….this captures the mixture of fear, pleasure and pain of a woman’s first time! BUT PLEASE PEOPLE, NO SEX BEFORE OR OUTSIDE MARRIAGE O!

    1. extra marital affairs when i get married.good you could connect to mixed feelings i tried to portray.

    2. and those who have already had loads of it nko?

  6. u did good with this I must say though I wonder why it is this dispassionate.
    u began with chemistry and then u said
    :He took me
    Like a lamb to the slaughter
    Wanting to devour
    Lyk a roaring lion.
    I was to be slaughtered…4 a second; I wanted to scream 4 help 4 u…lol
    I really enjoyed reading this.
    thank u.

  7. Good piece. But candyman, na wa for your poems O!

    1. wrote it in was “wah ” for me those days.and ther,s more where that came from.

    2. Igwe..meaning there is always an element of ‘horror’ in anything that has to do with CandyMan…He is indeed Horror personified.

  8. nice one here. i can see that this poem was written at the beginning of a poetic journey. i am however not one for for poetic erotica, still, this was good

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