My First

‘Wish I can capture all feelings in words

That my pain and happiness I will shout to the world

That to the world I will tell story of my first

And my very best whose love I’m still in thirst

 

May I have the taste of your lips?

From your steam may I take a sip?

He asked with ease

My hand in his

 

I couldn’t think

I couldn’t wink

’Pierces through my heart like a knife

’Never felt this way before, I’m naïve

 

Lost in his love

His question I solve

He searched for my eyes

He could feel my slightest sigh

 

He held me with valor

He looked at me with adore

I never knew the power a look withhold

Until his eyes I behold

 

In his eyes I saw a dream

Of a lonely stream

He and I sitting together

Holding to each other

 

I was lost in this vision

When he captured my emotion

He moved closer

And made his body my cover

 

I never knew the power in the touch of a lip

Until my virgin lip he unzipped

My body submitted itself to the call of love

That moment I felt my all problem is solved

Every little part of me stirred

He licked my neck, forehead and hair

And finally he whisper

I never knew the power in a whisper

 

Until I heard him speak

More of his voice I seek

Its common words he said ‘I love you’

As if those words I’ve never heard

 

I felt loved

I felt owned

He was my first

And my very best

 

I hold on to him for minutes

As if I knew I won’t see him again

Wish I could captured that moment

Now I’m all alone in pain

 

Cos since then I never see him

He left without ‘goodbye’

He left when I’m dry

I can’t sing cos he left with my hymn

 

Now if you see me staring at space

It’s him I’m searching for

If you see me standing at the door

It’s him, I still await his gaze

 

Fresh in my memory is still that day

Unsullied is the words he say

I remember my first

And my very best



9 thoughts on “My First” by Admin2 (@admin2)

  1. nice piece! it was rather long but it flowed logically

  2. Nice poem. I like the way you told us a lot without telling us much…I like.

    The first huh?

    1. Second line second verse…’from your steam…’

      is that intentional or did you mean to write ‘from your stream..’

      ?

  3. Words have spirits, I believe… I see a very strong spirit behind this poem… It is indeed from a heart filtered of lies… Very good effort…

  4. i heard no one forgets his/ her first and you have just buttressed that point with this poem. i like the underlying message and i even almost found myself in the position of the MC. well done

    i still think the attempt to rhymes affected the overall beauty of this poem. kinda diluted it.
    also, i noticed a lot of tense problems and a few other issues and i have brought out the obvious ones:

    And my very best whose love I’m still in thirst[..FOR WHOSE LOVE I AM STILL IN THIRST]

    His question I solve [SOLVED]

    I never knew the power a look withhold [WITHHELD/ WITHHOLDS]
    Until his eyes I behold [BEHELD]

    Until my virgin lip[LIPS] he unzipped

    Cos since then I never see him […HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM]

    Unsullied is the words [WORD] he [WOULD] say
    And finally he whisper [WHISPERED]

    That moment I felt my all problem is [ALL MY PROBLEMS WERE] solved

    Wish I could [HAD] captured that moment

    Well done

    PLS: why do I feel like I am reading a woman’s work? is it just the angle?

  5. Xikay took the corrections out of my keyboard, so I’ll just say, Nice work…

  6. Nice poem. Kindly take note of Xikay’s corrections.

  7. Xikay can be quite thorough, and now I have nothing to say, except “what a touching poem.”

  8. A beautiful tale told well in this poem.
    Apart of the edits issues which Xikay has pointed out, I feel the last three stanzas are redundant and anti-climatic. It would have ended better without those three stanzas because in the second line of the eleventh stanza, it has been hinted that you will not see him again. How beautifully then it would have ended with the line ‘Now I’m all alone in pain.’ Very strong and implicative of the the things mentioned in stanzas 12 – 14.
    My favourite line?: ‘Until my virgin lip[s] he unzipped.’ Very strong imagery!

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