And My Heart Flutters

And My Heart Flutters

And my heart flutters

AND MY HEART FLUTTERED
By
BLAISE ABOH

I was going back home, actually home it used to be, for the past one year it was. With my heart heavy like that of ‘Thor’s hammer’ I touched down at the park, smelt the air, oh! I thought, “What a splendor I’ve missed”. The smell of grass, trees, solitude, the smell of mud, thatch, rusted roof tops and the village people living there-in. I alighted from the bus, took a step and my heart fluttered, many scenes started to playback in my head like melancholy dreams; the good times I’ve had, the bad, the parties, the grooves, the times I’ve gotten so mad that I almost plucked someone’s head off. I remembered one or two people, and then the friars, most of all I remembered “she” and my heart fluttered. Oh God I asked, how I could face her? How could I face this? How could I face my own self? I got to my house, the compound looked deserted save for a little kid poking his head out from the corridor. The inside of my room was dark, and dusty, so I threw the windows open, “that’s it, mmhh I love fresh air”. I cleaned up and prepared dinner. I had a can malt, laid back on the bed with my eyes to the ceiling, closed it and my heart fluttered. Oh! Oh! It did flutter for the sight which befell me be-dazzled me like the royal crown of Queen Elizabeth. Those eyes looking into mine, those luscious lips, those cur…..”What? I can’t believe someone just knocked on my door”. It was just a friend who came all the way from Abuja for the same thing I came for, he was to pass the night in my place. I told him to feel at home, laid back on the bed again just slightly pissed with him and my heart fluttered, I smelt her perfume, I couldn’t remember the name (it’s irrelevant), but she who wore it, and that was all I could remember.

I awoke to the thought of having dreamt of a friend asking me for a favor, and my heart fluttered for just then my phone rang, that same person was calling for the same reason for which he came to me in that dream, the same reason that brought me here, the reason which were but unselfish. Soon it was morning, I got out of bed freshened up and took a taxi to the meeting point, I had prepared for this moment, the time to face her, to face this, to face me, and the sum of all my fears and nightmares. Soon as I stepped out of the taxi, I felt burning sensations just as I had flashes of dream capes and dream casts as a million colorful lights shun down on me like the light strobes in a dancing club. But then it wasn’t a million lights, but rather a million pair of eyes and my heart fluttered again. I had come prepared, with the charisma and pride of that of a peacock, dressed in a ‘David Weg’ cross hatched checkered shirt of many colors that I couldn’t tell, an out-back denim with suede Intrusion snickers, my aura oozing of ‘Bod-pearl-212’ on ice concussion. I also walked with the swagger of ‘Billy Bob’. I heard some lady say that I had the fragrance of four seasons; Autumn, spring, summer and winter. That my looks were that of the modern day black John Wayne with the Robert Deniro smiles getting the ladies to pop their cans.

And then I saw her, in a blue dress, ‘the devil in a blue dress’ as I’ll prefer to tag her, she saw me first and I knew this just as my heart fluttered, she closed her eyes, flushed, blushed, threw her head back with her eyes closed. What happened then? Was it me, the Blaisafly effect? Did I blind her that moment? Did I have the radiance and sparkle of the moonstone of ‘ze lycanthropes et ze vampiris’? Was I ‘The shining’ which one Stephen King wrote about? And then my heart fluttered for I knew what it must have been. That moment I was that halo on top of the head of a Saint, I was that substance which gives a diamond crystal its glimmer. Yet I was more than I ever imagined; the tears rolling down the eyes of a beauty pageant contestant who has just been crowned queen, the walking human version of the constellations at Orion’s belt or more so the tingly feeling of ecstasy of every Nigerian whenever PHCN brings back the light (electricity). Then I took a step and the ground gave way beneath me just as I felt my body soar to her direction. I also saw her fidget and melt just like butter did near fire. I was stunned, I was yoked, I was angry as flint which bore fire. I couldn’t get to her in time and my heart fluttered for I knew right then, she’d practically evaded me thus letting me know; that it wasn’t the end, that my nightmares wouldn’t go that easily, that there had to be an encore, that it was just the beginning.

Originally written by me
Aboh Blaise Ugochukwu
http://aphascea.wordpress.com
aphasceaworx@gmail.com
Twitter; @aphasceaworx



36 thoughts on “And My Heart Flutters” by Blaise Aphascea (@aphascea)

  1. Confusion.
    Too many comparisons.
    ‘With my heart heavy like/as Thors hammer’. Not ‘with my heart heavy like that of Thors hammer.’ And y is thors hammer in quote?
    Light shun(shown). There are other errors too.

  2. I really didn’t get the story even though I had to read twice, maybe a little explanation will shed more light on it.

  3. Exactly kaycee I was confused n didn’t even get at all.

  4. I get d fact that U r trying to be casual in Ur writing, but that casuality is making U forget some of the basics of writing. Misuse of punctuations in some places, lack of clarity etc. Rewrite this bro, and make Ur work tighter.

  5. you have done ok blaise. nice story, nice concept and good telling. the minuses came in form of structuring and the issues noted by @kaycee and @raymond and i go with them a little bit of the way.

    some of the paragraphs were kinda long for me. sentences could have been broken to allow the reader read easily.

    in all, this was one great piece that could be better.

  6. Greetings ppl, + the Oko omogÈs’ in the house, u know ur selves….#all points taken, but understand, I’m alws trying to break rules……..”Wht is creative writing if you are contantlygoing by already set rules and bla bla set ghosts ages ago & not breaking nu boundaries by trying to create a new #smthing #smthing.

    1. (*_*) *blinking* (~’_’~) *frowning* (^_^) no yawa

      1. i can actually picture you blinking and frowning…..lol..

        I didnt get the story at all so didnt go past paragraph 2 that is if i got that far sef…I dont mean to be offending bros..but i confuse for this your post….

        DivaDivine

        1. meant to say…’Offensive”’….hehehe..as english no be my papa language, no sue me…

      2. Diva, no mind me o! na wetin i see come enter my eyes like Appolo

  7. Read again, #toomany comparisons…..here and there….I have no apologies, pls sm1 shuld point a rule book dt says smfin about to many cmparisons bein wrong,that’s d idea of the write-up…its a Nu #mode I created..this is not the first, I still have another…….many more….and anyways, I call this mode ….

    1. i dont think @kaycee meant harm oga. its your style but he is viewing it as an audience member…waiting to see the others you said you have

  8. Our year 2011 but differs from 1650….ofcourse we can mimmik other known writers, but where’s d fun in bein creative?where are all those Ashawos’ in the CREATIVE WRITERS group? #Bite me!

  9. @Raymond,point taken…..but casual is d wrong word, I prefer discombobulated,

    1. DISCOMBOBULATED!!! you wan scatter our brain!!!???

  10. @xikay, not witstanding…….all points taken……and as 4 dat word, awon literati, etumo oh….

    1. ko si problem..you too gbaski

  11. Well, unless U r not hoping to take Ur writing to the next level, trust me when I say this will not get U any fans in the reading public. People will not buy Ur books n stuff. No offence, but that’s just the truth. So while U r trying to be creative, don’t take it too far. After all, too much of everything is not a good thing.

  12. @raymond….#Point taken..(Y) this is the best comment I’ve gotten since #commnet marathons on my posts….

  13. I really tried to get the message here, but you kept throwing the title of the story in my face and I got confused because it felt like being shouted at.One of my lecturers used to say that it was wiser to first understand the rules before breaking them, so that there would be structure in the breaking! I await other works from your stable. Catch ya bro.

  14. @Xikay, @Raymond, @Anderson Paul, Can you imagine this guy. We were just trying to be encouraging and polite that is why we didn’t let the gloves come off. You call this creativity? Readers are supposed to jump into ur mind before they buy your book. A work that isn’t understood because it breaks writing rules is only fit for the dogs. U think say people wey make writing rules no get sense? U get luck say u na my fellow ashawo if not…
    @Irenecarew bako, I love you. I mean, love ur comment.

    1. @kaycee i think now you can understand what we were discussing on the FOROOM group

  15. @kaycee……no dey share my reply wit anoda person…if u wan make l_ _ _ to irene, pls do it on a diffrent post….oko omogé, well as for d dudes dt made d rules….dnt f_n knw dem,
    Dnt kia…..mayb not now..mayb smday I’ll will….. Ryt now I just love to play with words..just as they come….ur advice is taken deep @heart…#oneAshawo2anoda #wink

    1. @Blaise, we are experimenting on something new here that is why you are receiving heavy punches. we do not want to be boot-lickers anymore. now we are wearing our contacts close to our eyes to see the shortcomings of each post here.

      so we no go praise-sing anymore.

  16. Dear admin,I detect a trend here, well of course, ppl like trend, folo folo, is dia no way u can close previous comments on any post, by letting the reader know d number of comments on a post, but not actually seeing the cooments untill he/she actually drops theirs….??

    1. and lest i forget, you can choose to retaliate by tearing of our works apart.

      by the time we all shoot with proper aim, all of us will be better for it

  17. There appears to be a love\hate relationship between the MC and the lady that makes his heart flutter…that’s about all I could glean from this story. It was a tad confusing. Please at the risk of being called a “folo folo”, listen to Raymond’s advice as I am sure you want your fans to enjoy your work

  18. Blaise, at the risk of sounding like a follow-follow, I’ll say that Raymond and Irene have said everything I would have wanted to say. And I think it’s important I say it, just so you know I read your work and I had an opinion on it.

  19. me too i want to do follow follow..wetin i wan talk sef?!

  20. @xikay, I praaaaaaaaaayyy, as Tom Clancy will say, “then let all golves come off”. No more patting….

    @Pple, I also hope no more reading others comments to make yours..

      1. Ah, @Xikay, U confuse too?

  21. Yes no more praise singing. You write trash, we trash it. Gloves are off!

  22. @kaycee…Marvelous,quite delectable…..many writers would pray dia hearts out b4 dey post…..whyl sm wud dsappear b nofin but ghosts 4 fear…………

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