All posts by goodnewseruemuare

Goodnews Andrew Eruemuare also known as SIR A-ONE is a Nigerian researcher, pengician, humourist and rapper. The CEO of; The national President of CREATIVE WRITERS' ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIA (CWAN) and Publisher of Literary Temple Magazine. And also the current Financial Secretary of the ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIAN AUTHORS (ANA) Delta State Chapter. A very controversial icon.

Classico by SIR A-ONE

Classico by SIR A-ONE

*classico: My variant of classical.
Not poetry. Just bunch of lines (Raptry).


Fully wrapped in a multi-user dungeon,
Now relaxing in the air
Who shall I fear?
Elizabethan or contemporary?

5 Diluted documentaries
Or pure documentaries?
My penmatization
Is far better than their fake dramatization.
My penmatis personae

10 Is more action packed
Than their dramatis pesonae.
My inkhrenheit
Can flash Drive
Their wheels,

15 My ink drive
My driver.
Now my ink is turning me on
I’m pensturbating
At the top of the literary shrine

20 Menstruating my ink to the core
Like an arrogant whore.
Burning the Literary Shrine down
With daily destructive criticisms

25 Home and abroad.
I’m as rough as a breaking news
But thanks to my beautiful muse
Who is jailbreaking me out soonest.
My poetic licence

30 Is in my vehicle;
With it, I ‘bus the line’
Burst in a ball of poetic flames
Hungry looking poets gazing at me
As if its breakfast time.

35 No dinner these days
Situations and circumstances
Surrounding my wallet is far
Too big,
It is even bigger than Nigeria’s problem.

40 Trust me
I’ve seen a lot meaner streets than the
Ones you’re used to.
Security men are here,

45 Come to my street,
Goats mount every nook and cranny.
I think I’m too insane
My literary shrine rat shall maim
Every evil spirit in human clothing.
I was born November 22nd

50 Many years ago
November the dry season!
I was born in a dry season
To reign on Earth.
After my exile

55 Remember me as ‘words innovator’
Or the ‘words coinage master’.
I know I may not be here too long
But after my exit
Many may not be able to eat for about a month

60 Countless will lose thousands of litres
Of water in their eyes.
Heads up
Eyes closed,
Preachers harvesting lies with the sickle

65 Of truth
Ford-driving corruption with no passenger
To talk with, while the journey
Continues in an endless destination
Of pain and regret

70 Carefully laced in the fine pot of deceit
Taking the ark of the convenant
From the Literary Shrine.
Pen robbers
Looting other writers’ lines

75 When no one is there
To summon them for plagiarism.
This is sensitive and highly classified.
‘I live in a world that does not play
By critics’ rules!’

80 He boasted.
Stupidest Penlord to ever live
He broke the line.
My pen worth
Falling out of the plane for.

85 Wounding words from my pen
Murderous pen man
Murderous sex man
Are from same planet.
The pain from my lines

90 Can cause cancer of the uterus
And lead to death in pool of blood.
Praise and ululation are not cousins.
Hmm, my lines are flames that
Will consume my rivals,

95 No drumming can drown my lyrics
Because no matter the noise of the flies,
The butcher must surely sharp the knife
For his business.
I do not think of umbrella

100 Before the rain threatens
When I lead my goat
I stay behind it.
A man with short knickers
Means he carries half thoughts.

105 I set my traps
To catch spirits.
I gave birth to my parents.
I am that I am not.
Traditionalism placed in the fine pot of modernity

110 That is me.
The Rural-Urban Poet!
That is what I go by
No matter the foolish idea
You are selling

115 I’m not buying.
Some individuals are senselessly wise.
Paying performers some honoraria
Is my gospel.
Animosity giving rise to betwitching

120 Pengicians who are dormants
In this classico fight
No victors,
No victims.
My warship

125 They now worship.
Their transgressions
Is now a deadly repercussion.
Thanks for listening, my Dear.

130 And I mean it,
I will deliver this lecture
With no blood stains,
No midwife’s help
No auxiliary nurse assistance.

135 Give me only three minutes
Let me make it rain
From dusk till dawn
With thunderous thunder and lightning
Uprooting roofs

140 And rendering people homeless, with
Refugee camps
With no adequate care
From the bad government.
Real conflict is that between

145 Man and fate.
Fake conflict is that between
Man and himself.
At this point in time
I know I’m literarily drunk,

150 God, please, take the wheel
No bully
But I will bake you to satisfaction
Hold the table and lets get in action
Delay is Dangerous (D.I.D).

155 I’m in love with this government,
Best government ever!
Hunger catapulting individuals to their sepulchres
Mass burials for military and bloody civilians who lost their lives in the vineyard

160 Of serving their good land.
No ransom whatsoever
From anywhere.
When shall we stand up to mister corruption
When shall the positive change come

165 And possess the land?
And mount the wheel of progress for us all
Homeless beggars
Begging for that single change.
Change is change

170 He roars.
The opposition concluded
In a low key.
Transformation the former ruling club sworn
Time for the sword to display came

175 The opposition sweep the hall with malpractice
Is this the change we clamour?
Now you are the Boss of the Bosses
What next?
Building castles in the space

180 Painting the invisible portrait
For poor masses to weep and groan
In the agony of change.
We don’t need that kind of negative change,
We need a positive change.

185 The journey continues
The project was a total disaster.
They made me look like a complete fool.
The show was absolute rubbish.
A chemical reaction in me…

190 I might be completely unaware of my transgression
But that does not make me a righteous one.
Handsome smile
Does not make one a kind person.
No one drinks palmwine

195 Same way with palmfuel.
The Literary Shrine is helping me
To rain down the ink;
This time, the flow is as painful as
A virgin’s monthly flow.

200 Now flowing faster than tide
Waiting for no one like Mister TIME.
Ink with a black DNA
Deoxyribonucleic Acid
Pushing me around to pick up people’s children

205 Like truck load of household appliances.
I will keep monitoring you like a familiar spirit.
Trying not to lament
Pastor at pulpit prophesying bunch of lies.

210 Witch Doctor claiming to know one’s tiles
Extremists misinterpreting scriptures.
Lies everywhere
No more ‘To whom it may concern’
As I’m about smashing this critic’s

215 Head against the publication rock
God, please, have mercy
Call me Messi
Call me Mercy Johnson, sorry,
Call me Johnson Mercy.

220 Daily literary gymnastic
Over stressing the mental faculty
Like a gym instructor
Repeating commands like a computer Instructor
Mounting the pen-pit

225 Like a pilot to his cork-pit
I’m literarily fit.
Android flow
Always multitasking literary programmes.
I am that I am not.

230 The arrogant you spat on my face
The deflowered blood on my white lace
Corruption is still your suit case
The pride you showcase,
May Chinua Achebe elongate your penhood

235 Longer than your very height.
See the desperate power-seekers
With empty promises.
Building bridges were there is no water.
The golden voice is here!

240 Chase your dreams
And see them shoot into space.
Butterfly and Bird are not cousins,
Kite and grasshopper are not related.
I’m so cold-hot

245 Even your oven
Is afraid of my literary coven.
Like a wizard confessing
I’m full of inkful things to say.
Keep eating

250 My pen I’m forking.
Opposition wiping away incumbent,
This is so Mouka and Vital than my blood.
Like Pamlwine taper
Wrapping his climbing rope all over himself,

255 Same way I’m dwelling at the Literary Shrine
Every time of the day.
The war against drugs and cultism continues!
Jibrin Idris’ Picture of Dorothy and Danladi
Is even clearer than 3D.

260 This is the highest definition
Of a true pengician
Who possesses a brilliant pencraft
That is more powerful and inkful
Than any witchcraft ever.

265 Like a cobbler
I urge us all to shine our eyes
As a new voice ‘SIR A-ONE’
Sprout out of the shores of Africa.
Soon, they will accuse me of *Usigho

270 I’m an *Ovigho
In the making,
They are just dirts I’m raking
All thanks to God, my creative manufacturer

275 I keep driving as the true penufacturer.
I am that I am not,
I am the Classico.
Weaving lines
Daily is my occupation.


•Classico: Classical. SIR A-ONE’s variant.
•Ovigho: An Urhobo word for wealthy man.
•Usigho: Blood money.
•Penufacturer: An Ink addict. A creative Icon.
•Mouka: A type of mattress/foam in Nigeria.
•Palmfuel: An acidic palm wine. An almost soured one that can cause pain than gain to the body system.
•Pengician: An established writer, humourist and artiste. Coined by SIR A-ONE.
•Penstruating: Bleeding of the ink upon papers creatively.
•Inkhrenheit: The measurement of one’s creativity literarily. Coined by SIR A-ONE.
•Penmatization: Casting your creative personae in a work of creativity . Coined by SIR A-ONE.


Goodnews Andrew Eruemuare also known as SIR A-ONE is a Nigerian pengician, researcher and rapper. The CEO of
A very controversial icon anytime, any day.

SIR A-ONE quotes on Women

SIR A-ONE quotes on Women

SIR A-ONE quotes on women

“You want to marry a woman? Go and meet the mother and observe her. The way she looks, that’s the same way she will look after dropping some kids with you.”

“59% of women will leave their matrimonial homes when their husbands are broke.”

“Women are so beautifully made, no wonder they lose their beauty after multiplying one or two issues.”

“Give her more than she asks and you will hear ‘You’re the best’. Give her below her expectation and you will download this from her mental loudspeaker ‘You need to work hard, I’m more than this’ ”

“Why should a woman gossip about the way her man handles her in bed? Do they sometime know it is regurgitating in nature?”

“Between your mother and your wife, who should be the first on your list? You finished her cowbell industry before you became a man. Your wife’s cowbell industry is still your daily food. Decide and decide well again who to top the list.”

“Women are like Robert Mugabe, they can blow Jonathan today and blow Buhari tomorrow. They are never stable.”

“A talkative woman is as bad as Nigerian government.”

“Show me a virgin and I will show you why she has lacked the opportunity to swallow a man’s rod. Life has raped us all from the womb.”

“Every woman will keep complaining like Nigerian citizens, always having one thing or the other to talk about.”

“Show me a good woman and I will show you why she is bigger than Nigeria’s problem.”

SIR A-ONE quotes on Men

Could This Be An Attack On Men?

SIR A-ONE’s quotes on men

“You want a man to show you true love? Ask Google ‘what is true love?’ He cannot even define it properly.”

“Every man is addicted to a woman. The monks are not exempted.”

“Any man that lays hands on his mother or wife is as bad as Nigerian government.”

“Show me a sad man and I will show you a broke and sex-starved icon.”

“Any man that says a woman stinks is worse than the devil himself. She stinks, yet you want to die in between her legs.”

“If a man will not stop disturbing you as a woman, open legs for him and his stupidity will be activated the right way.”

“Men are like Robert Mugabe, they can be very silly at times.”

“Men will always be foolish in the presence of women. The more they try to adjust, the more stupid they become. Blame them not. They came out of women.”

“If money or woman doesn’t take a man’s life then he came out through caesarian.”

“Where they came out from, they will always want to die there. I wonder if they lost anything there. Very pathetic.”

“Show me a good man and I will show you a fantastic cheat.”

“If you like kill yourself as a man, you can never satisfy a woman in bed. When you are done, her energy to take more is always activated.”

SIR A-ONE: Good lines I have seen in the recent past!

SIR A-ONE: Good lines I have seen in the recent past!
“Feed a hungry man. Don’t give him a gun for security reason, else that weapon will become a source of income for him.”

“The problem with Nigeria is not size nor population. Just greedy leaders and myopic citizens who don’t want any form of revolution. From local government to Federal government is absolutely corrupt!”

“Ground shaking as if the earth is quaking at my controversial entry. I prefer to be controversial rather than being mundane.”

“Killing myself now. No need for ‘I Go Dye’ to ‘BasketMouth’ my feelings.”

“‘Mugabing’ is better than ‘Buharing’. The former is just about carving quotes, while the latter is all about wasting national treasury all in the name of travelling and forgetting the priority of governance.”

“When you cannot afford some things, don’t diss/insult people who possess such things.”

“Anyone that is making mockery of Nigeria is a mistake in every sense of it. It would have been better that water/spermatozoa that produced him/her was given to a menopause woman.”

“Playing like ‘Messi’ is not a day’s job. You will waste your skills when you are after an overnight breakthrough!”

“When Government cannot patronise locally made products, they should not preach such patronage to her citizenry.”

“If one person can loot 2 trillion naira in a country of 120 million persons, then greed is at its peak. Why loot for 30 generations after you?”

“Poetry will not feed people in Nigeria until there is unity between poets and a proper overhauling in the system.”

“Poetry is one genre in Nigeria that is full of quacks. Everyone wants to be called a poet. Many are after the mere title instead of focusing on this integral part of Literature. Is poetry the only genre of Literature?”

“You can count novelists in Nigeria, but you cannot mention the poets. Poetry is one field that is full of dropouts in Nigeria.”
GOODNEWS Andrew ERUEMUARE also known as SIR A-ONE is a Nigerian pengician, rapper & humorist. The CEO of

Nigerians at times… by SIR A-ONE

Nigerians at times… by SIR A-ONE

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Naijastories. The contents of this article are of sole responsibility of the author. Naijastories will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article. © Sir A-One .

They always claim to be the best in all. Those who cannot do half of what you’re doing will always talk trash about you.

1. People were always abusing our former 1st Lady (Dame P. Jonathan) of bad grammatical constructions before she left office.
They always abused/dissed her.
Wait a minute. You want to eat ‘grammar’?
Try and get to her level first before you talk trash.

2. Buhari is disgracing us here and outside the shores of Africa.
You’re so good in English, why didn’t you contest with him, Mr./Mrs. Oxford?

3. GoodLuck Jonathan is a weakling.
You are not psychologically okay to me. You should have been his P.A to always advise him on what to do when he was in office Mr. World’s Strongest.

4. The kitchen belongs to the 1st Lady.
Why are you angry at this? Do you expect an illiterate to drop lines like a Professor? Leave President alone. A Professor is the Vice President to an illiterate President. That is ‘power’ for you.
These same individuals killed, maimed and abused others in order for PMB to be the President of Nigeria. I thought they were aware that he was not even having a WAEC certificate before they voted him.
Confused citizens. They don’t know what they want.

5. Things are hard.
When he (Buhari) came through HARD way. He won his elections in a hard way and you expect things to be easy with Nigerians? You need a Doctor.


GOODNEWS Andrew Eruemuare also known as SIR A-ONE is a humorist, pengician, researcher and rapper. The CEO of a controversial icon anytime, any day.