**************Saturday 24th June 2006********************
I stopped an stared at my reflection on the Macy’s store window, many people passing by would probably think I was staring at a dress I longed to have when I saved up enough money but I was actually having a flashback before I passed the One place that led me to the person that saved my life.
A year and five months 4 hours and 25 minutes had passed since “the day” and every time I walked past Salvare street I just kept having a thankful flashback sometimes I’d cry, other days I’d smile but today was different I stopped involuntarily to look at myself just at the point I may have gone.
Many may not understand my story, others may think it’s ridiculous but really that was the beginning of my actual life,life the way I and everyone else is supposed to live.
***********************Friday, 24th June 2005****************************
The day I got life rather than lose it like I wanted to. I had so much going on for me a 17-year-old girl.Life seemed to tumble me around especially for the past month.
I had failed a couple of test I studied so hard for while people cheated and got high points.My Uncle lost his job so I had to be put in a free education school,it was that or no education at all so I had to go with the lesser of the two evils.
I literally had no friends because all the people I thought were my friends betrayed me, it felt like I was alone. Everyone’s life around me was so idyllic while mine was the antipode. I was just a dark hollow and empty soul breathing oxygen and wondering each day why my life was so different from normal.The last memory I had of life being good to me was when I was five, with a happy family then my Dad got sick and passed away. My Mum started drinking and taking drugs, she was being taken to a rehabilitation center. My Sister and I were being taken away, my sister to my grandmother and I was given to my Uncle John. Ever since I hadn’t heard from anyone of them and I never felt loved because my Uncle never really had time for me..I had eight cousins so well the love got to me last and least or nothing at all. It felt like no one even cared about me for a minute.
********************Still, 24th of June 2005************************
I decided I had enough of Life’s cruelty and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had found a panacea to all of my problems…to end my life. I mean what is Life when it’s not worth living. I had gotten Aconite poison to take immediately I had got to the dark corner of Salvare street.
For a Second or two I heard a voice saying” Felicita don’t do this, Life could get better ” but then I thought “Well, if I die I won’t feel hurt anymore and besides no one would notice I’m gone, when the cleaners come to clear up in the morning they’d just meet my dead and cold body and probably throw it away”.
I walked past Macy’s just a few more walks and then I’d be gone,but then I saw a post saying in bold print “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved” EPHESIANS 2:4-5. I looked at it and read it aloud a couple of times…”LOVE” is what I want to feel, ”DEAD” is what I want to be. I decided to go into the building, maybe they had something more to tell me. I sat at the back row as I listened to the man on the stage speak,after an hour he said “The Lord has ministered to me about someone here who is tired of life and is looking for unconditional love to be able to make it through, please come up to the stage if you may”
“Wow”, I thought to myself,does this place have a mind reader or something as I slowly and shyly went up to the stage.” Let us pray” he said.He told me if I accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour that through him life is found,the word “Yes” came out of my mouth involuntarily and right at that moment I felt peace and love. I felt different and reborn much in a way I couldn’t explain.
He gave me a book “The Bible” and told me to read it and discover life through it which I did and now that I understand God better I do realize that he was that little voice that told me not to end life,he gave me another chance and a better life. I did die, I lost my pain and got
reborn in Christ with Joy, Love, Peace and Happiness
Though the Church relocated, Macy’s served as a Memory mark for me anytime I passed Salvare street which by the way means “Saved” in Latin.I got saved and found Life in Abundance and things in my life definitely got better. Guess Happy endings do exist or do I say Happy beginnings wonder my mum named me Felicita…the END
“I hope we all learnt from this beautiful story, when life hits you and gets you depressed, find hope in Jesus don’t end it”, I said to the Sunday School Children as I closed the book written by Felicita Chantez with the title “SALVARE”