Welcome to Lagos: Inside the bus (S1E2)


In loving memory of the last episode of  The Welcome to Lagos series, Danfo palavas (which can be found here by the way ), I offer you this sequel to ease your pains with as much quantum of laughter as you can muster.

If you live in Lagos, and you’ve never noticed these categories of people inside all the buses you’ve been entering all these years, then your eyes are not holy (you need to go wash it 7 times in River Niger).

1. The toasters and the toastees

In the event that the bus is loading in the park, there’s usually always that guy who looks well around before deciding on where to seat – the deciding factor, is that fine lady that’s been seating by your side since, that fine babe you couldn’t muster enough courage to talk to even though you’ve been staring at her yellow laps since you entered the bus.

2. The preacher

While you sit there constantly pinching yourself because you didn’t make the first move on the fine sister, one churchie from no where wearing a large shiny signboard as his shirt will start to disturb your flow of emotions.

Each shout of “Repent, Jesus is coming soon” he gives, makes your heart jolt momentarily, because deep down you know he’s saying the truth.

3. Okechukwu and his loud phone call

Your mind is flashing you all the sins you’ve committed, between the time after you asked God for mercy this morning and your staring at Sisi’s laps, your conscience is passing outstanding judgement on you, until Okechuwku comes to your rescue with his loud mouthed phone call of money and containers landing to his associates at Alaba, Ladipo, and Idumota.

4. The woman who must collect her change

You’re happy for the distraction Okechuwku has brought even though the other passengers are complaining. Suddenly, the igbo woman sitting next to the driver turns her neck and is shouting without provocation at the conductor “Give me my change made. Ole!” An argument begins in earnest, with the yorubas automatically taking the drivers side, and the ‘Omo Ibos’ supporting their sister.

5. The silent ghosts

With the civil war brewing, you and all your fellow deaf and dumbs in the bus are still quiet, and earnestly praying to arrive at the bus-stop, so that you can run away before they break someone’s head, or police come and carry everyone for noise making. ( I think I belong to this group).

What did I miss? What do yo experience daily in the public bus? Let’s talk.

– Talius Dike

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