Respect The Beard

I have beards.”It comes with age”,so they say but I am only a teenager. This year will make me 16years old but I look like am 23, sometimes I like it but other times I hate it. I like it when ‘big bros’ in my street will bully other boys my age but won’t come close to me and my friends. Even when Stephen looked for Oga Okey’s trouble, Oga Okey was about beating him then I arrived at the scene and he just stopped and starting telling me what stephen did even though I didn’t ask him anything, he even told me to warn stephen, that he would have beaten Stephen very well but he stopped because he wants to give me that respect since Stephen is my friend. He said he gave me that ‘respect’ of not beating my friend in my presence because he knows I won’t like it.

Imagine Oga Okey who’s just seven years younger than my dad respecting me, a boy, who if his love for weed and cigarette hadn’t chased his former girlfriend, Aunty Nikky away, would have been married and given birth to a child as old as me. Just because aunty Nikky refused to put weed in the stew he asked her to cook that sunday, because she was a good christian and God doesn’t like weed and people who smoke it. She knows he smokes weed but she was trying to win him over to Jesus Christ, so that is why she usually come to his house and she sleeps over just to see if she can change him when he’s asleep. I even heard that she sleeps with him, I am not sure yet but I think she was trying every possible means to change him, even if it meant sleeping with him. That is part of winning a soul for Jesus, I think she’s a good christian. And God blessed her efforts because she is married now with three boys and a girl.
Stephen, my friend Oga Okey wanted to beat is two years older than me, but Oga Okey didn’t respect him, it is me he wants to respect. We are scared of Oga Okey because he doesn’t take rubbish from anybody, anybody that insults him, he’ll beat that person very well. He is a bricklayer and his palm and hands are very strong. On Tuesday that I shaked him, my palm felt like I was rubbing sandpaper on it. Now if he uses that sandpaper hand to slap Stephen, Stephen will just run mad.

I have muscles, some ‘big bros’ use to ask me where I use to gym so that they can join me but I use to tell them that it was from our former yard, where we used to live before we packed in here. I don’t gym. I don’t even know how to gym. Oh no I remember I use to gym two twenty litres of water from our landlord’s house across the street to our house everyday, Maybe that is how I got my ‘gyming body’ or God just gave me a ‘gyming body’ like my dad’s own. My dad has a ‘gyming body’ because of too much lifting and hitting of hammer on a nail. He is a carpenter.

I hate my beards. I hate it because when I am playing with my mates in school, they use to think that I am older than them, even Aunty Debby our english teacher use to call me the “Papa of the class” whenever she ask me a question that I don’t know the answer, everybody in the class will laugh at me whenever she calls me that. I hate that her ‘k-leg’ and long lips that I call ‘Onu Sungu’ in my mind whenever she calls me the “papa of the class”.
She claims she schooled in Cambridge but she doesn’t know that Cambridge is in Europe not America. How can some one who schooled in Cambridge have ‘die-die’ sandals? She only has one sandal and two cover shoes. The black sandals that she wears almost everyday and it always has a problem and after she will be begging Musa the shoe maker to repair the sandal free for her.
Because of my beards,’big bros’ use to choose me often when we are playing ‘Monkey post’ every Saturday. Some of my friends want to be like me because I have beards and can talk with ‘big bros’ freely as if they are my mates. Because of my beards when I scored more than all my classmates in our maths test, Uncle Gideon our maths teacher said it was because I was too old for the class.

9 thoughts on “Respect The Beard” by Chikaleaks (@chikathrill)

  1. meyizzy (@meyizzy)

    hehehehe same hre o………bt am trying to shave mine of o……..nice work #winkx

  2. kilmahhart (@kilmahhart)

    Funny stuff but you might want to watch your diction

  3. This would have been a very nice piece indeed but the grammatical errors ruined it for me. The use of “use,” and the use of small letters to start words like “Christian,” “English,” to mention a few, are massive blunders. While the idea is obviously superb, the execution needs a lot of work.

  4. It was entertaining and I was engaged. I kept looking out for scenarios where you loved your beard (not ‘beards’ by the way) but it appears the cons outweigh the pros. I would have liked a bit more adventures you’ve encountered with your beard but this piece is a good start. There’s room for a sequel or two. Nice one.

  5. Nalongo (@Nalongo)

    Very colloquial.

  6. You be ‘agbaya’ jhoor….
    Maybe your parents didn’t tell you your real age.

  7. @CHIKATHRILL. Funny but the grammatical errors robbed this piece of some of its fun.
    I hate beards and if I have the chance to ask God, evolution……..a question it will be “what’s with the beards?

  8. Thank you all for your reviews on this piece. Was writing from the perspective of 16year old Nigerian youth. Just starting out will surely improve on my diction. Thanks again.

  9. Aderonke Daramola (@Shovey)

    funny “agbaya” with beards. you go fear bia-bia now *in yaw’s voice.

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