You never feel sexy enough for him. You think your thighs are too thick, your arms are too wobbly, your tummy is too flabby, your chin is too fatty and of course there’s the hair. You have hair everywhere – your legs, your back, your arms, your tummy, your face. You’ve had something close to good sex only twice in the two years you’ve been married, every other time was either awkward or seemed like a chore. Maybe it’s because he’s freakishly tall and you’re just 5 feet 3 inches. At first you both worked at it and tried to make it better but eventually you gave up; actually he gave up first. You want to make it work, you want to score an A+ in the bedroom department, you want to make your husband the happiest man alive but you just don’t feel like you’re enough for him. You know he loves you but you don’t think he is sexually attracted to you so you ask him: “Jay, are you sexually attracted to me?” He puts his laptop aside and walks to you with a smirk on his face: “Come on Jane, you know I’m extremely attracted your soul and who you are inside.” As he plants a kiss on your head and walks away you can’t help but feel rejected. You know his answer to your question is “no”.
You have been on the internet for hours searching for solutions to your problem and you think you’ve found something that will work. Tomorrow is your anniversary and you’re going to blow Jay’s mind. You don’t really believe you can do it but you’re willing to try.
You’re back from dinner at that new restaurant in town and it’s time to shower, Jay has showered already and is in bed watching the news. In the bathroom you take out the red lingerie from the Victoria’s Secrets bag lying on the ground. You look at it and sigh, consoling yourself that in the end the 18,000 Naira you spent on the thing would be worth it.
You return to the bedroom with your bathrobe on and you walk to the stereo. The CD you bought earlier today is already inside so you press play. You take the remote and mute the sound from the TV. You step in between your husband and the TV and close your eyes. You let the music get to you and you begin to dance, slowly, trying to be sensual and all. With every passing second you feel more confident and by the time you’re done your lingerie is lying on the floor. You look at your husband and it’s pretty obvious he’s trying hard to hold it in but he can’t and he bursts out laughing. He laughs and laughs till his eyes glisten with tears and you stand there staring at him with a scowl on your face.
INTERMISSION (Indian movies style ;))
For the first time in a long time you both felt awesome. You feel as if you’re finally getting the whole sex thing right. You look up at your husband and ask him: “My striptease must have been good huhn?” He replies: “Yeah, it was hilarious!”