An open note of gratitude to you, Daddy.
I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me, for all you’ve done to me, and for all you have done in me.
I want to thank you for the fears you let me harbour, for the misery you put me through, and for the pains you inflicted on me.
I can’t thank you enough for number of times I bled at your hands, for the nights I cried myself to sleep with the consolation that I wasn’t yours. I can’t thank you enough for the times you threw me out to be devoured by the lonely streets.
I will always be grateful to you; for with each hurt came a growth, each tear taught a lesson, and with the pain, knowledge.
So I’m grateful for the man you’re not; made me appreciate the man I am.
I am grateful for the father you failed to be, for through this my children shall have a better father.
I’m grateful for the nights you made me cry; made me appreciate my modest smiles.
I’m grateful for your biased love, for through this I have learnt to love mine equal.
I’m grateful for my failure to be good enough for you, for to be good enough for you is to be worse than you.
Thanks for always finding the humor in my well nurtured ideas, for always reminding me that I could never be as good as your first.
Thanks for never seeing the worth in me.
I cannot describe the emotional pain and resentment I feel towards you because my words just aren’t enough.
But mostly, I feel sad for you. I feel sad for this self-serving war you insistently battle.
I feel sad for how readily you get with your unrelenting attempts to marginalize me.
I feel sad for how low you get in the bid to do this.
I don’t love you, Daddy, and knowing this exhilarates me;
The knowledge that I don’t have to try to be good enough for you; that I don’t feel the need to be loved by you; that I am a better person without the quest for your validation.
This note is me being the bigger man. This is me slaying the large elephant in the room. This is me, once again, being the man you have never been.
Goodbye Father, I hope you don’t make the same mistakes with the others.
So this is my note of gratitude to you, a father that bore more title than figure.
Thank you, Dad, you would always mean Nothing to me.