An Open Note To My Father

An open note of gratitude to you, Daddy.

I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me, for all you’ve done to me, and for all you have done in me.
I want to thank you for the fears you let me harbour, for the misery you put me through, and for the pains you inflicted on me.
I can’t thank you enough for number of times I bled at your hands, for the nights I cried myself to sleep with the consolation that I wasn’t yours. I can’t thank you enough for the times you threw me out to be devoured by the lonely streets.

I will always be grateful to you; for with each hurt came a growth, each tear taught a lesson, and with the pain, knowledge.

So I’m grateful for the man you’re not; made me appreciate the man I am.
I am grateful for the father you failed to be, for through this my children shall have a better father.
I’m grateful for the nights you made me cry; made me appreciate my modest smiles.
I’m grateful for your biased love, for through this I have learnt to love mine equal.
I’m grateful for my failure to be good enough for you, for to be good enough for you is to be worse than you.

Thanks for always finding the humor in my well nurtured ideas, for always reminding me that I could never be as good as your first.
Thanks for never seeing the worth in me.
I cannot describe the emotional pain and resentment I feel towards you because my words just aren’t enough.
But mostly, I feel sad for you. I feel sad for this self-serving war you insistently battle.
I feel sad for how readily you get with your unrelenting attempts to marginalize me.
I feel sad for how low you get in the bid to do this.

I don’t love you, Daddy, and knowing this exhilarates me;
The knowledge that I don’t have to try to be good enough for you; that I don’t feel the need to be loved by you; that I am a better person without the quest for your validation.

This note is me being the bigger man. This is me slaying the large elephant in the room. This is me, once again, being the man you have never been.
Goodbye Father, I hope you don’t make the same mistakes with the others.

So this is my note of gratitude to you, a father that bore more title than figure.

Thank you, Dad, you would always mean Nothing to me.

15 thoughts on “An Open Note To My Father” by Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

  1. Jeez! so sad. Can a father be this mean? I lost mine earlier tho so I guess I dont know how it feel. Thanks to my mama for being a father-figure.

    1. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

      @Shovey Some fathers just don’t know how to be fathers. I think it might be as a result of their own childhiod, or an adopted norm. I just think as a father, you should support your child in different ways other than financially. Some go all the way to physical abuse maybe to display possession or domination. But I believe that abusive words and degradation builds a distraught child.

  2. Hmmmmm…… Touching. Sometimes we destined to go through the fire so that we couls become something meaningful to ourselves and others. Most times its just an unconscious efforts by our folks to break us so that we can be mended and become world beaters.

    I guess turning negativity into positivity moulds our mindset and takes us to the eldorado of self realization, self worth and self discovery.

    At the end of it all, forgiveness holds the key to freedom of heart, mind and soul.

    Sad I must say.

    1. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

      @thaprince Thanks for the comment.
      There is a thin line between being harsh and being abusive. You can’t keep pushing a child away from you, and making him feel like he isn’t good enough, never encourage him at all to be better, and expect to get an award for the world’s best father. Whatever ideology a father might have that being abusive towards his child is the best way to train him/her is just sick.
      The child could learn to be stronger through this, but there would be bits and parts of him that would be lost in the bid to be achieve this for himself. It’s almost like an unrelinquishable plague.

      And the most annoying part is that tomorrow, when the child is well accomplished, the parent would come to take credit for it.

      Like you said, forgiveness holds key to freedom of heart, though it could never give you what you’ve lost.

  3. Ouch I love my papa, he’s like the best ever to see that someone else’s can be this mean is unsettling.
    No matter what one should show affection for their kids, its greater than all the financial burden.
    The one time I saw my papa was crying, I was soo upset that he was sad, I couldn’t see him cry because he’s too soft, always listening to every shit we have to say, even to my ideas before posting a story here.

    1. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

      @ameenaedrees Thanks for your comment. It’s a great feeling to have someone to talk to about your feelings and ideas, and it is a greater feeling when it’s with understanding parents. I’m glad you have that. There are lots of people that crave that.

  4. this breaks my heart and i sit here with tears in my eyes. I don’t have a good relationship with my dad (he eloped with another woman when I was six), and we are just trying to mend things. One thing rings true about this: We always try to do the opposite of what our parents did to us that made us feel worthless as children. I will die first before I abandon my children. And i make sure to tell them how much I love them as often as I can. Never heard those words from my dad

    1. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

      It’s really nice to know that someone can relate to this on that level. Like you said, we always try to do the opposite of what our parents did to us… We try to give ours the important things we never had as children. If only those three words — I Love You — were said as often as they should have… If only those words were ever said at all… ‘It’s not in our culture’ I have heard people say.

  5. The piece veered right into a path I wasn’t expecting, and therein lies the priceless lesson. Great job sir.

  6. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

    Thanks for the comments @Nalongo @musite

  7. @ROY-JOURNALS. Very sad ( tears in my eyes ). Well written I like the way you brought out so much sad emotions that will certainly touch the heart of anyone reading this maybe even the heart of fathers like the one in this poem.

    1. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

      @danjuma Thanks for your comment. I really do hope some fathers get to learn something from this.

  8. I cant even imagine how this feels, I always wonder what kind of hatred, evil, damage anger and confusion could be running through a parents mind when they treat helpless and growing children like this. Its deplorable. I thank God everyday for the loving father, grandfather and uncles I have, even after my mother died my father tried to make up for it by becoming as motherly as possible so that we wouldnt feel like we were lacking even though we were mostly adults. It pains me that more fathers cant be like that. I say a prayer for all future fathers that God put unreliquishable love in thier hearts for thier offspring…

  9. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

    Thanks for the comment @ivie9ja I am really glad you have a great father. That’s something to cherish. Not a lot of people can boast of that. I say a big AMEN to that prayer.

Leave a Reply