Protection Charm

Darkness descended upon Dangoro’s compound whenever the sound of his car was heard. The darkness was not the kind that came when NEPA took light, nor the type that came when the sun has gone below it’s horizon, nor the type that cloudy night brings by hiding the moon and the stars. It was darkness of the heart, children became sorely quite, his wife would become jittery because she doesn’t know how the night would turn out. The workers would not even gossip so as not to make a sound.

The house became glum, everyone sticking to their businesses and lowering their gazes as if they were in a graveyard. That was how Dangoro wanted it, everyone should be subdued and they should know their place.

He took majestic steps as he went into the house, his wife Misbah got down on both knees to greet him before collecting his briefcase and the children imitated their mother.

They went to their rooms and pretended to read while Misbah stood over the table as Dangoro eat, she prayed nothing was wrong with the food or else!!!! Her prayer was not answered. Dangoro spat out something from his mouth.

‘What is this? He asked gravely, before Misbah could look a hot slap landed on her face, then several punches and kicks.

‘Go to the room and kneel down.’ He yelled. Misbah who had fallen hurriedly got up and headed there.

 

Dangoro was by all means a successful man, he had a big house several cars and his kids attended a good school. He helped his relatives and never let his family need anything material.

But he never laughed, he hated indiscipline and was always strict about everything. That was at home, in his office his subordinates hated him because of his arrogance and sheer wickedness, but his seniors loved him cause he knew how to be submissive and loyal that was why he was the Governor’s best guy. He knew how to take and execute orders. He was the favorite and knew others were jealous of him so when he dreamt that night that the Governor was dancing naked he screamed like a baby, held Misbah tight and cried like a baby.

‘What is it my husband? She asked fear searing through her to see her ironman husband crying.

‘I’m dead.’ He said in between sobs.

‘God forbid, you’re still here with me.’

‘You see, you see I had a bad dream.’ He whimpered.

‘Let’s pray.’ Misbah said and covered her hair.

‘Ok.’ A long silence and a prayer said in the heart sufficed.

‘What do I do now.’

‘We just prayed.’

‘No I need a protection charm so the Governor doesn’t turn against me.’

Misbah thought for a while and said.

‘My uncle Purukaka is a well known cleric I will call him here tomorrow.’

***

Dangoro sat on the bare floor opposite Purukaka, he wore nothing but his boxers that was one of the instructions the cleric gave alongside that their children should be sent to their grandparents.

 

‘Someone is against your success.’ Purukaka said staring at the sand on a cloth in front of him.

‘I knew it, I knew it.’ Dangoro said shaking his head.

‘He is a man.’ Puru added.

‘It is that greedy Tijjani, he walked home yesterday with two contracts.’

‘Hmmmm this Tijjani is black.’

‘He is black, very black.’

‘His soul is black, you need a protection charm else the Governor will listen to him from now on.’

‘Please help me.’

‘Hmmm you need inside and outside protection, 100,000 for the outside protection.’

Dangoro sent Misbah to get the money.

‘What of the inside one.’

‘You need to eat and drink the shit and piss of someone who loves you most.’

‘What!!!!!

‘Yes.’ Puru answered coolly.

‘I can’t do that.’

‘You have too, its the only way or Tijjani will win.’

‘So whose shit and piss should I feast on?

‘Your wife’s.’

‘What!!! He screamed as he eyed Misbah with contempt and disgust.

‘Now go Misbah and get it.’ Purukaka ordered and Misbah stood up, shortly she returned with a tray that was well arranged, beautiful ceramic plate and glass tumbler with cutleries.

Purukaka reached into his bag brought out a a surgical mask and covered his nose.

‘Only you should perceive the scent.’ He said when Dangoro’s eyes looked at him questioningly.

Dangoro stared helplessly at the plate of shit and glass of piss, ‘I cant do this.’

‘It’s the only way or Tijjani wins.’

With shaky hands he picked up the fork and took a small portion, he closed his eyes but the fork fell.

‘Hmmmmm let me help you.’ Purukaka said and brought out latex gloves from his bag, he took a spoonful of shit and forced Dangoro’s lips open and pushed it in.

‘Swallow.’ He commanded his hands covering Dangoro’s mouth tightly so he would not spit it out.

Dangoro was crying and shaking his head, with Purukaka’s other hand he slapped Dangoro hard on the back and instinctively he swallowed the shit and the process was repeated three more times by the time Purukaka released him he was crying like a baby.

‘Now the piss.’ Purukaka said and still forced Dangoro to take a gulp which he swallowed after he received the hard slap on his back.

‘The last part now place both your hands on the remaining shit on the plate.’

Dangoro hesitated but obeyed.

‘Now rub from your face down to your toes.’

Hesitantly he still obeyed.

‘Now pour the remaining piss on your head.’

Now crying profusely he still did it.

‘The end.’ Purukaka said.

‘Misbah!!! Come and clear this rubbish from my front.’

‘No you have to wash these utensils by yourself, it’s the only way or Tijjani will win.’

Wailing loudly Dangoro packed the plates and headed to the toilet.

 

Misbah who had been watching had a hard time controlling her laughter, she then slipped several bundles of Naira notes in Purukaka’s bag and smiled at her husband’s retreating figure.

 



30 thoughts on “Protection Charm” by Amina Idris (@ameenaedrees)

  1. Heheheheeeee! That ‘serves him too well’. It’s a pity that many of my African brothers still bear a semblance to Dangoro: and they turn their wives to manipulators or ‘winches’. The key to having a truly loyal wife is make her happy. However, most African men still live under the cloud that their women were created solely to make them happy and are not entitled to happiness themselves. Like a friend of mine would say: once am okay, my woman too is okay. This is an error because what you sow, you reap: what comes round goes round.

    1. Thanks for the read @musemussang, honestly some men are still like that.
      Wives are life partners not live in slaves.
      Hope he gets protected.

  2. So hilarious! I like this kinda revenge, sorry protection charm. In the first paragraph, Iguess you meant *children became sorely quiet and not quite.

    1. Thanks for the read @shovey, I hopes he feels protected afterwards.

  3. Amina, well done! It’s been a long, long time.

  4. Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

    This is hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing. Dangoro completely deserved it. I knew it had to be his wife.
    Thanks for making me laugh this hard.

    1. Thanks for reading @roy-journals, am glad I made you laff. :-)

  5. Loved it! Bwahahahaha!

    1. Thanks @afrochic.
      Am glad you loved it.

  6. Yeeeey,I can’t stop laughing,”my belle ooo”,choi,there is God ooo, protection charm indeed,I can see he is very protected 4rm T.J now….lmao,lwkmd,lwfm,rotf….this is so funny,really a nice piss n shit..ehh sorry,really a nice piece….love it

    1. Thanks @luwizdrizzy, let your belle no bust O!! ;-) .

  7. Excellent flash fiction! !! Every sentence made me anticipate the following sentence. This was so good. I laughed so hard. He’s even lucky that she didn’t do much worse to him. Wicked man lol

    1. @ivie9ja, Thanks a lot for this nice comment.
      I’m glad you all laughed. :-) :-)

  8. I just had to share it on my facebook page!

  9. Good job @ameenaedrees.
    Girl-power in action here. Go Misbah.
    Well done.

    1. Thanks @olajumoke, girl power in action.
      Misbah did a nice job.

  10. Nice one. I felt for him sha.Its quite bad that some men are still tyrants in their homes. Koool. Though I noticed that you did not use puntuations where they ought to appear. And I noticed some errors ;
    “Need material”, Should be” lack material”. “had gone” not “has gone”. “Gaze not gazes”. More of such hilarious stories. A mischievious bad girl, Misbah is.

  11. Nice one. I felt for him sha.Its quite bad that some men are still tyrants in their homes. Koool. Though I noticed that you did not use puntuations where they ought to appear. And I noticed some errors ;
    “Need material”, Should be” lack material”. “had gone” not “has gone”. “Gaze not gazes”. “Nepa power supply” not “take light”. More of such hilarious stories. A mischievious bad girl, Misbah is.

    1. Thanks for the correction @thaprince.
      Will take note of all those points.
      Misbah is sure mischievous.

  12. Eyya, serves him right sha, protection indeed, very funny.

    1. Thanks @raykeeyah , he got what he deserved.

  13. lmao! hilarious! Good for him. Serves him right…
    The story was lovely but there were improper use of tenses and where you should have used comma, you didn’t but in all, i loved the story.

    1. Thanks @kyceeq for the corrections.
      I’m glad you loved it.

  14. @ameenaedrees,. Lol, very funny serves him right.

  15. Hehehehehehe! protection charm in your wife’s piss and shit??
    He sure deserves it, but that cleric sef bad o…. lolz …

    1. The cleric who remembered to use latex gloves and surgical mask, he is truly bad or hired.
      Tanks @olarinoye54.

  16. Good one. Loved it.

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