I paced holes onto the floor of my living room. I had been waiting, for hours, for my wife who was supposed to take me to the airport. When I called her, she said she was almost home. That was one hour ago. I loved her but that woman could never keep to time to save her life.
It seemed like just another ordinary Wednesday, one which I had to travel to Johannesburg for just another trip. I and Esther had been married for two years now and she was already three months pregnant with our first child. It wasn’t up to a week I had spent in Abuja, before my office demanded this trip.
My phone beeped and I saw a text from her that read, “I’m almost home.”
Anticipation soon turned to worry as I began pacing again and I checked my watch for the umpteenth time. I just had an hour till departure time and the airport was a good thirty minute drive from our house. Some minutes later, Esther sauntered in through the front door.
Her face held dread that I had never seen before and she looked weary. I rushed to her side. That was when I noticed her back was damp with sweat and her blouse was stained with something that looked a lot like blood. My eyes went wide in bewilderment. “Esther?”
She looked at me, her eyes pooling with tears, and said “Fola, I swear, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to…”
“What are you talking about? What do you mean? Is the baby okay?” I flooded.
“The baby’s fine…” She burst into tears. I led her to the settee and held her for a while.
After some moments, she leaned back. “I was on my way back, when I decided to stop by the market, you- you know how I am. As I was coming out, there was this mallam that was seriously following me and- and I was becoming panicked.” She pursed her lips, “Then, he, suddenly, moved towards me and I grabbed the knife that I just bought and stabbed him.” She began sobbing again, “I swear, Fola, I- I thought he was Boko Haram.”
I was getting nervous. This was not the way to start a new month. “Esther! Why would Boko Haram be after you now?” it was ridiculous.
“I tried to help him but- but people were coming and-” She sniffed, “I don’t know if he’s dead.”
I stood up and began pacing. My mind was racing; there was no way I was going anywhere now. She was fond of getting in trouble but this was too much.
Just then, I glanced at her and saw her smile. “Esther? What’s so funny?”
At that moment, she burst into a fit of laughter. I just stared at her, confused.
“Remember last year? With the bomb scare?” She said between breaths. Realization settled on my face as she finally said, “Happy April Fool’s day Baby!”