Memoirs Of a Moron

Memoirs Of a Moron

The memoirs of a moron…

A girl and a young man who was anxious to fall in love. And as such our character met his girl. The minute he set eyes on her, all he could think of was dating her. He was so much in love with the girl. He did his research. He blabbered to his friends about her and got teased. He made up his mind. He had to date her. A number of IMs, phone calls and web pages later, he found out about the department of the girl, got her blackberry pin, and her twitter handle. She was a smart one. The type that aced the class, she had natural prowess with the books. Wale started “setting P”.

He added her on his BBM and after answering all the expected “where did u get my pin and so on” questions, Wale became close friends with the girl. He checked on her every day they became BBM buddies. The feelings reciprocated. The girl began to fall in love. And then He figured it was time for him to make his big move.

Unfortunately for him, when he asked her out, the girl had a trip to Togo and the guy was going to London. So the girl asked the boy to follow her to Togo to talk about his proposal. The boy totally loved the girl with all his heart and he could forfeit anything for her. He agreed to go to Togo with her.

She agreed to date him concluding that for him to forfeit his trip for her then the love must be real. They started dating. She was very intelligent and didn’t want to date anyone less so she started asking him about his grades. He knew she was a smart girl and wouldn’t want to date anyone less so he told her that he had high grades. I bet she actually said in her mind this is the right guy. Was he? They started dating. It was going on fine. They started calling themselves pet names. Both of them being Yoruba indigenes their pet names were “Ayanfemi and Ololufemi”.

The relationship was still going on fine until when she got to find out some things about him.  She found out that her bf was a liar not an ordinary one but a deadly one. He lies about everything. The girl became to doubt if the guy speaks the truth at all. She found out that her bf wasn’t as smart as she was told. Guess because of the love she had for him, when he told her about his grades she didn’t have to find out about his grades.

She called him and said she wanted to see him that night. They met that night and she still really angry with him. She didn’t give him a chance to greet her before she started spilling everything with annoyance. I doubt if the guy heard anything she said but I’m very sure he heard when she said ‘I AM DONE WITH YOU WALE’. She couldn’t trust him no more. So she thought it best to get out from the relationship.

When he heard that he was shocked and dumbfounded for a while. But as a chronic liar and deceiver an idea popped into his head. Immediately he fell down on his knees and started crying. He was putting on a straight and serious face. She tried not to look at him so she wouldn’t pity him but she couldn’t resist she was totally in love with the guy.

She pulled him up from his knees, sat him down and she also sat down. They were both in silence for a while but she decided to break the silence. She asked him why he lied to her. Immediately he broke into tears again and she started begging him to stop crying. Wale was about to do his thing again. Deceive the world.

She asked him why he was crying then wale started his story with a sad face. He started with a rhetorical question. Do u think I’m happy as I lied to you? It wasn’t my fault. I’m not dumb. He said this time last year my grades were high I was very intelligent. I was sick for a while and when I went to the hospital the doctor said I will need to have a kidney transplant.

My parents didn’t agree on this so we didn’t do it last year. I came back to school. I couldn’t face my studies all I could think of was the operation. I didn’t want to do it but it kept on disturbing me. I couldn’t read and that’s how my grades began to drop. Wale had to perfect the lies. So as he was saying his stories he broke in tears again. She held his hands and said ‘My Love please stop crying’. She wiped the tears off his face and Wale continued with his stories. My grades fell drastically and I couldn’t pick them up again no matter how hard I try.

She had pity on him and said you should have told me this earlier on. Wale responded in a sober voice I didn’t know how to tell you and I also didn’t want to bug you with my problems. All I needed to find was love and that was when you came around. Wale stop saying that, she responded. Your problems are my problems. We are in it together. I love u Wale’ *

Wale smiled. She started apologizing for everything she has said and wale kept on saying ‘it’s okay dear; I’m the one at fault’. She kissed Wale and bid him goodbye. Wale escorted her to her hostel and walked back to his hostel feeling like a boss.

That night, she called him several times to check on him and make sure he was okay. Wale was so happy not knowing it was still going to bounce back. Their relationship was going on smoothly until one Sunday afternoon when Wale’s phone ringed with the normal Wizkid’s ‘dance for me’ ringtone.

Wale danced small and stretched to get his phone, checked who was calling and it was ‘Ayanfemi’ that was how wale stored Biodun’s name on his phone. Wale cleared his throat and picked his call. The conversation started with wale saying ‘hey love, the talked talked and talked laughed laughed and laughed, until one moment when ‘Ayanfemi’ asked him a question that he will prefer to be dead than answer the question.

She asked him about his kidney transplant and the operation. Wale was shocked. He didn’t know what to say but all he knew was that he had to say something.

He told her that he went to see his doctor that he said he had to go on with the operation and the transplant. He even asked her if she could give him a kidney. She was shocked and dumbfounded. She didn’t talk. They ended the conversation. Wale didn’t know what to do again. After like 2weeks he called her and told her to forget about donating kidney that he had seen someone that will donate for him.

He told her that he was going for the operation the following week that she should pray for him. Biodun really loved Wale. She was so bothered about him. She kept on praying for him and crying at different occasions. She cried almost every time because she couldn’t imagine the love of her life dead. Next week came and went. Biodun decided to go and see him after he told her that he had survived the operation and he was okay.

He thought Biodun will have forgotten about the operation and will only ask questions about how the operation.  He didn’t know she was going to ask more. She got to Wale’s house, she cooked for him, and she was taking care of him believing he was someone that survived an operation and needed serious attention. They ate in silence until when she decided to break the silence and ask him about his surgery.

Wale kept on his game because he knew he couldn’t quit. In a calm voice he said “We Thank God”. After they finished eating, Biodun asked him to show her the mark of the operation. “GHEN GHEN GHEN GHEN”. There is a problem. Wale didn’t know what to do, he started shaking and sweating profusely. He didn’t know what to do. Biodun asked him again thinking he didn’t hear the first time. Wale couldn’t do anything.

The smart boy ran out of ideas. Wow!!! Karma is a Bitch. Wale was trapped. All his lies had to end that moment. He had to speak the truth. Wale decided to man up and tell her the truth. He told her that he didn’t go through any surgery that he lied.

Biodun was mesmerized. She was lost. She had been living in lies all this while. Her relationship was a lie. Even wale is lie. She was sad and disappointed. She left wale’s house in tears. She had been deceived and thrown around like a fool. She was upset, thwarted, disillusioned. She ended the relationship with wale that day and wasn’t ready to listen to any explanation. She found it hard to believe any boy.

Wale started sending people to beg her, but she refused. She was played. She believed wale could kill. That was how wale jeopardized the love someone had for him for lies.




2 thoughts on “Memoirs Of a Moron” by Aikomo Oluwanifemi (@mraikomo)

  1. Nice try. A few tense errors though and you could do more to make your story sound more believable as a whole.

  2. I think this is just the start of a serialized memoir abi?

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