Last Stand

I stood there eyes closed, sword in hand. My black hand had turn red, blood driping down my sword onto something, or rather into someone.
I have always wished to be as brave as the spartans, but my way does not permit that. I fight to live, not to die.

Everywhere i turn to i see bodies, bodies of men who thought the greatest act of all is dying for their country, their people, their family and themselves. But what good is the greatest act? When am lying under the enimies spear.

I walk around the bodies, careful not to step on anyone as a sign of respect. I grab our flag and face the rising sun, asking myself where my last stand will be. But for now my destination is my obligation.



11 thoughts on “Last Stand” by Oyeniji Sadeeq (@Bookfreez)

  1. Not bad. Try to focus on punctuation, and writing poetry like poetry. It had the ring of a prose in it. But generally, you made your point. Generally, I was touched.

    Kudos

    1. @amarachi the world is changing, the writing world for one, so we need to move with the time and you personaly need to own a blog.

  2. You’re right. But I’m wondering why you pointed that out

    1. Sorry Kiddo, i took offence in your words. @amarachi

  3. I’m sorry if I got you angry. That’s how I am. I expect people to criticize me constructively. A lot of times I try to do so too, to help, not to show off at all. I’ll soon be putting up stories. Then you’ll see how I’ll go about it. I’ll virtually call on all the NS community to tell me what’s wrong that I can improve on. I’ll stress on the fact that I don’t want an ego massage. Give it to me straight in the face. But the fact I like it that way doesn’t mean that’s the way everybody likes it. I should have taken that into consideration. I’m not perfect. When I write and you see an opportunity for me to do better, please feel free to call my attention to it.

    I’m sorry if I got you offended. Wasn’t my intention. Next time I’ll personally inbox you what I think. Except if you object to that as well.

    Hope you are having fun this Christmas period?

    Compliments of the season.

    1. @Amarachi , I feel exactly the same way. Posting on open writing sites should be done with the aim of getting genuine feedback, comments telling me what to do better. Not ones, like “This character sha suffered ohh. May she rest in peace”. (Although, they make me laugh sometimes.)

      Feedback makes everyone better.

      I am blunt and not sure how people would take the criticism, so I shut up and shake my head behind my computer/phone screen.

      Also, I noticed you went round commenting some weeks ago and it would be a honor to have you “yay” or “nay” my stories.

      You seem like a good critic. I would appreciate blunt comments on my stories.

  4. Hahaaa… @Amarachi

    Man, dude chill… Lol. Life’s short and you only live once. Trust me, @Bookfreez meant no offence. I’m sure he only meant that with a blog you could write as deeply about any topic as you wish. I’m sure he was impressed by your view. How many writers have the stamina to host a blog? I guess it was a compliment

    As for inboxing your views, I think that kills the entire purpose of the site. Other budding writers won’t learn if no mistakes in what they read are pointed out. Trust me i’ve received my own fair share of unpleasant comments. Personally I feel you should keep commenting. After all, nobody forces anyone to post entries here, and I think any article on here is fair game to everyone’s views.

    Keep at it. I like your style.

    1. Touche @anak adrian

    2. You seem to know what to say always, @anakadrian Thanks for reading.

    3. @anakadrian , my view exactly. You hit the nail on the head.

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