I’d likely compare her to a half-eaten candy bar, Cadbury to be precise, not really sure why I would, but I just would… maybe it’s because I’m being left to finish what another man started, or maybe it’s just cuz I like chocolate bars, irrespective of whether they’ve been partially eaten or not, I can’t really say.

Despite the fact tho, I’m still appreciative of the other guy’s efforts to leave some of the chocolatey goodness I call my crush behind, at least for me to get a good taste of her before she melts away, or something like that.

But, this female I speak of is barely aware of my existence as a person, which of course I find vaguely insulting. The only place where we’ve had any pseudo-physical contact is in my head, just my head. I’ve kissed her on multiple occasions there, we even had triplets at a point in time, but then about 12 fantasies or so down the line, I saw myself dodging child support, go figure…

I really like this girl, or woman, or whatever she qualifies as, but presently, I’m a slave to my own thoughts. I seem to be so satisfied with the idea of triple jumping from one thought bubble to another, seeking solace in the concept of a hypothetical union between the both of us, that I find it hard to start a real one… Well that and the obvious fact that she’s drop-dead gorgeous, so I probably don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting her to acknowledge my presence for anything more than a nanosecond if that isn’t asking too much, talkless of expressing my feelings for her… Even if I were to reincarnate as a Dwayne Johnson/Denzel Washington/Mike Ealey mega-hybrid, which would be tantamount to genetic embezzlement, her answer would most likely still be a flat-out “NO”, regardless of how visually appealing I may be…’s a mere speculation tho, but I’m hardly optimistic.

This is what I’m faced with. My inability to approach the girl I admire, tell her how I feel, and patiently wait for either a show of acceptance or a show of indifference, whichever comes first. But sometimes, I genuinely wonder (I do that sometimes) whether I’d actually receive perpetual gratification from the fact that I actually did manage to bag her, if I ever do… So I ask myself, is it possible that longing for something, is in actual fact better than having it ? I’ve heard it said that satisfaction is the death of desire; and logically, when desire dies, ennui sets in… and when ennui sets in, you tend to seek satisfaction emotionally or otherwise, where and whence you can…am I right? Which could lead to all sorts of nasty stuff like; unspecified venereal diseases, insults, tears, more tears, Taylor Swift’s entire discography mysteriously finding its way into your music library, distrust, broken hearts, broken arms, stitches, compound fractures, alimony, and a lot of other physically and psychologically damaging things. So I ask myself again, am I better off staying restricted within the confines of my cranium, flirting with every unlikely thought that pops in my head, or should I just go for broke, tell her how I feel, and watch what happens? Once again, I have no idea …Questions like these are better answered while under the influence, say after 8 rounds of Whiskey, or better yet 10… matter fact, make that a 12…………. or 13, maybe 14.

Obviously, my unwillingness to approach her is what seems to be holding my interest; she seems unattainable, and naturally, humans beings will always want what they can’t have. But again, of what significance is the interest I have in her if I’m not willing to follow up on it? In the long run, my quote and unquote feelings for her’ll simply amount to nothing more than a means to sustain myself internally, and also as an avenue for me to save myself from emotional boredom… for the most part.

I don’t really know, but I think for now, I’ll just kick it in my head, everything looks, sounds, and feels a lot safer in there…until a time when nature would be so gracious as to lend me a pair of balls that weigh somewhere between 30 and 40 pounds or thereabout, or at least just something heavy enough to break the ice, I’ll simply be floating through the clouds, waiting for gravity to act upon my meagre frame and either make me fall in love or back to reality…till then

11 thoughts on “Relatable…” by six (@six)

  1. ufuoma otebele (@ufuomaotebele)

    Awww this was so sincerely written. I felt your pain or his pain. I don’t make it easy on guys either but!! there is still hope. When you stop chasing her, she will come to you but in my case tho, when you stop chasing I just let it drop like that take it as a sign from GOD. But for what you said about this particular girl she has seen alot of men!! yeah so your chase might just be a normal thing to her.

    But wait, you said even if you turned into a Michael Ealy she would still say NO! does this babe have eyes?? Mr Ealy is one fine man!!!! maybe shes seen or dated too many bus conductors she doesn’t know when a good thing is good for example you…

  2. Hehehehe, thanks Ufuoma…but remember, the story was totally fictional. I just tried to use the first person narrative or whatever you guys call it to make it sound more realistic. Girls’ll naturally play hard to get, but I just wanted to make this one look unimaginably hard to get… And that statement was actually supposed to read-“Even if I were to reincarnate as a Dwayne Johnson (slash) Denzel Washington (slash) Mike Ealy mega-hybrid”… i.e., a combo of the three of ’em, which is just plain crazy. Thanks again for stopping by Ufuoma. @ufuomaotebele

  3. This is totally Relatable. The things that go on in our minds. The danger in this is, IF, and only IF the relationship becomes feasible sometimes in the future, your expectations of how perfect its supposed to be (as you’ve thought in your head) might lower the joy you’ll get from the union. Well, just saying.
    Nice piece

  4. Muchas gracias @Hextophar .Thank GOD you used ‘sometimes’, ‘cuz some relationships actually get better with time, no spouse loses interest, but it’s rare I guess.

  5. kingdavid (@kevweodogun)

    i know this very well, satisfaction is the death of desire

  6. kingdavid (@kevweodogun)

    im reading this again for inspiration

  7. kingdavid (@kevweodogun)

    i want to write a love letter and an unlove letter, so to set the emotionally depressed and sensitive mood, im going to message that girl whom i have had an obsessive crush on since 2012, she kills my morale and depresses me… so i will be in the write mooshy state of mind to pour out my feelings

    1. Ufuoma Otebele (@ufuomaotebele)

      Oya write the letter let us read.

      1. kingdavid (@kevweodogun)

        lol im on it

  8. @kevweodogun , I’d like to see that

  9. message ufuoma, I dey school

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