Temple Run!!!

Temple Run!!!

Note : This you are about to read is being written from behind the desk of a psychologist, where I’m trying to allay my shock and excitement over the past days by putting down my experience in the virtual world, again, as the story is too beautiful to be told.


“Run! Run!! Run!!! Its gonna get you” screamed my partner. “I can’t take this anymore” I shot back, “if only you had listened to me, we wouldn’t be in this situation now. I’ve been at this for days and all you could do is just make it worse”. That was me, shouting back at Guy Dangerous, yeah, the one and only Guy Dangerous of Temple Run I and II, who was leading me through the jungle of Humo’ad as we were trying to escape the giant killer-monkey.One would think that after my previous near-death encounter in the virtual world of software {refer to the article ‘The GTA Experience’ for more details}, I wouldn’t dare venture into such again but my subconscious love and zeal for adventure just wouldn’t let me be after the first taste of the ‘programming cake’ and now, I’m in the world of Temple Run.
Let me spare you the details of how I got here this time around. *slight pause* . Come on, you really want to know that too? Okay, here goes — I was walking down the street to the road, heavily texting and laughing at some tweets so much that I didn’t know when I got to the road, got ‘connected’ to a car and fell unconscious, then my subconscious miraculously landed me in this beautiful but cursed game land. Okay, now that you know it, be patient while I share my experiences.

Temple Run : Brave

I looked around me. There was vast, lush and luxuriant vegetation. No one was within eyesight and there were lots of gold coins scattered around. Then I saw a figure approaching from afar. It was that of a girl who was running very fast, apparently being chased by something. Then as she neared me, I saw what she was running from, it was a big bear (which I later knew to be called Mor’du). The large, hideous figure was trying to keep up pace with this girl. I took to my heels too and started off in the opposite direction, each junction giving me an option of ways to choose from. I ran, and ran, and ran. Before long, she caught up with me and we kept running. “What the hell do you think you’re doing here” she asked me. Amidst pants and gasps, I replied “I don’t know how I even got here in the first place”. “What?!? What’s your name?”
“I’m Larry, you?”
I was starting to get comfortable with her at this time. I let my mind wander off the running onto her.
“You look pretty, Merida”
“Shut up and run, you fool! Now we’ve got to focus on getting you out of here”
(Erm, I think that means she likes me)
“What about you? You’re not gonna get out? You want to be taken by this mean, grizzly bastard?” That was me, trying to nurture my bruised ego. Calling that bear a bastard seemed to get her angry though, as she didn’t reply me. We became good friends along the way (judging by the fact that she did all the archery for me, got all coins and even bought me some cool power ups :D )
Merida showed me a gateway at another turn and vanished through the other side, still running. One wonders why she doesn’t want to leave that god-forsaken jungle. I took the gateway, expecting to land into my own planet earth again, but unfortunately, that led me into the world of OZ

Temple Run : OZ

Like magic (which it obviously is) I ended up in the same cave with Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmanuel Ambroise Diggs (the name is long abi? I wonder who his parents were), the Wizard of Oz himself and I must admit, he made sorcery some cool stuff. (Lest I forget, he awesomely fashioned things out of think air like beers, cigars, pornogr– . Erm, let’s not divert from the main story)
Same old, same old. He told me some birdy-monsters were waiting for us outside and as soon as we got out, I must run without looking back. Immediately, we started running. Wiz Oscar even took me for a ride in the hot-air balloon ( and it would have been soooo cool, save for the hot pursuit we were getting). We raced the four worlds, each with its beauty and distinctiveness. I must truthfully admit that during our first transition between worlds, the tornado scared me so much, I peed in my pants. *covers face*
Wizard Oscar did more for me than I could ever thank him for. He saved me from cliffhangers many times, treated my sore foot when I got injured by an exotic plant and even conjured up some cool wings for me when I got tired. What a friend I’ve got in Oscar! Eleven hours into running, he casted a weak binding spell on the birds at our heels, opened a portal into another land and told me to seek out Guy Dangerous. He bade me farewell and pushed me through the portal

Temple Run I – Temple Run II

I found myself in a temple. The temple was so large and serenely beautiful. It had a very wide dome-shaped ceiling and marble-covered floors. There were various writings on the wall, all of which I couldn’t decipher as well as thick green vegetation growing out of those walls also. I heard the distant dripping of water, and I inferred that a river must be nearby. The temple was starting to creep me out and my chances of seeing Guy Dangerous before I died seemed thin at the moment.
“Hey!” I screamed, “anyone here?”. The only reply I got for my efforts was the echoing and re-echoing of my question as it bounced off the walls of the temple. I made to let out another yell when a big and powerful hand covered up my mouth.
“Do not scream or wimp” breathed my attacker into my ears, “state your mission here”
“I’m Larry. Oscar sent me here to find Guy Dangerous. I was told he’s the guy to get me out of here”. The grip on my mouth lessened and finally came off at this. I looked back at my attacker and it was none other than my saviour-to-be, Guy.
“What are you doing here?” He inquired
“I don’t know” I replied truthfully, “what about you?”
“I’m looking for an artefact”
“What does it look like?”
“Its an idol, not all of it, just the head”
“What?!? You came all the way down here to look for –” I stopped short mid-sentence. A sudden fear of realisation hit me. I didn’t know how, but I knew what would happen next. Guy was still roaming about with a map.
“Abandon your search. Something bad’s gonna happen if you take that idol”
“Nothing’s gonna happen”
“I mean it, believe me”
I hadn’t completed my sentence before a scream of ‘Eureka’ rent the air. He found the idol head. Before I could stop him, he unhooked the head from its stand. Almost immediately, the ground began to shake violently, we heard the dropping of some chains and a loud roar. Fear gripped me as I looked back to see a giant killer monkey (that arrogant fool. If only he had listened to me). It stretched to its full size, towered very high above us and started for us («– something tells me that’s King Kong’s daddy). Then again, Temple Run!
Another race began. My fatigue eluded me almost immediately as I started after the already running Guy Dangerous.
Every ridge we slid under, every river we flew over, every fire we avoided and every rolling saw we evaded, the monkey was always at our heels. I blamed myself for not taking more effort in cautioning the arrogant explorer. We got to a part where we had to run on planks. Guy took my hand and off we jumped (unfortunately, he never gave me my share of the coins collected). That was how I jumped back to life.
In the real world, three days had passed. I was sweating profusely when I woke up. Unfortunately, no one believed my story when I told it, they all think I’m crazy…

I remain @howolarbi_ , please don’t think I’m crazy too.. Thanks. :D

6 thoughts on “Temple Run!!!” by Hextophar (@Hextophar)

  1. ufuoma otebele (@ufuomaotebele)

    Geez!! I didn’t know there were that much versions of Temple Run…. the game is annoying to me. I’ve downloaded and deleted it so many times off phone.

    I loved how you went into the minds of the players… just like how they would feel or speak or think while playing the fame. I loved your analysis of the Brave version.

    Nice read… very unusual write up.

    1. @ufuomaotebele Lol. There are really lots of versions to the game. The love for it actually made me write this. Got to about 36M Score once :D . Thanks for reading the ‘unusual’ piece

  2. See, car for knock you down for road….this is fuckingly nice and good as a stress reliever *stretching my hands*

    An interesting piece @Hextophar :)

    1. Lol @innoalifa I’m glad I relieved you of stress

  3. I’ve never been able to make it past the first ten seconds of any Temple run I happened to play on any of my friends phones. Have you tried flappy bird? Maddening.

  4. bunmiril (@bunmiril)

    Those of us that know nothing but the name about the game are lost on this one.

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