“Aunty! . . Aunty!!”
Gloria neglected the young man trudging behind her. She knew he must be one of those guys who often feel they can easily get what they see. Whatever he was thinking, Gloria wasn’t ready to present herself too cheap to his call. She kept run-walking as she felt good that the man behind was persistent. Her looks were irresistible, and she had worn a tight black gown that revealed her features perfectly. Every man in the bus she had just alighted from wished she was theirs.
“Aunty, that man dey call you.” A young boy walking towards her, said pointing, as soon as he observed the scene.
“What is your own business?” Gloria muttered quietly so that the man behind would not hear. The boy winced and cursed under his breath, as he watched her walk ahead. Gloria had not gone too far when she heard what the boy said to the man, “Sir, you too don’t worry. Let her be. She would not answer you.”
The man neglected the boy’s advise, “You can’t understand. Me, a whole AGM, whatever I want done must be done.”
Gloria’s eyes widened, ‘An AGM? An Assistant General Manager?’She smiled as she kept moving ahead. She became more keen to see how determined the man was, to get her.
‘AGM without a car!’ One old man who had also been watching the scene observed loudly, and mocked Ness with a scoff. Gloria suddenly realized the truth in what the old man said, if the desperate man was actually an Assistant General Manager, he ought to have a car.
Ness kept running along, making the man hurry along too, to see where it all ends.
“I parked my Benz some few metres away from here. I really need to get this damsel’s attention.” He replied without stopping, “Aunty! Aunty!! Sister!!!”
“Well then,” the man remarked, “we should hurry up to meet her.”
“Aunty! Sister! Aunty! Sister!!” Both men called as they walked in hurried steps panting tiredly.
Seeing that they were almost getting to her, Gloria turned leftwards and kept walking in the narrow street. ‘So he has a car.’ She smiled. ‘Hurry man, you’d soon get me!’ She reduced her steps.
With a few more steps. Both Ness and the old man caught up with her.
She could hear their steps very close by, and then a smile cut across her face, as she expected a tap.
“Auntyyyy, I have been calling you for long naw.” Ness lamented. Gloria turned round with a smile.
“Yes? What can I do for you?”
Ness frowned, “Sorry sister, you were not the one I was calling.” He didn’t wait any longer. He kept moving forward very fast, shouting ‘Aunty, Aunty!’ at no one in particular.
Gloria felt extremely disappointed. She squeezed her face and hurried after Ness who took to his heels.
‘Brother! Brother!! Uncle!!!’ She ran after him.
The old man staggered around a spot laughing hilariously. “So, she was not the one he was calling. And she dey demo like say na she be the Queen of the world.”
After Ness had raced for a few minutes, he stopped and allowed her to walk up to him. She wanted to scold him for his negative deed, but she remembered that she was about castigating an AGM. So she cautioned her actions instantly.
“Bros.” She said as she tapped his shoulder.’
“Yes?” Ness turned around with a tired grin and feigned surprise instantly, “Ohh you! I have been looking for you for soo long.”
She smiled, and thanked God in her heart that she hadn’t been hostile in her speech, “What is it sir?”
“Your purse!” Ness panted. The lady became disorientated, as she clutched every part of her body instantly to confirm that it wasn’t missing.
When she could not find it on her, she was very grateful that the gentle man had helped her with it, “Thanks”, she was saying, until Ness said.
“It fell when you came off the bus, and I wanted to pick it up for you but I am afraid that people would call me a thief, so I left it.”
“But -” She stammered bewilderedly.
Ness frowned regretfully, “I even saw a boy pick it up and open it, the boy counted the money in it and took three N500 notes.”
“Aye mi ooo, Mogbeee! That’s all I have there.”
“Noo, I watched as the boy contemplated taking your ATM card along too, but he dropped that and your purse in the bus.”
“Jeez! But you should have alerted me immediately!!!’ She protested angrily.
“I was calling you but you did not answer me. Maybe you thought I liked you, hehehehe”
Ness’ laughter was very stupid and untimely, but Gloria tried to overlook it. Her brain made some calculations quickly, and she spoke with a second thought.
“Okay. Please, let us take your Benz to the bus park together. I believe that my card should still be in that bus. Once we get to the park, we should locate it quickly.”
“Benz?” Ness inquired.
“Yes. Your Benz, the one you parked in Ayegun.”
“Ahahahaha. Many people use Mercedes Benz, but I am always proud of my Legedis Benz.”
“Legedis Benz?” She inquired embarrassingly.
“Yes!” Ness boasted, “‘LEG-HEAD-IS BENZ’”. (Meaning ‘my Legs and Head is my benz’).
Yes! It is also Benz na.” Ness watched with scorn as the lady paled with anger, embarrassment and melancholy all at the same time.
“Oh my God! Why didn’t I notice? My ATM, my I.D card, my Voters card, my. . .”
Ness laughed, “Don’t worry, where there is life, there is hope.”
“You foolish man. A whole AGM that doesn’t have a car. Mtchewww!”
Ness smiled, “Well, my AGM is simply A Gentle Man. I don’t care whatever you assume. I care only about what I say and mean. Shikena”
“You worthless bastard!” Gloria yelled. She turned around angrily, and headed absent mindedly towards the bus park where she hoped to get the particular bus she had earlier boarded. As she started the long walk, even she knew that it was an impossible search.
“Sister!” Ness called. Gloria didn’t wait for the second call before she turned around instantly. “Please give me your password, just in case I find the purse before you.”
Gloria laughed uncontrollably, a laughter that didn’t depict happiness at all – Here was the greatest bastard of all time cracking the most stupid and impossible joke. But she didn’t need to get angry after all many wrong things have happened already, ‘only be smarter’ She thought and yelled “My password is four asterisks!”
“Do you mean *-*-*-*!”
“Yes, you idiot.” She replied as she turned back to go.
Ness ran to her, and offered her a little red cotton material; it was the same colour of her purse. When she collected it quickly, she discovered it was her purse. She opened it and found the whole content complete and untouched. Gloria was beyond amazed. Too amazed to open her mouth and say ‘thanks’.
“Now, shall we walk up to my Benz 190 which I parked in Ayegun?” Ness said with a serious face.
“Are you serious?!” She screamed with utter excitement.
‘You’ll wish!’ Ness thought quietly to himself as she followed him quickly, her hands curving around his neck with beaming smiles.