#loaug – Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl Episode 4

These ones in my room don’t even seem like they missed me, for them, it would be better if I never came to school at all. As soon as I dropped my bags and picked my phone to check updates, I fell asleep, waking up with an headache. Guess who came knocking on my door synchronizing to make “Wizkid’s don’t dull” beat with the ones in my head, Ridwan. Thank God for the headache, it just was at perfect timing to get the whole act running.

“How are you feeling now?” He asked

“Just this headache but I’m getting better”

“Sorry I couldn’t make it, how was your term paper?” I replied putting on my most sorry face.

“Just there jare but I’m still sorry about the way I talked the other day.” He apologized and we talked a little. I  still believe that visit had something to do with Liz or rather Liz’s mouth* matter for another day*. I escorted him out of the hostel making to buy Panadol for my headache where I met Chike [funny how you don’t know that some people really exist until you meet them personally]. He seemed rather cheerful. Only if he knows the wahala he has caused.

I silently hoped it wasn’t Bola when Jolomi, my roommate, told me that I had pings because I still didn’t have an answer to ‘Lines, what do you think?’ question she would obviously ask me. I heaved a sigh of relief when I discovered there were all status updates, Bola had changed her PM “Why me? Just so confused” I felt her pain and wanted to call her but I couldn’t even think of soothing words to say at that moment.

I said a quick prayer not to see Bola as I walked past the faculty car park the next morning.

“Omotolani, Tolani” I heard Bola call closely behind me just as I was beginning to feel the ease of escape . My heart and the gymnastics it does nowadays ehn.

“Are you free now? We need to talk in the car”, she continued. Without waiting for an answer, she turned towards the car park. Like a child who wronged her mother, I ‘mumudly’ followed her.

“It is not like that o, I have been …..” she cut in before I could finish.

“I don’t know, this one” she said stuttering in the middle of her words.

“What happened?”

“You can’t believe that Chike is engaged in fact far from engaged, ha has a baby mama”

“Who told you? How did you know?”

“He doesn’t even have the slightest hint that I like him, he was telling me about his baby mama on Sunday and how he is not sure if he still loves her anymore but  has to manage because of  his daughter”, she managed to say before sobbing profusely.

She was about to start lamenting when I began to tease her “see you o, people will kill to have what you have: fine babe, nice ride, crème and proper”. I continued by lamenting about the life of an ugly girl from the ‘you fight lion’ invective to not having a boyfriend in secondary school till the one that was always ashamed to talk to me in public or the Ibadan accent in my English when I first came to school. Once I was able to get her laughing, we drove down to my hostel stabbing all other lectures for that day. Thank God, Jolomi was around, as soon as I told her my friend needed to laugh, she took off (I tell you “I go die” as nothing on this babe) we laughed so hard that we lost count of time.

“Shey you go crash with Bola so make them Ibadan rats find you go there small” Jolomi said as Bola decided to take her leave. I could sensed that Bola might sink into depression if she sleeps alone that night so I proposed to her a sleep over, she obliged and we had such a fun night, laughing, taking turns at yabbing each other till we all fell asleep. The rest of the week saw Bola coming over and doing “hostel tour” as she called it; sleeping around from Viv room to Liz’s room ending to tour at my room.

“Tola, move in with me now” she said rather casually making me laugh at it. “I’m serious ooo, sometimes I just feel lonely, chatting on my BB, If you and I stay together it would be more fun abi what do you think…?”

I thought it nice but after giving it a second thought, I refused. I’d rather be the “be-there-when-you-call, in-car-or-okada, kind of friend. More so, the noise, craziness, entropy of the hostel always help me remember assignments undone; test to read for and the drama that goes on in this hostel are best seen rather than heard (not gossips o).


I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, “probably some person retweeting or some stupid BC”, I thought without losing focus on Prof Aigbe as he explained the USP from the curve on the marker board.

“Damn! These people should leave me alone,” I said as I fished the phone out of my pocket to at least see who the witches in my village sent to me this time. Elizabeth.

“And with that, we should call it a day, Thursday, 10am is the time, Good day class” Prof Aigbe grabbed  his books, clung them close to his chest before carefully sauntering out.

Liz, that miss boss


Where you dey?


When you decide to use the dildo with one hand and check your pings with the other, you would ping me ooo!

“Mtchew, can this girl ever be serious?” I replied her pings; they were all at Forks and Fingers, little wonder. I didn’t have breakfast so brunch wasn’t such a bad idea.

I walked in on them, talking or rather Liz talking and the others listening so closely that they didn’t notice me seat behind them.

“Lines when you come ?” Viv asked

“Since when AIT here has decided to extend Kaakakii till afternoon,” I said pointing at Liz.

“Ode, you finally left the dildo, abeg did you wash your hands sha? Before you touch anything” she always had a reply.

“Mumu, I was in Prof Aigbe’s ….” She cuts in

“Office, wow! How was the hand job or was it a blowjob?”

“I was in class, mumu, what’s happening jare” I said turning to visibly amused Bola and Viv.

“Una two no go kill una self, besties” Viv said amidst laughter.

Just as we were about to place orders, T-barz, the faculty’s social secretary walked in. “just the people, I want to see,” He said with his gaze fixed on us.

“Wassup, the thing is the nominee list for the faculty dinner is out but yet to be printed” he started. No way was he going to ask for donations. “You guys are nominated for the female clique category but I couldn’t find the clique name for you babes.” We all stared at each other.

Truth is we have always been friends since our first year in school but we have never thought of ourselves as a clique not talk of naming it.

P.S: I am a writer although I might not be able to tell my story adeptly but I can do that completely and truthfully.

4 thoughts on “#loaug – Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl Episode 4” by mobolaji oluwabi (@embIjay)

  1. Nalongo (@Nalongo)

    You have some small editorial mistakes.

  2. mobolaji oluwabi (@embIjay)

    These things are like rumples on an well-pressed agbada,u can take all of them out. Not making excuse for them tho! I Would try to do more proof reading before postIng. Thanks for reading!

  3. nice anyways

  4. Thoughtfulsams (@Thoughtfulsams)

    Good write-up.

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