“My name is… Well, I don’t even know who I am any longer, I could give an identity and be referred to yet a different ward.” The man at the other side of the desk nodded briefly & adjusted his bulk in the white lab coat with an ‘MLT’ inscribed lapel. Extensive research by virtue of his profession had taught him not to interrupt sessions like this.

“Go on”

“I’ve been subjected to defying several natural laws as regards my age, name, parents & even my body…. You don’t have to give me that look, I can sense what’s behind the mask” the other man remained mute.

“Are you listening to me at all?”

“Who subjected you to defying several natural laws?” Silence fell in the large beautifully designed windowless room that contained a desk, two chairs & water dispenser only. A door served as entrance & exit of the Air Conditioned tight room while the bright lights were such that you could visualise the pore were the next strand of your arm hair would emanate from.

“Of course yes, I forgot, they all listen but never believes, I’m only talking because I want to.” Still no reply

“My name is Mathew, Mathew Adisa, I was a co owner of Baldisa Pharmaceutical LTD. I’m pretty sure the file before you says something different, that my name is Olukemi Olaolu, I’m 6 years old, blah! Blah!! Blah!!! Well, how can a six year old speak like this? Its none of my business if the Dumb choose to stay dumb though, I’ve accepted my faith, all I want now is to be done with all you doctors & return to my acclaimed parents. Its best with them than here” he bowed his head, trying to hide the tears that had formed in his eyes but to no avail. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, more tears rolled out, so he used his shirt & dabbed his eyes while the other man just sat there starring at him, whereas from his breast pocket protrude a handkerchief.

“Do you know you’re wicked? Of all the Doctors that has had a session with me, you’re the meanest. Courtesy demands you at least show some sympathy”

“you stopped at BPL, do you wish to continue? Or is that the end? I wouldn’t mind taking my leave”

“What! Just fuck off! You are a disgrace to the medical profession, what rubbish!” The other man gathered up the file on the table, stood up to take his leave & paused at the door when he heard

“wait first! Did you say BPL?”


“you mean its still in existence?” He asked excitedly in a reassuring mood

“are you now ready to help me help you?” He frowned again

“in as much as I hate your attitude, I’m nevertheless ready” the other man shook his head in pity

“for the record, I’m not a Doctor” thought for a while and slowly returned to his seat, placing the folder on the table, he didn’t unstrap it this time around.

“Bala was a friend I met during my service year in Niger state. He’s the son of Alhaji Sidi Ndayakwo & was stinking wealthy. I had my plans of running a standard pharmaceutical company with state of the art equipment someday, the only thing missing in the plan was funds. Bala on the other hand was an entrepreneur in the making. I succeeded in bringing him in on my plans & we bonded like pinky and the brain. Bala is a Nupe guy from Niger state & I was forewarned of the Nupe peoples’ fetish life style, but I never listened. My Mum once told me that they did Juju a lot & that the only thing she liked about them was that, if they have loved you, its forever, they would always be there for you.” He stood up, went to the water dispenser & helped himself with a cup of cold water. He stood there staring at the empty cup after drinking the water.

“You asked them not to tie me up because you think in my tiny structure, I can’t be of any harm to you right? … I succeeded in stealing your pen, what if I now stab you with it?”

“Can you skip the intro part that consists of fetish people & fill me in on what really happened to you?” The other man said without even turning his face to look at who just threatened him.

“Hehehe! Doc! I’m beginning to fall in love with your guts… Well… I’m glad that you aren’t treating me with the insane gloves, at least for once I could use some human rights… Here you go” he handed the pen back & returned to his seat.

“Against all odds we started BPL, as expected, I ran the company while Bala funded it, business was booming and we resorted to expand through West to East Africa and further North, South would be our last stop in Africa before we proceeded to other continents. We were moving faster than our projection, as rich as Bala was, he was never spoilt. He neither drank nor smoked, he loved the expensive life though but still was a hard worker. If there was something you wouldn’t like about him, it was his attitude. He got bored easily & wasn’t the type that would live his life to impress anyone. I got married few years later to Hannah against the wishes of Bala & like every other person, my wife detested Bala. I made her see reasons to why I’m just managing to cope with him all to no avail. Now I want you to get this straight, Hannah my wife is a very pretty lady who attended the same school with Bala in the UK. Bala would say ‘she’s a gold digger who only paraded her self as a student of my school so as to achieve her selfish aim of commercial sex, she eventually got caught & was deported back to Nigeria.’ Hannah on the other hand told me that she lost her parents in her second year and couldn’t afford the expenses of her education. This resulted to her relocation back to Nigeria.

As for Bala’s accusations, she told me that Bala had once asked her out, but despite his money and social status, she declined because she was a good Christian and would only settle for the likes, I’m pretty sure you would understand why Bala suddenly hated me and wanted to be rid of me. Hannah is from Kogi State & they have lots of Mallams in her village that could check one’s destiny & pray for one’s protection using religious sacrifices. We visited one who checked & it was discovered that Bala wanted to cut me off the company. After much incantations he confirmed that Bala had got my replacement. I plunged into inquiries, lo & behold the answer surfaced. His half brother was studying pharmacy abroad and Bala intended making me run mad, which would result to my death. He gave me some charms & asked me to bring 10 million Naira to complete the job for protection and to ricochet Bala’s plans. I didn’t intend paying up because despite Bala’s supposed plans, I felt he had been a blessing to me, he had delivered and sacrificed a lot for me without even having full details about me. If he was done with me, I didn’t really have much problem with that. I had the brain & capital would no longer be a problem. Little did I know I was only digging my own grave by not listening to my wife.” He paused and examined the room, looked at the clean shaved man wearing a disinterested look on his face, grunted and looked up to the fine designed ceiling

“This is the part were everybody thinks I’m crazy, I won’t blame you if you do too. Some six to seven years back, I returned home from a hectic day at work, it was the period I was preparing for my sack as such I was trying to clear up my desk, leaving behind the unimportant things and hoping to confront Bala the next day. I never payed up for retaliation to Bala, I only came home with a million Naira in cash that I hoped to pay for my protection. Meanwhile, I had already contacted my Pastor who was away on a missionary trip and he promised to pray for me and see me the moment he arrived the country. My lovely wife pampered me with a massage that night and we had a once in a life time Dinner together.” He smiled & shook his head. Two disinterested eyes stayed fixed on him waiting for him to be done with his hallucinations.

“We slept together that night & I woke up alone in the body of a baby in a cot, with a different family. I couldn’t speak but babble, I couldn’t move my limbs, I was stripped off virtually every connections with myself, the only thing I had left was my mind and memory, Bala had succeeded.” He looked sharply to catch an amused Doctor at his latest statements but was disappointed when unlike the other Doctors, the other man remained inpatient-like with his looks fixed.

“I went through sucking of breasts, being carried about, waited for my time to talk & walk, witnessed & heard a whole lot of evil plans and revelations because every one thought I was just a baby. I waited patiently to grow up again so as to seek for answers to a whole lot of questions. When I was six and was able to move freely, I interacted a lot & got to meet someone who told me that it was possible to assume someone else’s body through voodoo activities. He made references to witch craft activities in Benin City and gave me a story book, ‘the Bottled Leopard’ by Chukwuemeka Ike which explained a whole lot as regards my condition, though with Animals, Bala is really a wicked person. I ran away from my new family, trying to locate my wife & help her understand what had happened and probably source for a solution & get back at Bala. I found Hannah in her new place of work, a boutique to be precise. I confronted her & of cause every person in his or her right senses would scream at this, she wasn’t left out. When she got hold of her self, she sent her sales girls away to be left alone with me, I would have succeeded in my quest if not for one of the sales girls, the very foolish one who called the police.” I went through series of questioning & series of Child Right Protection agencies, but unfortunately for me I had forgotten a lot of details of my previous life & no one seemed to believe anything I said, I eventually turned into a laughing stock. It was concluded that I was mentally deranged and ever since, I’ve been through wards to wards, doctors to doctors, injections, pills & multiple sedatives. Right now, I don’t even know where I am, who I am or what I’ve got to do with the rest of my life. I don’t even care any longer, if there’s one thing I yearn for right now, is going back to the bunch of scum bags that call them selves my parents. The last Doctor before you told me that you said you were going to help me, I’ve told you my story Doc, what’s the plan now?” The other man suddenly got up in annoyance, throwing his chair back.

“You disgust me, you brought your own destruction upon yourself, I’m not a Doctor, better stop addressing me as Doc” he hissed and made for the door in quick paces muttering in anger.

“So you’re not even a Doctor? You fool without manners, you disgust me too” he retaliated with a little temper, raising his voice just as the door slammed on its lock. In anger, he kicked the desk to an upside down position while the folder that was on it shattered its files to pieces on the floor. He proceeded to the water dispenser, ripped its wire off the wall and flung the machine to a far end of the room, wrecking it while its contents splattered on the wall. He looked for something else to destroy but found none, he held his head in frustration, let out a loud scream and collapsed on the floor in a sitting position, resting his back on the wall. From a distant, he heard people hailing followed by claps, he hissed and look to the ground for a while ‘let me even see what’s in this folder about me’

He gathered up the spilled files, excerpts from tabloids, magazines & other documents from the folder & dropped them down before him for perusal. The headlines that had been highlighted from the lot included: 11/03/2009 ‘reputable pharmacists go gaga’ with a rider ‘babbles like a baby’, 12/03/2009 ‘big blow struck on BPL’, 12/03/2009 ‘Bala Ndayakwo breaks down at his business partner’s hospital bed’, 12/03/2009 ‘BPL Pinky vows to get to the root of Brain’s predicament’, 21/09/2009 ‘UK deportee, Hannah Adisa denies ever attending any school in the UK’ with a rider ‘I only had friends whom I always visited in the University’, 15/03/2009 ‘Mathew Adisa dies at 41, four days after he was admitted in a psychiatric hospital’ 21/03/2009 ‘Bala pays huge sums of money to retrieve Late Adisa’s body from the morgue for proper autopsy’, 05/04/2009 ‘BPL boss drags wife of late partner to court for heavy dosage of morphine discovered in partner’s body system’, 25/09/2009 ‘Hannah pleads not guilty to charges levied against her by Bala Ndayakwo’, 12/01/2010 ‘Bala looses case to Hannah, pays 20 million Naira for damages’, 20/04/2010 ‘widowed Hannah re marries first love, a year after husband’s death’, the 6 year old boy in awe picked interest and scrutinised the photo below the headline.

“So, she re married that so called Mallam? Old time boy friend for that matter?” He laughed and proceeded to the next tabloid 19/06/2010 ‘Ndayakwo renames company: MPL (Mathisa Pharmaceutical LTD)’ 19/06/2010 ‘Mother of Late Mathew Adisa & Sister receives 100 Million Naira from MTL’, 14/12/2013 ‘Mrs. Mary P. Adisa dies at age 73’. The next documents contained an appointment letter and documentation papers. Tears of sorrow and joy rolled down his cheeks, he stood up and proceeded to the unlocked door. Opened it and found himself in a neat passage with different people on lab coats. A lady in a lab coat that carried the ‘MLT’ logo which he recognised as Sandra walked up to him, bent down a little and greeted

“welcome back Sir, finally we found you”. Another cute lady rushed towards them and greeted like the first lady, wearing the same white lab coat

“oyoyo! Oyoyo!! Sir am I dreaming?” Without bothering to wipe the tears off his eyes, he said

“Sandra & Fumi, best twins ever, you’re all grown up now” and they laughed in joy. More people on MLT lab coat approached this 6 years old little man who was once their boss & is hoped to resume his previous position with MLT. All of these workers approached with joy & happiness, some in tears while others just wore bubbly faces. He held Sandra’s arm and she bent down to hear what he got to say

“Sandra! Please where can I find Bala?”

“Ah! The moment Mr. Bala left you in your office, he broke the news to us and left the building in anger, I think he finally has a way to even the score with your ex wife…” She further bent so as to whisper in His ear

“… You can see he now keeps a clean face right? He said you once told him to do that, since you left, he has never been himself”.

11 thoughts on “Gaga?” by Mik Ahludba (@geerian)

  1. bunmiril (@bunmiril)

    Awwwww! there should be a next part now…..
    I like it.
    Well done.

    1. Gee! Thanks Bumi, you just made my new year

  2. Nalongo (@Nalongo)


  3. aadetoyin (@aadetoyin)

    So Gagalicious. Unusual, I love it

  4. namdi (@namdi)

    It was difficult in some places to discern which character was speaking.

    It has a nice plot. Though, the writing didn’t quite bring out its beauty.

    1. Observation noted, thanks

  5. There is potential in this, it just needs you to take your time with it. That you titled it gaga doesn’t mean we should go gaga as details rush at us like whirlwinds and toss us up and down.
    Go through this, your punctuations, capitalizations and some sentences need reworking.
    Please re-edit.
    Well done, Mik.

  6. I like this, you did well

    1. Coming from an NS member, I feel honoured, thanks.

  7. Wanna first of all thank you all for reading, commenting on & criticizing this. Every observation was noted & corrections are going to be made by His Grace. Once again, thank you all for helping propel in my quest to becoming a great writer.

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