The Guest – Chapter 1

It was the evening of the sixth of January 2005. Timothy a young naval doctor had just come back from war six months after his present recruitment.

The United Nations job had seen him exploring various countries assisting soldiers and even American marines at their inch of Death a job which he had for almost eleven years. Some he lost, some the emotional moments were too hard to bear, and some called him the miracle worker because he had such a gift to take the pain away.

On his visit to Kinshasa where drugs and violence reigns he almost got gunned down by men of the violent underworld, only to be aided by his most entrusted partner, Mark who always had his back even though he had little military training only for them to lose contact when they had a job three months ago in Norway.

A damaged left arm had caused him an early retirement and for the first time in a long while he is going back to see his little girl “Gift” and her mum “Joan”. Joan is his wife and the woman he had always dreamed off, and his high school crush seemed to turn into love and marriage. Joy dint seem to leave his heart when Gift was born two years after. He had been working at the East gen metropolis hospital in the west of Maiduguri when he was unanimously chosen to bring world peace by his decision to change the world and travel. Then he got married that same year. Off course his choices were met by emotional moments but he had to go. Gift was just 13 years when he left…This and many other thoughts pondered through his head. The excitement of seeing them again

“Brrrrrrring pin pon pongggggg…..”the airport announcer on speaker “final boarding announcement to Nigeria”. His heart pumped real fast while he proceeded entering the plane, through the plane tunnel, as he adjusts his belt buckle to put himself in a relaxed mode. The chills started as a scared fellow in the back seat of the air vessel stared at him, he had an annoying stare, and the uneasy notion started to kick in.. Tightly suited, the scared man looked like one of the special ops men he used to work with in the army. He thought of the job in Norway and didn’t seem to remember much, then suddenly quick flashes ached his cranium.

Timothy continued to buckle and a cute Norwegian hostess walks up to him with a warm smile that seemed to give him the desired comfort required. Written on her name tag was Pune, although he didn’t know what it meant, he had this feeling that it was a really special name due to the level of beauty he saw, this made him think of Joan and Gift.

By his left was a real talkative of a seatmate who wouldn’t stop chattering and trying to gain conversation,: she was dark in complexion of average age and height with chubby cheeks, and flowing hair extensions which was half covered with a bandana. He tried guessing her tribe in his mind. ”or maybe Yoruba” he thought. She was really tense and hated flying and was trying to slip in some pills while on the flight. Her mouth had a left swollen shape because she had stick candy in her mouth. He didn’t really get a look at her other features, then she offered him her hand in a friendly manner. On the interception of the hand shake he puts his headphones on. “Now playing: James brown’s get it on” boom bad um dum dumm!! “It’s going to be a long flight! “He thought. He then falls asleep.

Waking up his neck seemed to have a sharp pain as he tried to use his hands to feel around his neck area he needed a bathroom break and after using the bathroom he returns to his seat. Two hours later, he felt the plane descending and on its descent, an information was broadcasted on how to get off the plane, which he did as he was told and unbuckled his seatbelt, and carried his laptop which he kept at the small cargo area present at the upper part of the plane.

As he steps out of the plane he was met by smiles of families and well-wishers all waiting at the waiting area, his eyes peers right left and center to all directions he could turn with his neck, to find the faces of his family members of which he had comfortably tucked into his wallet in a still photograph mode. He also thought about his military convoy too. He then took a little time to notice the airport; he saw Automated teller machines, mini supermarkets, restaurants, gift shops etc. Then just as he was about to sit down in the waiting area he was tapped by his side and then he turned he saw a military officer asking him his name, then he answered abruptly and his information produced matched the officer’s grid.

So just out of curiosity he asked. “please how did you know I was Mr. Timothy?” He fixed a warm gaze upon  timothy “with all due respect sir, you were hard to miss with the cast in your left arm nobody in this airport had an amputated arm”. “So I guess that’s true”, he said. Then he went to the car with Sergeant Muktar. (as his name tag revealed) He quietly retreated in the back seat of a 2005 Nissan armada..



12 thoughts on “The Guest – Chapter 1” by Jacob Gad (@jacobGad)

  1. Fadehan Adeoshun (@Fadehan)

    This piece looks nice but i think the suspense is mild…. You could have made it hotter…
    Nice one though.

  2. Nalongo (@Nalongo)

    Nice

  3. One, I’m kinda lost, maybe a reread would do, two, your punctuation, work on it please

  4. consyspark (@constance-Onyeji)

    a nice piece for a newbie but i kinda got lost in the plot. so many events happend in one episode,so many flash backs. and the use of one word or text repeatedly makes it loose its appeal ★emotional moments★. the suspence at the ending was also a bit weak,make the next episode drag your reader bk to your story standing on their feet abi toes. then you pay to much attention to unncessary details like gisting us the location of the cargo area in the plane,describing the air hostess when she had no other role to play in d story if you had told us abt how she intrigued him nd how he tried to mke converstion etc that would hve kept us wondering who this character really is. most importantly proof- read nd check your punctuations. cant wait for the next chapter cos i know it ll be better, good work jacob i just hope his wifey hasnt forgotten all abt im..

  5. Well, what else can I say? Punctuation, clarity and suspense. Most people would just manage to read up to the first two paragraphs.
    Give your work life and make the reader want to read the next line.
    Well done

  6. Jacob Gad (@jacobGad)

    Thanx guyz! Will do a better job in d next chapter!

  7. Not good…you can do better

  8. @JacobGad, this needs work. There are many tense confusion, grammatical and word usage issues here.

    For example, from the third paragraph alone:

    “A damaged left arm had caused him an to take early retirement, and for the first time in a long while he is was going back to see his little girl…”

    “Joan is was his wife and the woman he had always dreamed off of; and his high school crush seemed to turn into with whom he had found love and enjoyed marriage.”

    This These and many other thoughts he pondered through his head.

    To make the narrative more engaging from the start, it would be better to start with him being on the plane. Then you can flash back to what brought him on to the plane.

    Kr&w.

  9. Jacob Gad (@jacobGad)

    @Tola Odejayi, yea the tense forms are kina mixed up!! sure am gna re review this episode.. With your corrections too.

  10. Jacob Gad (@jacobGad)

    Just discovered that your work cant be edited once it is published, guess i would have to put all ya correctnz into my subsequent chapters thanx!!pls kip d comments comming!!

  11. Okay, I think you have a story to tell.
    Work on the issues pointed out by @TolaO and @Fadehan.
    I will check out the other parts.
    Well done Jacob.

Leave a Reply