I was jolted out of my self-imposed reverie by a knock on my door that I had now become all too familiar with. That has to be Funke. Problem is I wasn’t expecting her and i just didn’t want her around that time. Any other time was fine, but not today. Today was all about Tina, no other person. I was expecting Tina to hit my crib. The last we had spoken, she had told me she was in the cab to my place but was stuck in traffic.
I had mentally calculated the distance from Ojota where she was coming from and my place, and realized that plus or minus, within 45 minutes to an hour max she would get to my place. The last thing I needed was Funke being around. Having Tina come around was another story entirely. Let’s just say a lot of money, time, poetry and energy had gone into this venture. If you wonder why I had gone to that length to get her to come over, a brief description of her physical features will convince you. That description has to wait though ‘cos I‘ve got a more pressing problem; Funke.
Sweating, worried and confused, I asked;
“Who is that?
‘Funke’ came the reply.
Damn! My worst fears confirmed. But she didn’t call before coming! I cursed under my breath. I had to think of something. I can’t have Funke come around and spoil the best laid plans.
Funke was a lady I had met in the bus on one of those days I had decided not to drive down to the office. Traffic that week had been hellish and I had decided to take the quicker and easier route of taking public bus.
Funke sat beside me in the bus from CMS to Stadium; from there I was to connect to my crib. Work had been stressful and to ease my pain and distract me from the heat generated by the slow moving traffic, I scrolled through the videos on my phone and started watching ‘Pacific Rim’, a movie I had saved earlier on my phone and didn’t notice her beside me.
Five minutes into the trip and apparently feeling inconvenienced by her sitting position, she beckoned on me and I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Can you please shift a little?” she asked.
I took out my earphones and quickly did a scan of this person ‘disturbing’ me and making me pause my movie. The scan result came back good. The hips were a pure piece of art. Even in her sitting position, the leggings she had on did very little to hide the superbly sculptured behind she was backing. I gladly obliged. Stupidly though, I didn’t capitalize on that opportunity to start a conversation.
For the remainder of the journey, my brain went into overdrive trying to get the perfect opportunity to start a conversation with her.
Unfortunately, I just couldn’t think of anything. I silently prayed that she wouldn’t get down before the final bus stop where I would alight.
My prayer was answered (I thought someone said the prayer of a sinner was an abomination to God…issh!) We both got down at the last bus stop and if her voluptuousness was noticeable from her sitting position, then seeing her fully stand not only made me respect God’s artistry on her, it also made my WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) give a ‘21 gun salute’.
‘Controlled’ by sight without any obvious strategy to strike a conversation, I walked up to her and simply said;
“Seems you are going my way, can I tag along?”
She looked at me and her look of disgust was palpable. She hissed and walked away from me briskly.
The feel of embarrassment was unbelievable. I could notice the telling stares and smiles on the face of people nearby who had seen me walk up to her and her subsequent reaction. I had to save face. I then remarked audibly ‘ok. Later now!’ A pretentious call and I briskly walked away silently cursing my luck.
Within a few hours, I had forgotten about Funke. Aided by the European Champions league match I watched that evening and a local dish I had bought from an eatery on my way home, I had unconsciously consigned the afternoon’s experience as one of those not so memorable ‘hunting expeditions’. A good night sleep and I was out early for work the next morning.
I started out towards the bus stop to get a vehicle to work and had barely walked for 5 minutes, when I basically bumped into Funke; the same lady who embarrassed me the day before. This time I was never going to allow her slip from my hands. I realized I had to up my game; Game on!