What it means to be the Head In Marriage

I was at a marriage ceremony the other day and at the reception,the chairman of the occasion said something that initiated a cascade of thoughts which I’d soon disclose. I really hope you learn a thing or two; this issue is really important to individual and collective happiness.

In his speech, the chairman said to the groom ”you are the head of the family, please act like one”. That got me thinking.

The Man is the ‘head’ of the family. What does that mean? We could start by looking at the structures in the head.

First the eyes, they see the direction where the body is headed. They see danger ahead and move the body away from it. They are the agent through which we appreciate the world; beauty and color is seen through the eyes. The man as the head is the one to be a watchman, to always be on guard and shield his family from external forces wanting to destroy his home. When there is trouble and everyone else is down and depressed, he should be able to see hope in the horizon and steer them to its shore. He should be a visionary, the one that charts the course for the other members of the family to follow. He is a goal getter, not a never-do-well, or a no-future-ambition (NFA) kind of man. The other members look to him for direction and guidance.

Next the ears. Sights and sounds often go together, however, sounds sometimes can be more important than sight. The preservation instincts in animals are dependent more on sounds than any other sense. An antelope would not wait to see the tiger before fleeing, its system has been designed to rely on sounds. Furthermore, instructions are heard with the ears. The man must have a sharp and discerning mind and also be prudent. His priority is the protection of his family and he puts them before all else. He must be given to learning and seek knowledge, he must be enterprising and industrious.

Following closely is the sense of smell. Many a danger has been averted by a well developed sense of smell. Still on the senses, for doctors,they understand that the sense of smell can be a clue to making certain diagnosis: the fishy odor of certain infections, the mousy odor of uremia, the sweet acetone smell of diabetic keto acidosis.

The man that is to be the head must be very sensitive and able to decipher when things are going wrong in his house. When his wife is unhappy or the children are passing through certain challenges, he must be able to sense it and encourage them to open up to him, and help them through it all. He must also be approachable and open and not the cold, aloof, always hiding behind the newspaper type.

The brain is housed in the head and is the ‘central processing unit’ of the body. Nothing happens in the body without the control or knowledge of the brain. It controls the body, it protects the body, determines the course of the body, regulates body processes. In short there’s no life without the brain and it’s all housed in the head.

The man as head is supposed to be around, to be involved in the rearing of the child and must be aware of all the happenings in the home. He must be responsible for any and every decision that is made in the home. He is the champion, the protector, the provider, the guide, the confidant and the leader. That is who the real ‘head’ is.

Now that’s a great responsibility, one not to be taken lightly. The thing with most men of nowadays is that they use the phrase ‘men are the head of the family’ without really fully grasping the weight or full import of those words. The men often use it to assert their authority over the ladies but the truth is most times they fail as ‘heads’!

They often fail in their responsibilities and-get ready for this-that is why marriages fail most times. When the head fails in its responsibility to the body, then the body cannot be healthy. So also when the husband as the head fail in his responsibilities, the marriage fails. The head doesn’t give up! It’s the last structure (because it houses the brain) to give up at death; there is no death without brain death.

Men wake up! Do your duties and do it well. Save those marriages, the ladies are depending on you to do it. They need you to save those marriages,they depend on you. Stop shifting those blames, rise up, be the man you are called to be. Be the head and don’t just bear the title.



19 thoughts on “What it means to be the Head In Marriage” by topazo (@topazo)

  1. ‘The men often use it to assert their authority over the ladies…’ How do you become a leader without asserting some form of authority? Topazo forgive my asking but are you married? Your answer would determine how I view your opinion on this piece…

    1. @francis thanks for reading. I think u shld take the piece for what it is nd nt judge it based on my marital status, wch im nt disclosing(for security reasons…lol)
      i also believe dt true leaders command respect nd loyal followership without coercion or assertion. In fact dt is the hallmark of true leadership

      1. @francis tnks fr reading. I think u shld take d piece fr wat it is and nt judge it based on my marital status(wch i wnt disclose fr security reasons….lol)
        the hallmark of true leadership is the ability to command respect and loyal followership without coercion or assertion of superiority.

  2. How does it concern you how I use my head? Stop interfering juo.

    1. @kaycee and yours is a very big head…lol

  3. @topazo…good advise you got here. and nice way you came to it. The descriptions are very clear and succinct…and overall, the tone is very Nigerian/African. Well done sir!

  4. @topazo

    A very good and distinct read. However as our society continously evolves, who fills the role you describe so aptly when a man is absent (for a whole host of reasons)? It seems a very traditional role in today’s world where women are taking up leadership roles both in the home and work. I suggest your core concepts should apply to either gender.

    1. @AlabaOk even in a changing world, the family unit should still be preserved. and the man as head is responsible for holding the family together. no matter how busy we are our, our core values should be ”family first”

  5. @topazo, your wife is safe from me, lol! Judge? No. You misunderstand intent. To me it’s always better coming from someone who is in the game already.

    You know these things sound nicer in words. There must be some form of coercion whether subtle or direct… Besides these seeming role has been battered by feminists and modern societal expectations that it leaves us, the younger generation confused as what really is our role…

    1. @francis you are right, there seems to be a lot of role confusion these days, and that is why the societal values are disintegrating too…the family is the core of the society. we need to retrace our steps and get it right again. trust me, if we really act our role as the head, no coercion is needed….

  6. nice relationships article…. keep it up.

    1. @elovepoetry thanks for reading and commenting..

  7. Okay now, be the head and act like one……

    1. @kodeya that’s the spirit…lol

  8. Vincent de Paul (@vincentdepaul)

    Nice one

  9. @basittjamiu an interesting read!!!!!!!!!!!1

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