Mickey Jay: Memoirs Of A Lagos Playboy (VIII)

August 4th, 2012.

In today’s world where mobile phones do all sorts of stuff, a mobile phone is usually a reflection of the owner. A mobile phone with lots of football clips, logos and pictures of club football stars will tell you a lot about the owners hobby. You can tell the club a person supports merely by scrolling through the pictures on his phone. I’m a die-hard Manchester United fan so there’s no telling what you’re going to find if you scroll through my phone. That’s just one side of the story.

Again, you can tell a lot about a person from the contents on his mobile but never with numeric exactitude. Most people fill the memory spaces of their mobiles with hard core pornographic movie clips. These are the most confusing lot to me. Normally, these are people we like to assume get lots of sex, right? Well some do but definitely not all. I see no reason why a guy with a tight game would stock pile so much porn movie clips on his phone. Its either he ain’t getting none or the dude is just a freak. Its very easy to tag such as “wankers”. No offense intended dudes!

How about when you see some kinds of porno that you can only define as purely sinful on a girl’s phone? If you’re a real gee, the first thought that sails through your mind is “Wow! She loves sex!!” Yes, we guys are always guilty of that thought and we try our best to bring out that side of her that makes her keep porn on her mobile.

I was at this beach party at Elegushi on friday night. My good friend Ifeanyi whom I rarely see in Lagos because of our impossible schedules, called me up in the wee hours of friday morning to say a friend of a friend of his friend was having a party at the beach later that night. It was a friday and I had no plans so I said why not? Two more weeks to go till Christy came back from Port Harcourt so I decided to go a-frolicking.

The party started at ten but I was there by 9:15pm. I drove straight to Elegushi beach from the office. I left the office late and didn’t want to deal with the killer traffic leaving the Island by that time. Fortunately, I always have a spare change of clothes and a couple of shoes in my boot so I can never be caught unawares in case of any emergency. I had changed and went into the club hut called “Cabana”. The music was blaring already but there were just a few guys and girls. None I really knew personally so I nodded in acknowledgment as I walked in and took a seat somewhere in the dark corner of the hut. The waiter came over and I ordered a bottle of Jack Daniels. The skunk hawkers came by and I made a purchase. I lit up and leaned back on the comfortable seat, actually grateful to be alone in the noisy atmosphere. My phone vibrated just after I concluded the first blunt. It was Ifeanyi; he was outside. I told him I was inside. He came in with three girls dressed in the skimpiest of skirts and most revealing blouses you’ll ever see. I waved and they came over. I rose and we gave ourselves our typical kind of noisy greeting, a hug and a handshake while he introduced me to the ladies. I shook hands with each of them courteously; Fanny, Omo and Bimbo. Fanny sat next to me while Bimbo and Omo went out to search for some other friends. Thankfully, they never came back. Fanny was dressed in a grey mini gown with a generous cut that barely hid her nipples. She wore no bra, I noted. She had on a light make-up that pronounced the dark beauty of her face in contrast to her friends who went artistic on themselves. She surveyed me and looked away when I sat down and faced her. Hmm. Not bad, I thought.

I offered her a drink from the bottle of Jack and she smiled and requested for coke to mix with so I ordered. She was engrossed in her blackberry so I ignored her and lit up the second blunt. It got her attention and she asked if she could take a puff. I said why not and passed it. She turned out to be quite a junkie so I had to order some more and before I knew it, we were laughing at unfunny jokes and stories we told each other. She had loosened up totally and was already resting on my shoulders as we laughed. I spotted Ifeanyi coming towards us but he stopped and watched us surprised at how familiar we already were. I waved cheerfully and he waved back retreating with a smile. Ok, I thought. The road was clear for me to carry on.

By this time, the party had begun to fill up. It was almost eleven o’ clock and the party people came in with their partners. Guys and girls came in gangs and crews and the mingling began. The dance floor began to fill up but I and Fanny seemed to be totally unaware of the party as we enjoyed each others company immensely. We were quite stoned and inebriated by this time with Jack way below the half mark. I leaned back, pausing our conversation to watch movements, not seeing much. She rested her head on my shoulder and her phone came up again. This time I could see what she was doing and when I saw a sex motion picture, I sat up. She laughed at my changed posture and brought it closer so we could both watch. I ordered for some more blunts and we continued to smoke while we watched the vilest of porns.

“I love that style.” She shouted over the loud music that tried to drown out her voice. She was pointing to a purely acrobatic technique that was only possible by olympic gymnasts.

“That’s a fantasy style. It takes training to be able to do that.” I shouted back.

“I can do it.” She said enthusiastically.

“Oh please!” I said, dismissing her talk with a wave of my hand.

“I’m serious.” She insisted.

“Would you give me a demonstration?” I asked laughing.

She laughed hard, hitting my shoulders and put her hand around my neck and whispered, “If you want one, I could give you a demonstration.”

“Right now?” I asked expectantly.

“No silly!” She laughed, punching my shoulders again. I winced in mock pain. We continued to watch in silence though my mind was busy now. Was I going to get lucky tonight, I wondered.

“You’re a cool dude. I like you.” She said suddenly after some time.

“Aww. It warms the cockles of my heart that you think so.” I said laughing.

“I’m serious. I just met you and already, we’ve smoked pot together, we’ve watched porn together….” She said seriously.

“Imagine the other things we could do together.” I said, grinning mischievously. She punched my arm again laughing. This time a lot more harder.

“Come on, let’s dance!” She said, standing and drawing me up from my comfortable seat. “I’m ready to partaaaay!”

I joined her on the floor. The DJ was slamming hard and people were sweating it out on the dance floor. The song of the ocean was barely audible with all the noise blaring from the numerous speakers but the night breeze was fresh and I felt a rush of it hit my face. I held her hand while she turned and gave me her backside. I gripped her waist and she dipped down to the floor, coming up slowly and deliberately massaging her backside against my hardened appendage.

Boy! I was born lucky!

Follow on twitter @saymalcolm

13 thoughts on “Mickey Jay: Memoirs Of A Lagos Playboy (VIII)” by Malcolm O. Ifi (@saymalcolm)

  1. Thrilling… Check: ‘this time more harder’ double comparative.

    1. Thanks for your observation. I really should get someone to proof-read for me because I detest reading through what I write and even when I do, I never see the errors. I guess I meant to write “a lot harder”. Lol.

  2. A real player.

  3. Lucky lucky you

  4. Hmmm…hope this is nt goin to b anoda addiction

  5. i luv ur style…we share some tins in common too…

  6. Okay. Interesting so far.

  7. Another vintage piece of writing! I will suggest you engage the services of a proof- reader. Well done.

  8. If you are writing from experience, then you’re my hero…and still somehow hate U̶̲̥̅̊….for ur luck

  9. glow (@anyieinstein)

    U seem to get ‘lucky’ all the time. I hope you soon get really lucky, this time, with the right missing rib…. Or aren’t you searching yet? *winks

  10. The opening flow of the memoir was superb! Credit you for that!

    The simplicity is perfect.

    Keep writing.

  11. I’m enjoying the series enormously! A real playa but I’m confused, what’s MCs selling point? Fine boy? Big build? Pepper? Nice read I can see it serialized in some soft sell! Meanwhile I think you write from some experience, you cover all the big spots! Lol!

Leave a Reply