Mickey Jay: Memoirs Of A Lagos Playboy (VII)

August 1st, 2012.

I came back from work yesterday evening quite late. It was one of those killer-days where you work your butt off from the moment you step into the office till the minute you step out late in the night without so much as a break. My nerves were wired after endless cups of coffee and marathon bouts of meetings. I stopped at my favorite bar to have a bottle of beer to calm my frayed nerves before I drove home. Salisu opened the gate for me and greeted me more cheerfully than usual but I was too tired to even consider it.

Power was on, I noted with surprise. I had made up my mind to just undress and crash without even a thought of having Salisu put on the generator. My sitting room lights were on. I must have left them on before I left for work this morning, I thought. I unlocked my door and as I stepped in, the unfamiliar aroma of something fantastic hit my nostrils. I dropped my bag and keys on the rug and on tippy-toes, traced the aroma to my kitchen. As I got there, I think I fell in love.

There she was. Her back was against me as she dutifully washed the plates I had left on the sink probably for the last two days. One of the pots atop the cooking burner vibrated, its contents bubbling. The aroma was distinguishable now; she was making tomato stew. The other pot was half open. There was a plastic basket full of oranges on the table. She wore an apron over a T-Shirt of mine and black bum shorts. I rested on the beam of the kitchen door, admiring her as she sang along to Sarah McLachlan’s “Fallen”. I understood now why she didn’t hear me come in. She had an ear piece on. I think it was in this moment I knew we were meant to be together.

She must have felt she was being watched and instinctively, she turned around. Seeing me, she gasped with pleasure, her face lighting up. She hurriedly rinsed her hands and jumped on me, my expert hands catching her, her legs encircling my waist, her wet hands around my neck. We laughed together. She hastily cleaned her hands on the apron and held my face. She looked me deep in the eye, her smile firing up my heart. She kissed me long and hard before a long and warm embrace. Words were just insufficient and inadequate to describe the happiness and satisfaction in our hearts. We were one in spirit, soul and body. Our mutual silence said it all. We just held on to each other tightly till she pulled away gently, her eyes never leaving me. She switched off the cooker and came back into my arms. I lifted her up in my arms and she screamed in delight, her hands encircling my neck as we gazed into each others eyes. I was so lost in this fantasy of joy that the words escaped from my mouth before I could check them.

“I love you.” I whispered. She looked into my eyes and gave me a smile. It was the first time I’d ever told her that. She had told me that many times already and didn’t stop even when I didn’t reciprocate. She knew I did but had a problem saying it. And now, after saying it, I realized I didn’t need to hear it back as I would have in time past. She kissed my lips and said, “Thank you for saying it.”

“Don’t thank me, love. I’ve always loved you.”

“I know.” She said, shyly.

I carried her straight to the bed room. I dropped her on the bed gently and she watched me intently as I undressed. Her eyes traced my every movement.

“Aren’t you hungry?” She asked, smiling.

“I am. And I’m about to satisfy my hunger.” I said, returning her smile.

She shook her head and laughed. “Don’t you ever get tired?” She asked, laughing.

“My dear, I’ve been starved of your presence for so long. All I just want is a good cuddle…and a good spoon…in our birthday suits.”

“I see.” She smiled. “You’re sure that’s all?” She asked mischievously.

“Honest!” I said, “but…let’s see how that’ll work.” I said, grinning.

As bare as birth, I joined her in bed and undressed her, slowly. The apron went off first as I flung it on the floor behind me. The T-Shirt went off next, revealing those perky breasts I’d missed so much. They were fair and inviting. I resisted the urge to take them in my lips. My finger traced a line on her spotless skin, from her breasts down to her belly button. She shivered. I went for the bum shorts next, sliding it down her beautiful long legs till we were both as dressed as nature. She instinctively covered her breasts and smiled shyly as I took a moment to savor her beauty, her perfection.

A sound behind caused me to turn back. It was coming from the bathroom. The bathroom door opened before I could react and I couldn’t believe my eyes!


“What the fuck?!” I yelled. I jumped out of the bed, struggling to put my pants back on. My mind was an erratic jumble of thoughts and words. My brain completely refused to help me string them together to effect total denial of the accusations that were surely to come next. Kemi was wrapped in my white towel, her hair tousled and glistening with steam that escaped from the bathroom door that was still opened a crack. She walked to the mirror nonchalantly, her enormous backside jutting out and bouncing famously. There was a self-assured smile on her lips as she brushed her hair, giving me just a perfunctory glance. My gaze swept back to Christy, who seemed not to be bothered in the least by Kemi’s sudden appearance or her own nudity as she watched me fidget from one place to another.

“What…what’s going on here?” I stammered, unsure of what the hell was going on.

“Oh come on, Mickey. Why are you acting like you just saw a ghost?” Kemi replied, looking at me from the mirror, still brushing her hair.

“Honey, I wanted to surprise you.” Christy said, drawing back my gaze. She stood up from the bed and walked towards me slowly, nude still, her eyes twinkling. Suddenly, she was like someone I didn’t know. Her countenance had changed. The good girl I saw before was nowhere to be found. There was no shyness in her eyes. She was a predator and I was the prey. I backed away in horror till my back hit the wall.

Kemi joined her as they both stared at me, their eyes expressing animal lust. My towel which hung loosely just above her bosom dropped, revealing her voluptuous nakedness. There was no twitch in me. In fact, the erection I had previously had shrunk into oblivion. I was terrified. Suddenly, the shape of the room changed. My walls which were white in color changed to pink. Suddenly, the room was bare but for one massive bed in the center of the room. I blinked hard at the changes happening before my eyes. Surely, I’m hallucinating, I thought. I wasn’t! The room was spinning now. My legs were weak. Christy and Kemi continued to watch my terror in amusement. With one fluid movement of Kemi’s hand, my hastily worn pants flew off me as if blown off by an unseen force. I looked down at my exposed manhood, shocked that it was firmly erect.

“Come to us.” They said in unison. “We want you now.” Their voice sounded mechanical and unreal. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I turned to run but I slipped and fell. Looking frantically around the unfamiliar room, I discovered there were no doors! How the hell did I get here?! An unseen force lifted me and threw me back on the bed. As I lay on my back, struggling to sit up, invisible straps held my arm and legs down. I couldn’t move!

The two ladies, whose eye-balls had gone totally white, walked towards me as if in a trance. As they climbed the bed to defile me, I found my voice and yelled!

“STOP IT!!!!!!!!!”

Silence and darkness…

I opened my eyes but couldn’t see anything. It was pitch darkness all around. It took a while but my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The bed felt familiar. I sat up, noticing how drenched I was in perspiration. I still was a bit shook up so I shut my eyes for a few seconds to calm my thumping heart down. It worked. A glance at the digital alarm clock on my bedside revealed that the time was just 03:45am. I could hear the distant hum of the massive power plant owned by one of my neighbors. I rolled out of bed and sat by the side and held my head. I was in my own room. I sighed with relief. I reached for the bottle of water I always kept by my bedside. I took a large gulp and dropped the bottle after replacing the cap. I groped in the dark for my rechargeable torch light. It was fully charged.

I made my way to the table. The bold gold numbers of “2012″ glistened on the diary. I drew the chair near and sat down.

I must pen down this dream…or nightmare to my memoirs lest I forget it! I wonder what it means.

Follow on twitter @saymalcolm

11 thoughts on “Mickey Jay: Memoirs Of A Lagos Playboy (VII)” by Malcolm O. Ifi (@saymalcolm)

  1. Heheehehee honeymare more like

  2. sublime. engaging to the very end. you have improved tremendously. kudos. check: she has an ear piece on, how did you know the song she was singing along to? just asking.

    1. Thank you very much. As to your question, she was singing along. That’s how I knew. ;)

  3. “shocked that it was firmly erect”…lmao

    1. Lol. Thanks for reading.

  4. Oh it’s just a nightmare. Lol

  5. glow (@anyieinstein)

    Dats one heck of a nightmare.. I ask again… Is this truly your memoir or is it your imagination running wild. If it is the latter, it’s a really wild, good one

  6. For a Lagos playboy, you well the MC is pretty ….borrow me a word..conservative? Nice dream sequence though, well put together @saymalcolm

  7. Ebuka (@murney_okosisi)

    Excellent!!!read it twice and still enjoyed evry line.

  8. Dude! U got me here! I should have known better. Nice one. Very nice.

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