Letter to my Father Part II

Letter to my Father Part II

“…And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places…”

Kate Bush

Running up that hill, 1985

Dearest Daddy,

I fell asleep yesterday.

In the middle of the day. At my desk. Like a lazy lump of flesh. I was reading a mail, and I sort of slid sideways and blinked twice, very slowly, and I was off in lala-Land!

Snoring like a buzzsaw and drooling onto my shirt. You cannot imagine my mortification when my boss walked in and caught me fast asleep!

I can almost see you laughing at this tale of my shameful work ethic.

I’ve been praying a lot more than I used to since you left. You taught me that. In those last few months- when it seemed I could almost hear your insides running down like an ancient clock, when the drugs weren’t enough to bind you to this world, when just turning onto your side gave you such pain and I asked God to take away your pain and give it to me- you taught me to pray again.

And so I do it every day now. As much as possible. And I choose to believe that you are still here, I just can’t see you. Why? Because that’s the kind of mischievous prankster you were, always hiding in plain sight to frighten the wits out of my hyperactive toddler brain!

I met a nice young man the other day. Just so you know. I know you worry about me constantly, what with my singleness and my weird habits (ahem, I still maintain that brushing both sides of my mouth an equal number of times is not a weird habit!). Anyway, I met this young man, and  I think you would have liked him, had you met him yourself. He is funny, sarcastic, does the crossword puzzle with me ( a first!), and said you were very handsome, so in my honest opinion, he is wonderful!

I miss you. A lot. It doesn’t get better, this missing business, but I comfort myself with the thought that maybe you miss me too, wherever you are.

Remember when you taught me Maths because I was having that bad phase in school? When if I so much as looked at a Mathematics textbook, I would start weeping? And that made you so angry! i still use your words to encourage my students,

“It’s nothing more than four symbols! Add, Subtract, Divide and Multiply! You are better and bigger than all of them!”

I am finally beginning to understand that you are gone for good. I asked God to take away your pain, but I don’t think He could have without taking you, because the time was right. You saw us all, blessed us all, made your peace with us all. And I will forever be thankful for that.

I wrote a short story the other day you would have liked. It was about you, and that time when you and your friends…you know what? never mind. I’ll tell you all about it when I see you in my dreams tonight.

I love you, and I miss you, Dad.



8 thoughts on “Letter to my Father Part II” by hotchocolate (@hotchocolate)

  1. I would have loved it if these thoughts were written in poetry. I think the taste sags, because the emotions are heavy but the words used to convey them are light.

  2. Wow. Wow. Wow. * A lone standing ovation from me*

    1. @chemokopi, thank you for reading.
      @Olaedo, I hope he was, as I was certainly proud of him!
      @topazo, thank u so much. The happy memories are the reason why we celebrate having had him in our lives. The mourning was because our lives seem a bit duller without him.
      @ash04, thank you. Someone suggested it should have been poetry. I really just wanted to set down some of my feelings through the grieving process, but thanks for the idea!

  3. You loved him very much. I bet he was proud of you too. *hugs*

  4. Awwww….I’m so jealous of dt bond…cherish those memories and it wld hlp wt d pain….
    His legacy lives on….
    Nice eulogy

  5. ash the dream (@ash04)

    I love this. I bet he’s so proud of you.
    …Just thinking guys what if this was a fiction ? Lol

  6. Simple, yet quite emotional.

    I feel you.

    Well done.

  7. Somehow for me, I just think it sounds better as a letter. It’s a great way of sharing, like you are actually conversing with him.

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