What do men want?

A wife is more than a homemaker or a bedmate unlike the popular belief among ladies of nowadays. Most ladies think that what an average guy wants from them is somebody to cook his meals, do his laundry, clean his house and sleep with, so they offer these services hoping to convince their men that they are wife material. Thus they are bewildered when after all these they are still dumped. Then they become embittered.

Most feminists nowadays now tell their fellow womenfolk not to perform any ‘’wifely’’ duties for the guys that they are dating as that is the key reason why they remain unmarried. According to them, the guys see no reason to propose marriage to them because they are already enjoying all the benefits of marriage with them.

While these may be partially true, it is also misleading and reflects the ignorance of the womenfolk about what a guy really wants from them. A lady has been taught by her mother that to be a good wife, she must possess above average culinary skills to woo the man, ‘’ the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’’ they dish out the ancient words. She must also be good homemaker. So she takes pains to learn all these and then tells herself that she is ready to be ‘Mrs. Right’ for the ‘Prince Charming’. But they couldn’t be more wrong.

The truth is we do not need a girlfriend to cook for us. A simple friendship with a lady could get that done. Personally, I know many bachelors who get their food cooked by their friends, many of who are married and who take pity on them and wouldn’t want to see them starving. We also do not need a girlfriend to do our laundry, there are those that wash people’s clothes for money, and there are washing machines too. And if we need our houses cleaned, we know people who offer these services too. So why then would we put ourselves through the hassles of a relationship and all sorts of stringent conditions and the expenditures just to get these things done, when we could get same for fewer amounts and definitely less emotional turmoil?

As for the sex part, there are lots of professionals that offer great, no strings attached, mind blowing sex, and who can be at our beck and call and who will be too happy to oblige our most perverse fantasies, many of which we can’t share with our girlfriends. So the question is, why do we still have girlfriends? What do we want in that woman that we would like to spend the rest of our lives with? Why do we go through so many circles of women looking for just that one person?

What we want is somebody to share our dreams with, someone that will believe in us and cheer us on. It sounds simple but then not every lady we see can do that no matter how good a homemaker she is. We will not be satisfied living with somebody that will take care of our bodies and sate our appetites but cannot share our soul, dreams, passion and goals. We would not settle for less.

Sadly, most ladies are content with being a homemaker or they are too busy running after their career to bother with giving us what we really need. They want to dazzle us with their culinary skills and ambitions. Even if the ladies keep their legs closed and refuse to perform any ‘’wifely’’ duties like the feminists are advocating, we would still dump you if we discover that you cannot give us what we really need; that cerebral coitus, that union of hearts and mind that really makes us one.

No matter what you do, the ring would still elude you, once we cannot connect to you or sense that you do not share our dreams. If the only thing you focus on are your dreams, your desires and your fantasies, and you make everything all about you and your wants, then you have no place with us. It is only a matter of time; we will tire of you, no matter the sex appeal and the homeliness.

Take a moment to ponder on the way the ladies think. When asked about their dream man, here’s what majority will say: A tall, dark, and handsome man, God-fearing, caring, sensitive, a good father and the likes. Which of these relates to connectedness between her and him?

Why does she want God-fearing? So that he wouldn’t cheat on her and not so that he could be ready for heaven. He must be caring and sensitive because then he would be attuned to their needs and emotions and would always go to extreme lengths to fulfill them. What about his needs? Oh you know them already- sex and food! What about his dreams and aspirations, his passions and goals? He carries them all alone.

So, no, we do not need you, if all you have to offer is just that. Let’s just shag and go, and everyone are happy (pardon the language). We will give you all that you need but won’t bond ourselves to you. No, that will be a great mistake.

Now you know what we want. You know why we dump you even after several professions of love and even years of dating. We kept hoping we would find what we needed in you but we didn’t and we couldn’t deceive ourselves any longer. Don’t take it personal; you just weren’t the one. It is actually rare finding a virtuous woman despite the fact that 51% of the world’s population consists of females.

One thing we would advice is that rather than carry about bitterness and go about sharing the ‘’men are pig’’ gospel, take a hard look at your self. No one drops a diamond no matter how rough it looks, and forget that crap about we being ignorant of your value, believe me we know a diamond when we see one. And it isn’t in how sexy you look; the diamond is in the heart.

You want to be appreciated? Appreciate in your value. Understand what we want- not sex or food or homeliness, not that those are bad but they are bonuses. What we want is a partner and soul mate; someone attuned to our needs, who see us for who we are, not the cars or fat wallet or sexiness.

We need someone who knows our dreams and sees our fears and insecurities because our dreams are so high that it scares us. Someone who calms our fears; motivates us to be better and who cheers us on.

We need someone we can be ourselves with, and who knows us as much and even better than we know ourselves, someone that can be our confidant, who we are not afraid to confess our mistakes and shortcomings to, and not have to keep up the ‘’macho’’ façade with, someone we can lean on when we are weak. Keeping up an act is so tiresome and we get tired easily and move on if we can’t be ourselves with you.

We need someone who understands our silence, looks into our eyes and sees our soul, who will hold our hands and whisper encouragement. We need someone we can make a life with, and look forward to going home to every day.

That’s whom we want and we won’t stop until we have found her.

48 thoughts on “What do men want?” by topazo (@topazo)

  1. Good piece, bro. There may, however, be some additional individual considerations based on specific contexts or relationships. For instance, some men would also want a woman who is independent-minded, who can take critical decisions when the need arises rather than just a woman who is supportive of their dreams. i always believe good relationships are those where the two people involved are like angels with one wing each, only able to fly by holding tight to each other and flapping the wings. Overall, the piece captures much of what we modern young guys want. Cheers.

    1. @carlobasi i love the analogy, relationships should be symbiotic, each depending on another…
      Yea men love independent-minded women too

      Thanks for reading

  2. @topazo, I now have a positive outlook on how to find my perfect match, that philosophy is worth praticalizing, every man’s motive, I agree with all your………nice write.

    1. @basittjamiu thanks…and good luck on your search..lol

  3. It’s alright. I’m not aware, sha. What I know is there’s no laid down rule for what a particular person wants. One that works for you might not for someone else. Remember humans are very complicated. But I want you to know that people keep relationships for various reasons. At times, even when you meet someone that meets those criteria, you just find out that you just can’t bond with the person and you leave, too. After all, I know some people who knew from the first moment they met their partner, that they would end up together.

    Wo, humans are complex joor.

    But all the same, it’s good you shared your view.


    1. @babyada thanks for reading…
      In as much as we r different frm one another, we stl hv sm tins in common….
      Most times women tink dey knw wat d guys want and most tyms dey r wrong. To make matters worse feminist r spreading the wrong message all arnd…it wl lead to more problems in the end.
      Each person is unique and to hv a succesfl relshp….ds uniqueness need to be found and used to build a lasting bond…

      1. True. But I just wanted to clear the notion that the ladies are dumped because they don’t meet up to a criteria, or they’re following a laid down general principle of doing everything for the guy before they’re married. Remember there are ladies who still won their man’s heart that way.

        What I feel that leads to break up majorly from the side of the guy is the resilience to enter a committed relationship. Most time, they feel they’re not just ready for it at that time. Not that the lady isn’t good enough or what-not. The moment they feel they are, you don’t see them searching all over the place for someone. They just pick someone and that’s it. It’s just few that end up marrying their long time friends.

        My 20 naira.

        1. @babyada it is possible to be long time frds wt a lady and yes love sm aspect of her and even lust after her bt knw deep dwn dt u cnt marry her cos she dsnt hv wt u need…
          I tnk fear of commitmnt on path of guys is cos dey hv nt foundt person dey rly want nd keep hopin to find her while stl hldn to one….eventually if dey dnt find her they may settle fr second best wch mightnt evn be d person dey hv knwn fr ages…

          Js saying..

  4. Is that what I want? Remind me to read this again when the time comes…

    You write good!

    1. Olabimpewumi (@Olabimpewumi)

      lol… I’ll sure remind u if he doesn’t.

      1. @olabimpewumi tnks fr readin..
        I’m sure he will want all these and more

  5. “So why then would we put ourselves through the hassles of a relationship and all sorts of stringent conditions and the expenditures just to get these things done, when we could get same for fewer amounts and definitely less emotional turmoil?”

    Good question…

    Quite a provocative piece, but you must also understand that relationship matters are hardly prescriptive. What works for A will most likely not work for B, cos we are all different. But one thing is important: Purpose. If a man discovers Purpose early, then it makes his job easier. The greatest problem is when U discover purpose and then find out that who U are with will not help U achieve that purpose… Problem.

    1. @raymond tnks fr reading…and yes, congrats!
      Uv summarized it wt js one word purpose. Wen each person finds purpose den mkn choices of whom to enter relshps with will be easier. It takes knwn wt it entails nd definin wr such affiliations wl lead to.

    2. I quite agree with you @raymond

  6. I think a relationship takes two people who are willing and able to commit to each other. If either is unwilling, then its doomed.

    1. @thomasmann…thanks fr reading. Willingness comes frm either party if ders smtn worth holding on to

  7. Are these things what all men want or what YOU want?

    Really nice piece and well-written too, but I think articles like this ought to be based on facts and not just an individual’s perception. Like carrying out a little poll to ascertain what various men want from their women.

    1. @shadiat it is what we want o…make no mistake abt it. We appear playboyish or unwilling to commit cos we stl hvnt found her…once we do we hold tight

  8. very true and nice but still our human nature sometimes allow us to drop or discard good things, in other words, there is a tint of selfishness in humans, i dont perfectly agree with your argument here, cause i believe a real man will shape out the diamond in a woman and he will gently guide her to unite their hearts,.be the change you want to see is a philosophy men should adopt. karma still stands, give what you want in return

    1. @nida tnks fr reading. Yes one can drop a diamond mistakenly but it wnt happen often. And yes if we find a diamond in a woman we don’t mind polishing it till it shines..
      We r selfish cos we wnt d best fr ourselves bt dt ain’t so bad…except of course if it is at d detriment of odas..

  9. I have long believed the only reasonable (exclusive man-woman) relationship is marriage. The others, I mostly don’t see the need for them.

    I also understand friends who shag. Friendship is one of the greatest relationships in the world. So if two friends can shag, without the stressful emotional issues, that’s also very nice.

    I am not one of those who believes a woman should be this way or that way. Just have nice qualities and be yourself. Be nice. Be firm. Play enough. Know what forms or types of arts you love. Anyone who will love and want to marry you will do that. And anyone who wouldn’t love you, won’t love you.

    About ‘good food being a way to a man’s heart’, fast food joints and restaurants have long shattered that illusion.

    Nice write up. Keep it up.

    1. @jaywriter thanks for reading…
      Being one’s self is d best…to b judged fr who u r. But we shld also strive to better ourselves….der r sm heights we cnt attain to without sm qualities..

  10. @Topazo: I love this article mehn! great write. I have one favour though . . . what do you say to my publishing this on yimucentral.com. I think I’d like to share this with as many ladies as I can. What do you say?

    1. @ohmston thanks for reading…yes you have my permission to publish it- I consider it an honour.

      1. Will publish it as soon as I get these details: I’ll need your email address so I can create your ‘author profile’. would you rather I say WHAT MEN WANT by TOPAZO? or do you have another name in mind?

  11. ash the dream (@ash04)

    Great piece. The question that came to me is, “what about what men need” ƒσя sometimes what we want are actually not what we need and my definition of that perfect woman is the one who knows and can give what her man actually needs and not necessarily what he wants.

    1. @ash04 thanks for reading….this is what we reaaaaaly need

  12. This is very good and I like it.

    1. @aniefiokitong thank you for reading and commenting

  13. Very insightful.

    1. @obisike thanks

  14. @topazo. Marriage is not for the man only. There are two people involved. The woman also has dreams and aspirations. Yours is a beautiful write-up, but I think you, like many other people I’ve interacted with, grossly misunderstand the message of feminism. The message is for women to be dignified human beings, free to aspire and achieve great things. And why should we perform wifely duties, when he has not made up his mind on whether we can share his dreams and calm his fears?
    Another thing: yes, some men throw diamonds away. Some men find that woman who should be their true soul mate, but go for someone more flashy and decorated, only to regret their mistake in later years. They meet that person who they can bare their heart and soul to, but ignore her for someone that temporarily meets their physical and sexual needs.
    Feminism encourages us not to plan our lives around marriage, or put our lives on hold because we are waiting for some man to agree that he can share his dreams with us. Whatever issues you have with women and marriage, please leave feminism out of it.

    1. @febidel i agree with you…but then everything is always relative…there’s no absolute truth. Feminism talks about the woman and in the process tries to trump the men…there needs to be a balance. If both parties knw wt is expected frm each other den d alliance can be more productive and fruitful

      Thanks for reading

      1. Here is one absolute truth: marriage is not men’s gifts to women. It should be a symbiotic relationship, and both parties should be mutually grateful for each other. In essence, men should stop thinking that they do us favours when they propose marriage to women. As good as marriage could be, if one gets it right, it is not the height of fulfillment one can attain. How I wish that many women knew this truth.
        Why do men think that women have to step on their head to rise to the top? Do you know that there are male feminists? These are men who support the cause of feminism. If some women (even prominent ones) have abused or misused feminism, it is no different from the way some have carried out acts of violence in the name of religion. Feminism is not about competition with men. It is definitely not about defeating men. Some feminists have good fathers, brothers, husbands, male lovers, male friends, and even sons whom they love and want the best for them. Feminism is about appreciating the difference between both sexes, and at the same time acknowledging our equality. It is about regarding and treating female humans as human beings, not as lesser beings.
        I really don’t know why men are threatened by feminism. Is it because they are not sure of their competences and are afraid that if given equal opportunities, the women will do better than them? @topazo, please do a balanced study of feminism before you write about it next time. No offence intended, please.

  15. @febidel thanks once again fr ur comments. It surely gives me a warm feeling dt iv met sm1 dt understnds d core of feminism. Wat uv js described is exactly my sentiments. I support the cause of true feminism and I strive to empower women around me who hv lost sight of hw much beauty and potential they carry within them.
    It is such women that we men want! That’s wat d whole article was all about! Women shldnt fall over demslvs to get husbands, they shldnt hv to map out strategies to get d guy to give dem d ring; they do ds because dey hv defined dr success or d height of it by bn sm1s wife. That is why sm wl stay wt a cheating “bastard” or a woman beater.
    It is callin fr women to appreciate in value so dt dey wld b evry guys jewel and sm1 to show off, be proud of, and to hold on tightly to. When guys find such women, they r in heaven, and r grateful fr it.
    Real men r nt threatened by dr women’s success, rather they egg dem on…but it’s sad that ladies of nowadays dnt get this. They r poisoned, hv gtn d wrong impressions…
    I hope my message is clear?

    1. @topazo. Your message is clear. Thank you.

  16. Great piece. I hope the myth of what men really want has been demystified. We are physical creatures with emotional yearnings contrary to what some women think.

    Keep it up!

    1. @saymalcom thanks

  17. Da Queen (@Estee)

    This is rily nice! I believe all these things will come naturally if u truly love someone. Love must start from somewhere (physical attraction, etc) and grow into this selfless sharing & nurturing u described. For the guys that are alrdy adopting topazo’s theory on finding love, if u give love genueily it will definitely be reciprocated. What women want are exactly the same and I’m sure I’m not speaking for myself alone here.

    1. @estee thanks for the enlightenment. love… hmm, that word means different things nowadays…

  18. Really nice. On point bro.

  19. Blackgold (@Blackgold)

    @Topazo, Brilliant piece, we ladies need learn tips from this. welldone.

    1. @blackgold thanks for reading. I’m glad you like…

  20. @topazo
    This is beautiful………. nice idea………..

    1. @innoalifa thanks for reading and commenting

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