Ok. I’m going to tell you a secret. I think I’m in love. Yeah I know it’s a little crazy but I think I am. Not like butterflies in my tummy, my heart beating faster, loss of words kinda love. No, but the real thing. The actual, I want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you type love.
So I’ve not seen him in a really long time, but I keep stalking his Facebook and twitter and I really don’t know how to tell him. It’s probably going to be really weird because he’s ten years older than me and if anything, he sees me as his little sister. Which is very annoying, talk about zoning. I don’t know if I’m really in love because I’ve never been in love so I don’t know how love feels or should feel like. But I really can’t forget him. I can’t stop smiling when I look at his pictures and now I literally know what it’s like for someone to always be on your mind. And what else, he’s an amazing writer. Basically, he’s perfect. Everything I think I want in a guy.
There’s an inexplicable effect that words have on me. I literally feel words when I read them. I’m not one to be moved by cheesy thoughtless words but surprisingly I actually fell in love with his words, before him (if I am in love with him). And though he’s never written anything for me, I feel my heart beat to the rhythm of his words. Pretty dramatic huh? You’ll be surprised how true that is.
Funny, cute, shy what else could I possibly ask for?
I don’t really understand why I feel this way because he’s not even my type. To begin with, he’s African. And though I’m African, African is not my type. Yeah I believe in Africa and all of that, but darn some white guys are so cute. Matt Bomer *sigh. I won’t even start because I’d probably not stop. It’s really too bad he’s gay. You know that song “I need an African man, a strong black man….” it’s a lovely song and all that but all I can imagine when I hear it is a big brute that beats up his wife or something *shudder*. Like nah, just…nah.
Back to the object of my affections. I know I have to get over him because we live in two separate countries but it’s so hard. I think if he knew how I felt, he’ll stop calling me “baby” and all that.
Please don’t see me as a boy crazy girl. I’m not. In fact, I hardly ever feel anything towards attainable guys in my environment. I’m usually more comfortable with the “unattainables” like Matt. So I’m using this to half ask for advice and half get it off my mind because I obviously can’t tell anyone since it’s so inappropriate (hello ten years). I don’t know how old you think I am, but seriously, ten years is a little bit much right now.