UNHOLY BIBLE: King Lucifer’s Version (Chpt 1a)

UNHOLY BIBLE: King Lucifer’s Version (Chpt 1a)

Read the prologue first, here (edited), or here on Naijastories.                  

                                                                                        CHAPTER ONE


In the beginning was God, and the rest of us. There were a lot of us, all created by God. Yeah, God created me too and I am not too comfortable with that. Don’t begin to get me wrong this soon. I am not saying I detest my attributes; I was created perfect in all my ways. But it just irks me that all that I am, I was made. I would have preferred to be the cause of my greatness and the reason for all my glory. Like God, I don’t like my glory to be shared. But I had no choice in the matter. My origin isn’t really a subject I love to dwell ‘upon, and to be precise, all I can really remember is that I wasn’t and then, suddenly, I became.
We didn’t all show up at the same time. I was there before Michael – at least, I know that for sure. I was one of the earliest of the hosts. I don’t care what the mortals know me as, but I know who I am. I arrived with the name Lucifer, The Morning star; full of beauty and wisdom, the Anointed Cherub. I was the foremost of the arch angels. I knew I was special and imbued with much greatness. When I made music, Heaven itself moved. I could summon God with my music. My music was irresistible, it still is, but I don’t get to sing much these days. I am sure God misses my melody. None replaced me in heaven, no one can.

From time to time I teach some mortals a few tunes, and usually the music tops all charts and breaks all records. The musicians, of course, become instant celebrities, the kinds that do all the known vices and die young, or live long terrible lives. They end up with me…But I digress.

All the hosts of Heaven were not of equal honor, beauty or form. There was a caste system too, a hierarchy of beings. And I, Lucifer was way up there. In those times, when I moved to and fro in the deep, I was the cynosure of all eyes, Heavenly eyes for that matter. I don’t blame them really, my reflection was very captivating. My swagger back then was something else. I loved making the other angels gawk .They couldn’t do the same for God – He didn’t come out often, and usually His brightness was all one gets to see, that is, if one wasn’t engrossed in the issue of worship.
Worship of God was not mandatory, but it was compelling. I didn’t get worshipped, at least not back then, but I got wondered at, and now on reflection, I’m thinking, that not every eye had stared at me in awe, respect and with regard for my status. One particular eye comes to mind. There is no sin in Heaven, but still I suspect at least that particular eye. There was nothing holy about its look, and I should have been wary, but, then, I was in Heaven, I had no reason to be suspicious, security was supposed to be tight.

Every place was formally without form and void, I understood that much, I don’t know how long it was thus, but when I arrived, Heaven was already there. One can never get used to the beauty in Heaven. The light of God was its source; there is no describing such light. No words or gesture would suffice. The mountain of God is the most beautiful place to behold in Heaven. It inspires worship. Not many have seen it, not even all the Heavenly hosts, and of course, certain privileges are not for men. The Earth too was beautiful, but unlike Heaven, there was nothing supernatural in its beauty. It was merely His footstool. None of the Heavenly host paid the earth any mind, not until man was made.
I had no problems with Adam. Some thought I was jealous of the man’s position of authority over the earth. How absurd. I was part of the decision to create him in the first place. God called us for that meeting; I was there, I remember Michael was there and Gabriel and some other stakeholders. God threw the matter open. We deliberated on it, and drew up the building plan. It was I, Lucifer who thought up the idea of giving man a domain to reign as a lesser version of us. An idea I came to regret. Only God knew exactly what He had in mind for man.

God made us prepare a place on earth for the man, a beautiful garden; the idea was that man would be the gardener and keeper of the livestock. But we found that God had a sense of humor when man came to be.

Man’s awkwardness was uproariously funny to look at. He didn’t have time to learn and understand his body before he came alive. Adam had no clues as to the functions of his bodily parts. He was already a full grown man at his delivery. He was the first and perhaps only man to walk without first crawling and he didn’t find the leg practice funny, not as much as we did. I remember the bemused look on his face the first time his bowels forced him to heed the call of nature. He didn’t even know the best position for that business, so he stood a while and squatted a while, and then settled into the more comfortable position. We had much fun observing his perplexity and the results of his confusion.

Adam actually tried. I will give him that. He did a good job at becoming a man. Much of his faults were as a result of the suddenness of his becoming. It was miraculous, it was unnatural. He never experienced growth. He didn’t learn; he was just condemned into adulthood. There is a reason mortals go through childhood: to learn, to experience. Adam learnt on the job. Perhaps, God had felt that Adam wouldn’t need the knowledge growth brings. That, perhaps, is understandable, because Adam had everything already made for him. He was not meant to suffer knowledge acquisition. Knowledge for him would have been unnecessary. But alas, things happened.

From our observations in the garden, we began to suspect that man was a joke made by God for our amusement. Mortals have little idea of how humorous the Almighty can be. Adam became a past time for the Heavenly hosts; earth began to have much heavenly traffic. Perhaps, the fun would have continued if the woman hadn’t arrived at the scene, or Adam would have become a bore to us later; but the woman arrived and trouble was conceived. But before the trouble, she did cause much laughter amongst us.

We had gotten the news of her creation in Heaven, that God had caused a deep sleep to come over Adam and then God had somehow created another human, a female, from one of the man’s ribs. None of us had known about that new development. Her creation perhaps was a mark of ingenuity, I mean, if you consider the process of a rib transforming into a living being, a very lovely one at that. But still, if not for her, I would probably still have my residence in Heaven. Yes, you could say it was largely my fault, but then, if she hadn’t arrived, I wouldn’t have thought ill of my God’s creation, or tried to prove that the woman was a loose cannon. But perhaps I should be thankful to her because at the end, I got to be god too.
That was really the Genesis of my altercation with the Heavens: the creation of woman. Now, I had no issue with the woman personally, my main contention was the manner in which she was made. God didn’t follow due process; we were not asked. Ok, fine, He is the God, our God, but we follow protocol in Heaven. And I was, you know, more like the protocol officer, sort of. I love precision, so naturally, I protested, I had a right to do so. Even if we weren’t consulted, why wasn’t she made in our image, like the man? I discerned that the woman might pose a problem for both the man and his domain. I tried to tell them that man was in our image, so we could handle him, control him, but the woman was made from… from a rib, not even a hallowed rib from one of us, but man’s rib. Man would then be the one to control her. I doubted the capability of man to control anything of her nature. She might turn out to be too much for him. It was a loose end, I didn’t like loose ends, and I still don’t.

Mind you, I didn’t directly challenge God, no; I aired my views at a plenary session which God wasn’t supposed to attend. The session was convened to discuss ‘the inclusion of an unknown’ in the creation of man. From time to time, the Heavenly hosts convene to discuss heavenly matters, after which we sometimes suggest them to God. It was normal; it was a time when all could speak freely. God rarely attends this meets. And so on that particular day, I made myself clear on my misgivings about the woman, not for any change to be made, but only for the records to note my objections.

I was shouted down by those who supported the woman’s creation, of course they were simply being loyal to God, but being loyal does not mean one shouldn’t speak his mind and express his misgivings. It is more loyal to object and express contrary thoughts. It brings balance. I remember Michael being louder than the other loyalists. The reactions my misgivings stirred were unexpected, perhaps I was a bit too vehement, but I detested any form of imperfection. I was created thus; perfect, in beauty and wisdom. I was doing my job. Order and precision were my passion. The woman’s mode of entry would affect established modes of change and creation, records, documentation and God knows what else. I stood my ground.

The Heavenly session soon got quite rowdy, we didn’t pull up chairs or exchange blows like the Nigerian senators, but we had similar effect. Angel Raphael, the chief whip, kept on screaming for order, but his voice was the thin kind, so it really carried no weight. Things might have gone out of hand but for the un expected arrival of the King of Kings – there were informants too in Heaven. At the sight of Him, we quieted down and assumed a pose of worship. The worshipping took a while, but just before it became tedious, the Almighty acknowledged us and took his place, automatically taking over the chair of the meeting. He first addressed me:
“Lucifer, Son of the morning, what agitates you?”

He said this in a tone of voice breeding with respect and regard. God could be very diplomatic; there are countless sides to him. At that time I actually thought we were in a democracy, I had no clue; we all had no clue, that we had no say, absolutely no say in any decision taken by God. I have never seen a better politician.
To be continued…


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19 thoughts on “UNHOLY BIBLE: King Lucifer’s Version (Chpt 1a)” by kaycee (@kaycee)

  1. Beautiful rendition. Its surprising though that I only too recently read a similar epistle. It was titled HOUSE OF WAR, and if not that u do not write using big words, I could have sworn you wrote it. I can’t post it here cos its not mine, neither do I know the author to ask his permission, but am sure he wnt mind if he gets one more fan. So if you are interested in reading HOUSE OF WAR, do send me a more private address which I can use to mail it to you. Trust me when I say you NEED to see this.

    1. @ohmston, that would be very gracious of you.
      Pls send to

      1. @ohmston. I got the mail. Thanks.

        1. @Kaycee plz I would love your feedback on that story. Thanks.

          1. @ohmston, I have read it. The writer is very good.

  2. hmnn Kaycee, I’m liking this already.

    though why you chose to use the title Unholy Bible i’m still not sure as im yet to see anything unholy about this. Yes God says don’t add to the Bible but this is not meant to be a Bible. either ways, it’s ur choice. I guess it’s meant to shock and draw crowd.

    great so far, id love to see where you are going with this.

  3. @funpen, read the prologue, its the blue print. And the title was just…well, something opposite to the other book.
    Thanks for reading.

  4. So you’ve decided to grace us with the subsequent chapters after a long time of posting the prologue. Nice of thee…

    Still on track…

    1. @francis, nice of thee to note. It was a WIP, couldn’t tell all.

  5. Doesn’t quite pack the punch the title promised. There’s nothing to shock us, nothing ‘unholy’, nothing to make us go, ‘Huhhh??? Are you kidding me?!”. You are just telling us things we already know about the devil with a few embellishments.
    U want to write the devil’s memoir? Then you should really think like him and put yourself in his shoes (at d risk of losing your soul tho :-) ) …this just scratches the surface like u are scared to go deep. If you want to pull it off, then you gotta do more than tug at it, lest this ends up as a mediocre book with an attention-seeking title.

    1. @shadiat.
      This is only pages 1 and 2 of a whole book. You don’t expect to see everything in two pages. Stories are built. You won’t have this opinion after reading the book.
      Thanks for ur observation though.

  6. The thoughts that roam though that head of yours will almost be too much for Oga Freud himself to analyse.
    With all these works you churn out (fiction or not), I ‘m getting closer to seeing beyond the virtual frame of this internet interface to getting a true picture of who you are (as close as the medium allows)
    Call it fiction or rambling, you are one hell of a thinker :-)

    Looking forward to reading the whole book.

  7. I will have to come back to read this @kaycee.I trust this will be another best seller.*strolls off*

  8. Me too. Coming back to read. I hope this 20naira is a one-off payment oh. I’m Silas Marner’s cousin

  9. No be small thing. Kaycee pulls it off again. honestly, it’s been a while since I visited NS but when i heard that the first Part of chapter one is out i have to come hurrying back.
    Splendid as expected. Oliver wants some more, can’t get enough.

    1. I wonder who you heard from?
      Thanks for reading.

  10. OK. I have returned. Frankly, I would have preferred if it was less humorous because I think the devil is like Pein in Naruto (if you watch that). It doesn’t have to be accurate (what is accurate?) but I would like it to make the reader question things, as blasphemous as they may be. Most Nigerians believe by default (which is not really believing but being brain washed. OK, lemme keep shut now. It’s just that I’m a skeptic of all things

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