Hatched – Part 1

Hatched – Part 1

Sigh.

I switch off as Julius my husband of three years prattles on about some cocktail with the boss and something, something, something. He just got the information today, he knows I’ll never go out looking less than perfect…..I don’t want to hear his rubbish stories, all lies.  He cast a look at his reflection in the mirror as he exits the room with a spring in his step.

Hahaha. There is a spring in my husband’s step and three years of defeat and loneliness in mine. Oh and neglect, monotony and a husband who is mostly away even when he is physically around. He says it is the kids and my responsibilities as a mum. I try to make him see that the finality of that statement unsettles me but he hears complaining. He used to share my dream or so he said. He said he believed in me. He used to brag about it to his friends. So how is it that three years down the line, I am still running my salon? I’m getting by but I am on the far side of the disgruntled scale. I want to run a spa that is what I spent my youth preparing myself for. I thought they said opportunity comes to those who are prepared. At the time we met, I had concluded arrangements to sign a distributorship deal with a spa care range.

As he leaves, my shoulders slump; I hate him……I think I do.  There is such a wedged between us; each time we try to talk we end up in an altercation. I don’t mind quarrelling as I know that it is healthy but this total acrimony is death warmed and served up on a daily. We are both dreadfully unhappy.

I give it to him though, he is discreet.  At least I haven’t heard his gist in town.  Unlike some other men who make their wives laughing stocks, Julius is discreet if nothing else. Then again they do say the wife is always the last to know.

My husband is a selfish and cold man. The house is so quiet. What to do now?

Julius never takes me anywhere except church. I just don’t get it? Timi and Nengi are already in bed, I don’t feel like watching TV….Julius isn’t coming back until late, of that I’m sure.

Driving around my estate isn’t wildly exciting but it is soothing. I attain a level of lucidity that is welcome in my tumultuous existence.

Marriage is messed up. It turns friends into strangers.  I used to be Julius’s drinking buddy, now I’m his wife and the mother of his children. I used to be his trophy babe, now I am good old wife.

I hadn’t really wanted to get married neither had Julius. We were just having a good time but his love for skin sex and my constant persistent weakness for the wicked man saw me knocked up six months down the line. My parents were having none of it and so here we are.

I entered marriage with zest and enthusiasm like I do everything else but in three short years; Julius has managed to remind me everyday exactly why I never wanted to get married.  Now I feel drained and bitter, unappreciated, unloved and taken for granted and I also hate Julius. Julius is a demon. He doesn’t hit me no, but his cavalier attitude towards me is worse than any beating. He doesn’t make love to me either and for that I am thankful.

Before Julius, there had only been two others. There used to be a time when he couldn’t keep his hands off me. Nkoyo my former bestie said I proved then that attraction is animal. Guys just suddenly were all over me. She claimed that because I was having so much sex, I was giving off primal fertile signals and nature was responding in the equally primal need to procreate in the men, sort of like a female dog in heat. I don’t know what she meant; I was a good looking babe, way above average in face and body. Yeah I said was.

Apparently I wasn’t giving off enough signals though to stop him from wanting to kiss Nkoyo again after a game of truth or dare got them to.  We’d been doing some heavy drinking and as we were about to leave, Julius “playfully” clamped a kiss on Nkoyo’s mouth.  Nkoyo was taken aback as I was. Julius laughed and claimed it was a joke, a tribute to their dare.  Ooookay, only problem is my boy friend just kissed my best friend.  Were I not the poster girl for idiocy, I would have let the asshole go that day.

I liked him; we were having fun, no shit……no shit! Not even when I asked him and instead of an apology, he told me that it was Nkoyo and I coupled with where he was coming from that made him do it. Explanation: The last babe that he had been with had initiated a ménage a trios with her bestie so seeing how mischievous Nkoyo and I were, he assumed….God punish you Julius, why didn’t you wait for the invite? That is what goes through my mind each time I remember.

From that day both Nkoyo and I just seemed to silently wait for him and me to break up before we talked about it.  It was kind of awkward to bring up while I was still with him.

It never happened, I got pregnant.

I wish I could go and see Nkoyo now I am dreadfully unhappy. We would drink; maybe take a few tokes of weed and just talk. I can’t though; Nkoyo and I are not close anymore. We are barely friends now. Things got too uncomfortable after Julius and I got married. I couldn’t stand the fact that she thought I was making a mistake and she obviously had no respect for Julius or my marriage to Julius. I couldn’t shake off the feeling though that something else may have been involved.

I nearly jump out of my skin as a persistent tapping on my window jerks me out of my reprieve.  It is a young man about nineteen years old. I engage the gear and get ready to zoom off when something about his demeanour stops me. I inch down the glass and hear his voice.

“You shouldn’t be here lady”.

What is this one saying? This is my estate; I can be wherever I want. His face suddenly registers to me. I have seen him around. Feeling a little braver, I take down the window another inch.

“Why?”

“Because some guys are dealing just at the corner”.

“And what are you doing here?”

“I’m on my way home”.

“Where is home?”

“Block D”

I release the lock and wave him in.

“I’ll drop you off”.

As soon as he gets in, I know he has been smoking weed. I start the car with a smile. These young people, always underestimating older people, like we never lived.

“Hi”.

His voice was surprisingly deep.

I find myself irritated. Ah, what brought about this? He couldn’t be more than nineteen, why is he saying hi to me.  Is he trying to be rude? If I’d had a kid in my teenage years I could have someone his age as my son. I turn to berate him and his eyes are smack on my breast. My braless nipples react to the attention; little creep. My eyes shift for some cursed reason to his crotch area; not such a child down there. Oh hell, where did that come from?

I start as I realize that he is speaking to me.

“My name is Osas, what’s yours?”

This boy is forward sha, I mentally turn on freeze mode.

“Adaobi but…”

He cuts me.

“Dobis. Nice name.”

I lose my cool.

“My name is not Dobis. It’s Adaobi and Aunty Adaobi to you.

If the situation had been different, I’d have gone awwww.

He looks hurt.

“Why? How old are you? “

I hiss and park at the corner of the road.

“You know what? This is the beginning of road D, you can get off here.  I don’t have to indulge your rudeness.”

He looks immediately downcast and contrite.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be rude.”

He gets off and points to a house a little away from the beginning of road D.

“That is where I stay”.

I give him a curt wave and drive off.

No wonder, little twerp. The house he pointed out belongs to some rapper who calls himself Loo; apparently Nigeria’s latest sensation. The Loo has his brothers, friends and hangers-on stay there while he stays at another of his houses. There were always girls coming out of the house, loud music and I can just bet drugs too.

It is his image that sends me over the brink and to orgasm as I DIY. I imagine that he is cuddling me as I drift off to sleep, clutching my pillow.

If I just sit back and react to Julius, I’ll die before my time.  I have two beautiful children that I should concentrate on. I’m thirty four years old, but I feel fifty. I’m so bloody  tired of the way my life is going. Sometimes I find myself willing my body to fail in some way so that Julius will have no choice but to be with me. Pathetic, how have i become such a mess?

There is that boy again. Ok, well of course I knew he’d be here. I’ve driven by here three times this week. I know he sees me but I never stop. So why am I stopping now? Too late, he is here already. I pop the lock, he gets in.

“Hi”. His voice is like a caress. He must have seen the hunger in my eyes. He leans forward and kisses me. Really, really kisses me. That is it. This boy is having me here and now in this car, if my phone would stop ringing. The night is quiet, the ringing is jarring.

It is my husband. Why of all nights does he choose to be home early tonight? Maybe because God doesn’t want me to defile my marriage; hahaha my marriage is already defiled. Not once or twice or even three times, and not by me. I have to go though. Even though my heart is beating and I would rather do this quick so I don’t lose my nerve. I can count on my husband to deprive me of one thing or the other. Or maybe I need time to think it through. Or maybe I am not meant to do this. I try to get Julius to make love to me and he seems ready to go but his southerner member says no. This is not the first time this is happening. He is feeding me the usual “got stuff on my mind” yarns. Wow, my husband cant get it up with me.

These past three weeks have been hectic. I hadn’t had much time to think about Osas until last week when I got a text message from an unknown number, requesting for my bb pin, signed Osas. I didn’t even ask how he got my number, I just sent it. I am so sure of what I want from this boy. Julius has pushed me too far. I need this for my sanity. I need it to bear the sight of my husband. I need it to be a good mother to my children. If I’m going to survive this hell called marriage, I need it.

I like that Osas really seems smitten. Maybe he needs a friend. We’ve never talked personal but I glean that he seems to hate his famous sibling. Or maybe he wants to see what it’s like with someone older, or……who cares.

Osas has pinged me every day since the last time. I am not complaining, the attention keeps me determined and thirsty for him. Like a parched throat needs a long cold drink. A long cold drink from a strapping, gorgeous twenty two year old.

Everything has worked in my favour. My children are off to London with their cousins and grandparents; Julius is on some course or training in Ilorin for five days. I am home alone. I have waxed all the necessary spots; I have a new short, sexy hair cut. I hope he likes it. He picks my call right after the second beep. Oh dear, he sounds hesitant.

I knock down two shots of brandy. Why the hell is some small boy making me wait? Well I did call out of the blue. Maybe he has a visitor. If he is going out of his way to send some girl away for me, I should be glad. Maybe I shouldn’t just go.

He looks edible. He looks all dressed up and handsome. I am uncertain about going in, but he assures me that everyone is out. Loo is having a show and everyone is there.

As soon as the door shuts, he grabs me and begins to kiss me. This is heaven. Five minutes later his eyes feverish with desire, he is disentangling himself from me again, talking about having to run an errand. Right now? Is this boy mad? What is wrong?

“I want to show you something”. He mumbles.

As I get up he grabs me and begins to hungrily savour my lips again. Where did he learn to kiss like this? He takes my hand and makes me feel his erection. Uhm, I’m not making a mistake. I try to pull him back to the sofa but he lets go of my lips and grabs my hand. We are outside and on his bike and I am wearing a helmet and giggling. hmm okay ooh…..I’m not going to think, I’m just going to be.

 



30 thoughts on “Hatched – Part 1” by RIO (@riowrites)

  1. Em…I feel like the tone of this was…erratic/distracted. The lines were sorta disconnected…don’t know if it was intentionally or accidental.
    You did not show us the exact point in which she got into the car.

    It’s a nice story. I just think it could use some tightening. My opinion.

    Nice one.

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thanks @Seun-Odukoya. Yes it is intentional but If it’s not working, well I’m here to learn.

  2. Wow!
    I like. Can relate.
    But…
    You rushed, you skipped, and you made some tense errors.

    Could someone explain why your picture-avatar is upside down??

    Hmmn.

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thank you @kaycee. I’m upside down at the moment, hehehehe.

  3. Gr8! I mean we all here to learn. Keep writing…

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thanks for the encouragement.

  4. @Riowrites, this was very, very good. Very slick, polished writing of a compelling story. Somehow, I don’t think it’s going to be a straightforward case of adultery here.

    One thing that confused me was the transitions. I never really got a sense as to when the story was moving forward in time (e.g. in this section:

    “…to fail in some way so that Julius will have no choice but to be with me. Pathetic, how have i become such a mess?

    {looks like time passed here, but it doesn’t feel like it}

    There is that boy again. Ok, well of course I knew he’d be here. I’ve driven by here three times this week. I know he sees me…”

    Looking forward to part 2.

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thank you @TolaO. A bit of time does go by but if you don’t get it, I guess I now what to work on next time.

  5. Apart from the transition issue Tola pointed out, this’s really good. I liked the fast pacing of the story, so I didn’t mind the neglections. Well done!

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thanks @francis, I’ll work on that.

  6. Your story has a compelling hook that hurries the reader from the first line to the very last. I thought I didn’t have the time to read when I saw its length, but all I needed to do was start and I was taken to the very end by your arresting style of narration.

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thank you!!!

  7. I love the way it is going…I even like the distracted/erratic mood too…
    What’s good for the goose is good for the gander…Hehehe…Abeg I hope she and Osas get more than a bike high….Waiting for the next..Well done…$ß

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thanks a bunch. I hope so too ooh @she and Osas hehehehe.

  8. I love the edginess of this…kind of fast-paced, roller coaster-like, the caustic tone of the protagonist is just apt for the style you’ve adopted. I got my eyes on you @Rio. Really great piece!!!

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Mucho gracias @midas. I’m glad you like it.

  9. Beautiful piece, though there are few errors, but not something careful editing can’t correct. The story wouldn’t have been this good if it read slower than this.

    You’re a good writer sha. That’s what I know.

    ‘He says it is the kids and my responsibilities as a mum.’ That sentence feels incomplete.
    ‘…but he hears complaining.’ I can’t understand that.

    I think where the problem lies is in your sentence construction. Besides that, you’re a good story teller.

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thank you @babyada, with you guys, I will get better.

  10. You write well…I am not surprised though even though I got lost in some parts, where time passed and I was trying to understand that the next sentence meant that time had passed….Well, I hope nothing comes out of the bike ride….It’s a ‘no’ to adultery for me…(yes, I am still old school) and even if there has to be adultery, I would prefer she goes with an older man, young boys kiss and tell!

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Mucho gracias @enoquin. I am old school too. I would rather walk out of the marriage with my dignity in tact and go haywire single. ;-)

  11. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

    i liked it. but i think you could have spent more time on Julius. Is he being cruel or is he just reacting to some accumulated hurt? Also the thing with Osas needs a build up too. More details. Very engrossing read though. Am off to find part two.

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      Thanks @nicolebassey. The story is from Adaobi’s POV.

      1. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

        A deaf man can read that,even from her point of view it is possible to tell the reader more about the man that drove Adaobi to do something as taboo as an affair. I get miffed when people try to defend critiques on their writing without trying to see the areas they could work on and improve.

        1. RIO (@riowrites)

          @nicolebassey I have taken every critique in good faith but explained that to you because I thought you didn’t get it.You are very welcome to your miffed(ness).

          1. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

            Thought i didnt get it? Were you writing in Arabic?.

  12. Haha.. this was really good! The beginning was a bit sluggish but then it just got this zing and whoooosh, I was hooked. Nice story @riowrites!

    Of course, you should note what everyone has said about the transitions. It felt like you taking time-jumps or something and the effect got a bit confusing. Plus like Seun Odukoya said the story could use tightening, some parts with Osas were all over the place. I’m not even sure when they first got together. Plus, is Osas 19 or 22??? Or is it that she’s been sleeping with him for 3 years??? Things you need to clarify…

    As for the theme, I guess, she’s reaping what she sowed. That might sound harsh but it’s how I see it. I always wonder how people who have had wild sexual lives before marriage expect to have stable marriages. It’s just not possible, except by the grace of God. There’s a reason why people are advised to save it till they’re hooked. It solidifies your relationship in a way nothing else can…

    1. RIO (@riowrites)

      @guywriterer thanks for reading, I’m glad you like it. Yes I have taken the observation about the transitions, very seriously too because it seems to be the biggest and most re-occurring criticism for the piece. The grace of God is everything. Not one person deserves anything but for grace.

  13. You have an interesting story here. However, there were some tense mix-up and your switching from 3rd person POV to 1st person POV to me, was rather abrupt. Well done.

  14. Fast paced…we do not need details style..js action. Great story.

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