Cold-blooded Murderer

Cold-blooded Murderer

Jacan walked into his house with a troubled look on his face. Omoayena, who was just coming in from the bedroom looked at him with an expression aimed at masking her guilt. Both of them knew today was going to be a turning point in their lives; how they handled what was to come would determine their future. He looked at her intensely and fell even deeper for her. On his drive home, he had tried to understand why he loved her so much but he found no answers. She was not drop-dead gorgeous or had any of those alluring qualities like his ex but she was not ugly either. In fact, one of his mother’s reasons for not wanting her as a daughter-in-law of choice was that her features did nothing to complement his looks, that she was too masculine for him. Jacan was very tall and Omoayena was only a few inches shorter than he was. For a woman, her bones stood out more than was needed because her skin wrapped about her flesh tightly, making her skinny features lack the lithe, feminine look that he had always loved in women. However, her face held the prize, and Jacan told himself that he could spend eternity just watching her laugh. Her features always magically transformed from plain-looking to dazzling each time her lips parted in a smile. The little diamond stud on her nose would twinkle over her gap-toothed, white teeth and Jacan’s heart will thaw out. But right now, she was not smiling, and he would do anything to see a grin from those thin lips; he would do anything to erase the undue pain she was causing him and just make her fall in love with him again.

“You look tired,” she told him.

“Are the children asleep?” he asked.

She nodded and they stared at each other for a while.

“Jacan,” she avoided his eyes, “I have something to say…”

“Me first.”

She looked at him and he bent his head. Nervously, she gathered her eyebrows.

“I…I have a confession to make,” he took his hand away from the door handle and she gasped at the sight of it. “I killed a man today.”

Her knees almost buckled beneath her because she knew instantly what he was talking about.

“I killed…I killed Akin.”

 

Flashback

Jacan stood over Akin’s dead body.

All was quiet and calm.

All he heard was the sound of his own heart beating.

A line of cold sweat coursed down his temple. He smelled it…

The cold smell of death. He tasted it…

The metallic taste of blood in the air…

*            *            *            *            *            *

Omoayena stood cold in the sitting room, looking at Jacan’s hand wrapped in a bandage soaked in blood. Something crawled all the way from her bowels to her throat and was pushing its way to her mouth, making her sick. She ran into the guest bathroom and threw up in the washbasin. When she raised her head, she saw Jacan in the reflection of the mirror and turned round to face him.

“When were you ever going to tell me?” He had tears in his eyes; the first time she had ever seen him cry, “ten years of marriage and you were sleeping with my colleague and friend and had children by him and you didn’t think I deserved to know?”

*            *            *            *            *            *

“No!” Akin leaned on the door handle, talking to Jacan who slowly but dourly walked round the sleazy hotel room. It stank of sex and smoke and the windows were hardly letting in any air. Akin loved places like this; for some weird reason, he was afraid of living in a house all by himself.

“Did you just say no?” Jacan asked his friend and the latter nodded. With slow but threatening steps, Jacan walked towards him, “I politely ask you to let my wife be and you say no?”

“Letting go of the door handle Akin winced, grinding into his teeth, “see…that’s the thing. I knew you’d be this difficult. Okay, okay,” he placed his hands on Jacan’s shoulder, “let’s do it this way. You can have the kids; I don’t care about them. I, on the other hand will have Omo.”

He grinned but Jacan head-butted  him and he reeled to the floor.

*            *            *            *            *            *

“What didn’t I give you, Omo?” Jacan asked in a quiet voice.

Omoayena sat herself on the toilet seat, squeezing her knees while she sobbed.

“In all the years we’ve been married, have I for one day ever raised a hand to touch you? Have I ever cheated on you? Do I refuse your meals or stay out late? Don’t I even cook and help around with the kids?” his voice went undertone, “or is it that you never loved me?”

“I did. I…” a series of uncontrollable sobs racked her body, “I still do, Jacan.”

“Then why? Why, my darling wife? That is the question i’m asking. Why? “

*            *            *            *            *            *

“Because you were predictable,” Akin took off a bloodied towel away from his nose and laughed out loud, “and boring. Everything is about God! About fidelity and morality and decency… Screw that stuff! Omoayena likes the unpredictable!” His eyes lit up, “oh, you should see her when she lets her guard down!” he shivered for effect, “she’s a wild horse let lose, a waterfall of craziness!”

Jacan ground his fist.

“A woman does not want to be asked. No! She wants to be taken! And,” he pointed his finger at Jacan but immediately withdrew, “you don’t have that. You don’t have the take!”

He looked at him face and laughed hysterically, spurting blood all over his face.

*            *            *            *            *            *

“Was it because I was always gentle and polite? You wanted the man you used to know?”

“No, Jacan,” she cried.

“My past is my past, Omoayena. I was a terrible man then but now I’m changed and I’m sorry that I have no apologies for that.”

“Yes,” she said, “you had changed but were you better? You lived in a bubble, in your own world and nobody could connect with you. I didn’t know who you were. You shut me out.”

*            *            *            *            *            *

“You wanted to protect her from the monster you truly are? Pshaw!” Akin laughed, “how? You’re just the same old product with different packaging. You are still a cold-blooded murderer who bathed in the blood of innocent people. You can’t change that.”

Jacan’s hands ran over an umbrella on the table, lingering on the handle briefly and letting it go. His eyes then moved to Akin’s laptop and he stared blandly at it.

“See, my friend,” Akin went on, “Omoayena craves for me. I think that’s all that matters, not trust and definitely not your stupid love.”

*            *            *            *            *            *

“It’s not true! I love you!”Omoayena told her husband, “don’t talk like that! How can you ever question my feelings for you?”

“YOU CHEATED ON ME!” Jacan was livid. He slammed his fist into the door and it went in, creating a gaping hole.

“Jesus, Jacan!” she gasped,  getting up to walk to him but he swiveled round and pointed a bleeding finger.

“DON’T!” he lowered his voice, “don’t call my name. Don’t…” he melted into tears. Omoayena raised stretched her hand to touch him but pulled back and just stood by, not knowing what else to do.

“Look what you’re doing to me.” He slipped to the floor and looked up at her, “how could you?” he sniffed, “how do I forgive you or ever forgive myself for what I’ve done because of you?”

“It’s not your fault, Jake…”

*            *            *            *            *            *

“Oh, yes it is!”

Akin lifted an unopened bottle of wine from an ice-pail and fished out two ice cubes and placed them over his nose, tilting his head backwards.

“You’re to blame. You shouldn’t have left. I told you not to but…”  He sat on the bed and lowered his head and looked at Jacan, “the Cabal was your life, our life–”

“What are you talking about ‘you told me’? We left together, you and I, and we changed, Akin. We changed. That was why we became pastors.”

“No, you became a pastor.” He wiped off a trickle of blood from his upper lip, “God damn it, you broke my nose.”

“What did you just say? You never left the Cabal? You mean all this time you were still there?”

“Yes! Ten years on and I’m still there!”

“We made a pact to change. Akinlolu!”

“No, you made a pact with God but I owe no allegiance to Him,” Akin stood up. Jacan could not believe his ears. He turned around to face the window. “Why am I even explaining to you? You know how it is, Jake. You leave, they mess you up. I can’t afford to have my life ruined because of a-a-a-a-a senseless decision to try and be a good person! The Cabal gives me all I need. Why would I need to throw that away?”

“Is that what you were doing? Ruining my life? Did they send you to sleep with my wife and ruin me?”

Akin was silent.

“Answer me! Did they send you?!”

“And if I say no, that I did it all by myself ‘cause of some old score I wanted to settle? Or just because I found your treasure so irresistible, I could think of nothing else, day and night. I just wanted to taste those lips, to feel those–”

In one split second, Jacan picked the bottle of wine, smashed it into the wall and stabbed Akin in the neck.

Shock, excruciating pain and the acrid fear of death devoured Akin’s face. He reached for his bleeding neck but his eyes never left Jacan’s. Years of friendship and trust disappeared like a pack falling of cards. Jacan heard the voices of laughter, of jokes told and retold, of fights, of lengthy and senseless arguments about politics, football and women…

Jacan remembered the feeling too well. The terror that filled the face of a dying man was the fear of what was to come in the hereafter. But the fear was also his as he watched his friend fall to the floor. He couldn’t reach out to him. He did not reach out to him.

He deserved to die. He deserved to die. He deserved to die.

He stood there for a long time. He couldn’t feel the pain inflicted by the bottle on his palm or the blood dripping on his foot. He may never remember how long he stood there but…

He stood over Akin’s body.

All was quiet and calm.

All he heard was the sound of his own heart beating.

A line of cold sweat coursed down his temple. He smelled it…

The cold smell of death. He tasted it…

The metallic taste of blood in the air…

The only thing he remembered were Akin’s words

You are still a cold-blooded murderer.



47 thoughts on “Cold-blooded Murderer” by Sally Kenneth Dadzie (@Sally-Kenneth-Dadzie)

  1. You know what I like most about this post?

    It’s the way the here-and-now connects almost seamlessly with the there-and-then. I mean, Jacan asks a question now, Akin answers it back then; that kind of stuff.

    I love the creativity behind this.

    Good job.

  2. This is Superb!…It’s fluidity, I love. I will come back and STUDY this…I mean it.

    Well done Sal…More ink to ur pen…$ß.

  3. Yes this is well done. The structure isvery creative and the emotions almost tangible. However, the ending feels cut off. What of the story between jacana and omo?

    1. Myne, lol! In addition to being a great writer, you’re also a prophetess. Yes, I cut it from a much larger story. I wanted a short one so that it doesn’t stretch into another story.
      Thank you so much.

  4. This I call romancing of words, very fluid.
    Jacana and Omo’s story is just screaming out to be told, lol.

    You do engage your readers rather too well Sally.

      1. Sorry, Dotta
        , that reply was for nicole. Lol. But thanks the same. I’m humbled by ur words.

  5. Sunshine (@nicolebassey)

    Wow! am so glad i read this, the narrative is excellent , the plot ? intriguing! Weldone ! Attagirl!

  6. Really captivating story. I love the way u connected both plots together…
    Ya, the story leaves hearts suspended …..”what could be the end”…..

    1. Thanks for your thoughts. The story continues in my novel slated to come out later this year. it is called THE SEVENTH watch out for it

  7. Lovely… the creativity, the telling, the style… all!
    Editing will handle little typo’s here and there.
    @moskeda, lovely!

    1. Thanks, dear. i will do something about the typos.

  8. Damn it. This is good. Really really good. You told the story too well.

    Welldone @moskeda

    1. Thanks, Lancaster. You’re too kind.

  9. Brilliant story. These are the reasons I liked it:

    – The interleaving of the past and present; this could have been jarring, but you made it work very well.

    – The way the storyline was revealed; at first, I thought it was just about a vengeful cuckold, but I saw that there was more to Jacan’s life that I had thought.

    – It was very well written.

    Please accept 30 points.

    1. OMG, thank you so much, Tola. wow! L’apprecie

  10. OMG, thank you so much, Tola. wow! L’apprecie

  11. This is supercool.
    My favorite line was “I can’t afford to have my life ruined because of a-a-a-a-a senseless decision to try and be a good person!”….I like the way you made him say the “a-a-a-a-“…making it so real, like the way someone would be looking for a word to describe something…Totally love this…but does it end here?

    1. I don’t know what’s up with network but I hope I’ve not posted this reply before. Weirdpile, this is an excerpt from my novel coming by the end of the year. I’m so glad you loved it. Thanks for your thoughts on it.

  12. i could not take my eyes off this post, even at the end, i kept reading the last line over and over again…WOW! You are an amazing writer- the best kind!

    1. *blushing* thank you for such humbling words. don’t even know what to say

  13. I think the title made us expect a murder. Yes, the plot was good and the murder part excellent, I believe if you gave this a different title, it’d have heightened the suspense. However, that may not give your last line the punch it packs. Good writing, nice flashbacks but the denouement leaves many unanswered questions. As this is an excerpt, you may be forgiven for the incomplete piece. Good job baby.

    1. i was scratching my head at the title before i picked it. You’re right. could have been more creative about that. anyhu, thank you, baby

  14. You did well o! This deserves a 2nd and 3rd reading.

  15. And I love the name…Omoayena. What does it mean? What language is it?

    1. Omoayena means ‘all our struggles are for the sake of our kids or we live for our kids. its Edo. don’t know what part.

  16. I’ve just watched a written movie…. Others have said it. You rock.

    1. oh, i think its because i started off writing as a script writer and i’m married to a director. so i tend to see my stories as full movies before i write them down. Thanks, dear.

  17. I am jealous. You seamlessly achieved the kind of transitions we find in movies; that I tried to infuse in one of my stories without much success. You are an amazing writer.

    1. Thanks, Chemo. mighty nice of u

  18. Nice1. I like the movement in between scenes and also of the xters. its a novel style worth “copying”

  19. good narrative and flow well done

  20. Im trying to find fault in this story, but its hard, so Imma accentuate the positive. The back and forth flow was brilliant, Your use of English is excellent. Iake a bow, very well done wish i had written this, t

  21. Well written story. Thumbs up

  22. One thing that made this story for me was the way U drifted back n forth between the past and the present. Flashbacks are tricky to handle, but U did so effortlessly here. I like this a lot. Well done.

  23. common sis you can do it write a book someday well done

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